Rational Ignorance

LIGHT THE DARK (SOAP 0194) Luke 11:33-36 (NIV)

2012-02-05T11:48:00.000-08:00

“No one lights a lamp and puts it in a place where it will be hidden, or under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, so that those who come in may see the light. Your eye is the lamp of your body. When your eyes are healthy, your whole body also is full of light. But when they are unhealthy, your body also is full of darkness. See to it, then, that the light within you is not darkness. Therefore, if your whole body is full of light, and no part of it dark, it will be just as full of light as when a lamp shines its light on you.”

---

Jesus just answered the Pharisees’ charge that He is with Beelzebul, admonishing, “a house divided against itself will fall.” He gives the “strong man” analogy, suggesting they plundered the Lord’s house; he warns about the sign of Jonah, saying unbelievers of this generation will suffer more than the sinners of Nineveh. This prompts the talk of the lamp. Why would God’s lamp — the Messiah — hide? Why wouldn’t He heal & deliver? Why would He leave people in the dark? And Jesus uses this to illustrate how dark, dirty & hidden the Pharisees are.

---

A 12-Step question: “Have you filled .. your mind with hurtful and unhealthy movies, television programs, internet sites, magazines, or books?” My answer: “The Godfather (all three of them); Deer Hunter; name a horror flick from the ’70s, ’80s, ’90s, I saw it multiple times; Alice In Wonderland (the X-rated version), Bo Derek’s X-Stacy, Behind the Green Door, Deep Throat; Pornhub, XTube, Spankwire, etc etc etc; Ramsey Campbell, Peter Straub, Stephen King (I’ve got first editions of every Stephen King book up until about five years ago); started reading my mother’s Harold Robbins in the 9th grade; Playboy, Penthouse (loved the letters); Led Zeppelin, Black Sabbath, Ozzy Osbourne, Pink Floyd (really insidious stuff; very selfish, always dark); I can still rattle off the “Seven Words You Can Never Say On Television” faster than George Carlin did it; in college, there was this woman — actually several — I wanted to get into their paints (not necessarily all at once), so I spent hours with them reading tarot cards; self-hypnosis; weed, ’shrooms, acid, cocaine, speed, etc etc etc. Like Ian Drury said: ‘Sex & Drugs & Rock ’n’ Roll’.” Jake looked at me sideways like he does: “No wonder you have a Committee...” Lots & lots & lots of dark, nasty places — not just corners, but whole rooms — for them to hide, breed, grow... ...and take over.

---

My Lord, Jesus: I come to You dispassionately, without the hyper-emotion of desperation I sometimes feel, without the panic. I come to You, Lord, deliberately, and I come to You because I know You’ve already defeated the enemy; You’ve already kicked Satan’s ass. He’s beaten; he has no strength against You. I pray, Lord Jesus, that You shine Your light on & in me. Come to me, stay with me, be with me & cleanse me. I can’t do it under my own power; I can’t light all those dark rooms & send all those demons away. I only want to live in Your light; I only want to reflect it, shine it, display it for Your glory, so others I meet will say, “I want what that guy’s got!” I know I need to do the work; I need to face the past and put it past, put it to rest. Please help me with that, Jesus. In Your holy name, I pray. Amen.

LISTEN TO GOD (SOAP 0193) Luke 10:38-42 & 11:27-28 (excerpts from NIV)

2011-12-29T10:03:00.000-08:00

...Martha opened her home to [Jesus]. [Her] sister ... Mary ... sat at the Lord’s feet listening [while] Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She ... asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!” “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed — or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” ... [Later] as Jesus was [talking], a woman in the crowd called out, “Blessed is the mother who gave you birth and nursed you.” He replied, “Blessed rather are those who hear the word of God and obey it.”

---

These two events are much nearer than their chapter:verse numbering might suggest. In the first, Mary is being a typical first-born adult daughter, mothering the household, taking care of everything & everyone. What is noteworthy is that she would even complain at all, given that the incident probably is representative of most of her life. In the second, Jesus is not in a private home but had just performed an exorcism before a large crowd and was talking about spiritual warfare. Moved by His actions & discussion, a woman offered a blessing for His mother. Jesus is neither dismissive of Mary’s complaint or the unknown woman’s praise, but He offers advice that is even more important: Listen to God — and do what He says.

---

Last night, I shared about how hard it is to connect with God, to grow the “conversational” relationship that I so dearly want. (I truly do want it, even if my actions suggest I don’t want it as badly as I say ... or as much as I should.) Sharing was hard because I don’t want a “works-based” relationship; I know that’s not what it is. Here, Jesus gives me the language: “Blessed ... are those who hear the word of God and obey it.” Well, I know I hear His word, especially when it comes to my sin (“My name is Justin, and I’m a grateful believer in Jesus Christ battling for victory one day at a time over pride, anger, lust” — yeah; that sin — “and The Committee that talks to me in my head.”), and I know I can’t be blessed as long as I disobey. That means He can’t help me with The Committee as long as I’m acting out the sins — the pride, the anger & the lust — it means I’m stuck outside recovery; outside His blessing. It means I can’t have the relationship with Him I want. ...So, I get it. OK?... ...So then, why do I act out?

---

Adonai — I’m calling out to You, Lord! I do love You! I do want You! I do need You! I am sorry, God, for all the times I continue to dishonor You, disobey You. I want to obey; I want to recover & be healed. Why am I so incapable, so unwilling, so unsuccessful at it? Please, Lord, help me! Please, Father God, help me get up in the morning & turn to You. Please help me stay focused on You throughout my day. Please help me recognize my triggers, those HALT times when I’m hungry or angry or lonely or tired and I turn to sin. Please help me reach out for help from my accountability partner, my sponsor. Please help me turn to You, rely on Your strength & not my own. Please help me surrender to You. Please take control of my messed up life so I can connect with You in a real, meaningful way on a regular basis & live in the joy that You offer. I pray this in Jesus’ holy & glorious name. Amen.

BIGOTRY & HATRED (SOAP 0192) Luke 10:30-35 (NIV)

2011-12-27T16:27:00.000-08:00

...Jesus said: “A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he was attacked by robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, brought him to an inn and took care of him. The next day he took out two denarii and gave them to the innkeeper. ‘Look after him,’ he said, ‘and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.’”

---

We know well the story of the Good Samaritan; from it, we know why the Samaritan was “good.” Delivered inside a conversation with “an expert in the law” (v25), the parable teaches that everyone is our “neighbor” when it comes to God’s commandment that we “love [our] neighbor as [our]self” (Leviticus 19:18). What’s not obvious are the biases that were obvious to Jesus’ audience. “A man ... going down from Jerusalem to Jericho,” it is assumed, would have been a citizen, an Israelite, a good Jew; clearly, the priest & Levite also were “good” Jews. We don’t need to speculate about the robbers, but the road from Jerusalem to Jericho very well could have been dangerous for lone travelers. The catch, though, is the Samaritan. In first century Judea, a Samaritan was lower than a 2nd-class citizen, possibly comparable to a black man in 1920s Mississippi. Thus, Jesus pounds home his message...

---

Lately, I’ve been pounded myself by how prejudiced, racist my life has been. The really bad thing is that the thinking is ingrained; I frequently have to ask God to forgive my bigotry when I read a news story about some kind of horrendous behavior, find that the perpetrator is a minority, and think, “It figures.” That’s wrong; I know it, and I must stop. Recently, our family watched The Diary of Anne Frank, and I was struck by how moved & horrified I was by it, doubly-so when I realized how twisted my reflexive thinking about Jews has always been. Last week, we attended a Christmas party at the home of a black family; I was (again) amazed & embarrassed by how radically changed my thinking is. I talked with the Trophy Wife, and she was surprised; she’d had little-to-no idea that such thinking was so prevalent in my family, that my father was such a bigot. ...I guess that’s all good news, but I’m still ashamed of those times when the old thinking automatically kicks in...

---

Heavenly Father — Bless You, Lord, with my whole heart & soul. Bless You for Your patience & work within me. I know my shame & guilt are signs of a softening heart; I know You do not want me to dwell on the sins of my past bigotry. Still, I am sorry for those on-going habits, those thoughts & biases that rear their ugly head even today... ...Meanwhile, I thank You, Lord, that I (seem to) have been able to protect my family from these ugly thoughts. Thank You for the great work You’re doing within me. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.

NO HARM, NO FOUL (SOAP 0191) Luke 10:18-19 (NIV)

2011-12-26T12:14:00.000-08:00

[Jesus said], “I saw Satan fall like lightning from heaven. I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you.”

---

The 72 — in pairs — have returned to Jesus, full of their success at teaching & healing. “Even the demons submit to us in your name,” they exclaim (v17). Jesus, too, is pleased. He praises God and reminds the people to rejoice first that they will be remembered in heaven; that evil spirits do what they say is incidental to that. God heals; He is the one Who saves...

---

I love Jesus, but I don’t want to rejoice that my name is written in heaven — whether it actually is or not. Today, the day after we celebrate His birth, I want to be able to expel demons. ...Once again, my heart is broken by my mother’s behavior — criticizing my family & me, starting arguments, calling names, finding new & creative ways to tell us that she just doesn’t like me — but for the first time, I’ve seen the evil spirits that must be making her life a misery. I awoke this morning (the day after spending Christmas dinner with her & my brother) thinking about the Pigs In the Parlor chapter on intercessory prayer warfare... I trust Jesus’ assurance that He gives us “authority ... to overcome all the power of the enemy” and that “nothing will harm [us],” but I also know that this assurance is for believers. ...Whether my mother believes is at question; that she’s in need of deliverance is certain. I’m sad (another holiday, another Christmas, has come & gone with dread & acrimony & resentment) and I don’t want my sadness to infect my family, my son & my wife... At least I know I can turn to Him, that I can gain comfort in His arms, that — no matter how dysfunctional life has been, no matter what my past tells me, no matter how that past creeps up from behind & sneaks into the present — He loves me, and He will guide me, and He will support me, help me forgive & move on. He will help me help them, or (at least) He will offer to help them in His own way & time.

---

Father God... Abba... Thank You for Your unconditional love. Thank You for the certainty of Your giving, forgiving presence in my life. I know — and am sorry — that I still do not respond well to the challenges about which I’ve written today, but I am grateful that I am improving; I owe that all to Your influence & Grace. Thank You for opening my heart so I can see their pain; this helps me be less selfish, more in tune with You. Please guide me, Lord, to better knowing & pursuing & doing Your will; please help me forgive like You do so that I can help demonstrate Your glory and Your love and Your Grace. Please help me live with & for You so that these others can see the happiness, the utter Joy that comes from knowing You and Your Son, my Lord & Savior Jesus, the Christ, in whose Holy & glorious name I pray. Amen.

TESTIFY (SOAP 0190) John 9:35-36 (NIV)

2011-12-24T13:32:00.000-08:00

Jesus heard that they had thrown him out, and when He found him, He said, “Do you believe in the Son of Man?” “Who is He, Sir?” the man asked. “Tell me so that I may believe in Him.

---

Jesus is still in Jerusalem; the Feast of the Tabernacles has ended, and it’s the Sabbath. Jesus teaches in the temple and leaves when the Pharisees & people refuse to accept Him and get angry when He says, “Before Abraham was born, I AM!” (John 8:58b) He heals a blind man, who is challenged by the same Pharisees & people — they alternately don’t believe he’s been healed &/or that the Healer is anything more than demon-possessed. Ultimately, the healed man is excommunicated, giving him a chance to be saved again. He’s cast out of the temple; he’s no longer part of what the worldly Jews think of as God’s kingdom, His promise. Yet, Jesus looks for him, finds him and offers salvation in exchange for belief. I love how the man promises: Tell me, and I will believe. That’s all the Lord needs to do; that’s all we need to do: Tell. We don’t save; Jesus does. Our testimony & our willingness to share it are our only parts in the matter.

---

Talking last night with our soon-to-be new Children’s pastor; surprised her by saying, “People who knew me before wouldn’t believe me. They hear that I’ve come to the Lord, they’ll go, ‘Him? Nawww!’” She asked if I’d shared my testimony with key people — like my mother & brothers — and I admit I’ve not testified as much as I should. Truth be told, I’m still working through the surprise, hesitancy myself. I testify to people I don’t know well, certainly other Christians, but I find conversations with the unconverted (those who might benefit most from new belief) mostly nibble about the edges. I don’t say “ashamed” (because Jesus instructed us not to be); it’s mostly I’m not sure I’m prepared; I don’t know how to answer or which answers I can / should offer... I just finished Lee Strobel’s The Case for Christ; I found it interesting & well-done, but it didn’t speak to me. Problem is, I’m afraid any conversation I have with an unbeliever will degenerate into me making Strobel’s case — and that is not what the Lord wants... My most effective evangelizing will always be personal testimony. I need to respond to the plea — Tell me, and I will believe. — with my own version, the tale of my own salvation. I need to learn to be the little bit of Jesus that they need to see in order to understand His love. I need to let them see God’s fingerprints on my life so they can imagine how He can touch theirs.

---

Dear Lord, my heavenly Father, my Jehovah-Nissi — I love You deeply & sincerely, and I want to love You as publicly as You desire from me. I’m sorry for any time that I am hesitant to share that love with anyone who needs to know it; I’m sorry for any time it seems I may be hesitant or shy or embarrassed. I pray, Lord, that You will give me the words to go with whatever opportunities for sharing my testimony, for sharing You and my love for You. Please be with me during those times, guide me, fill me with Your Holy Spirit so I can do nothing but glorify You — particularly now, this time of year when we celebrate the birth of Your Son, my Lord & Savior, Jesus Christ, in whose name I pray. Amen.

OUT OF THE DUST (SOAP 0189) John 8:6b & 8 (excerpts from NIV)

2011-12-22T10:04:00.000-08:00

But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with His finger. ... Again He stooped down and wrote on the ground.

---

October-ish in Jerusalem. It’s the morning after Jesus declared that “rivers of living water will flow from within” those who “believe in [Him]” (John 7:38), and He’s returned to the temple court, teaching again. Picture: It’s early, first thing in the morning, sunny in that slanted, early autumn kind of way. Hear: It’s quiet; people talking about God, learning, happy to be there. Then: A loud commotion; shoving, shouting, crying. The Pharisees appear, dragging a disheveled woman, barely dressed. They throw her into the middle of the crowd; maximum exposure, total humiliation. They tell Jesus they’ve caught her in the act of adultery. ...Really? Picture that; think about it... (And, oh, by the way: Where’s the man?) They want to stone her; they want Jesus to condemn her. But He won’t. As Pastor Chuck Smith teaches, Jesus didn’t come to condemn; He came to save. ...So what did He write in the dust? Was it (like Jeremiah 17:13 predicts) the names of those who have forsaken the Lord, the “spring of living water?” Did He write the names of the sinners in the Pharisees’ posse? Did He write of the shame on their arid hearts? Is that why they shuffled away? ...And in six months, they would be back to put Him to death.

---

Truly, the Pharisees were instruments of the enemy. It’s clear they set this woman up & used her to get at Jesus. (If not, then where is the man?) Their shame turned them away; they could not stand up to His knowledge of their sin. How many came back the following spring? How many were part of that fateful lynching? Did any, after the incident with the adulteress, repent? We don’t know, but I do know it was an option; I have faith that He would have forgiven them their lust, their wrath, their hypocrisy, their sin. I know Jesus knows my sins; I know He wants me to turn to Him, to the Father, just as He wanted the Pharisees to. As I work through the 4th step, I know I will visit difficult memories; I will face demons that have governed my life for so long. While I do, I need to remember the lesson of the adulteress: Jesus came to save, not condemn. And while I remember & work my steps, I also need to remember the prayer I offered yesterday, the prayer that the Lord will help me forgive just as freely as I accept His Grace.

---

My dear Lord God, Jehovah-Rophe — I praise You for Your strength, Your power, the healing that comes from Your love. Beyond the physical, You help heal my emotions, my mind. You offer me sanity where once there was only confusion & anger. I need this, Lord, more than anything else. I need to connect with You, to turn to You, to repent so I can be with You. Thank You for Your forgiveness, Your Grace. Thank You for the lessons You offer me that heal me, that soften & mend my frozen, broken heart. Please help me demonstrate Your loving Grace each & every day; help me surrender to You & let You make all things right to Your Glory. Thank You for this. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.

PRAYER FOR FORGIVENESS (SOAP 0188) Matthew 18:32-35 (NIV)

2011-12-21T10:02:00.000-08:00

“Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed. This is how My heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”

---

The Gospels reveal more than Jesus; frequently, they reveal the folly of man. Jesus performs miracle after miracle and teaches — “with authority” (Mark 1:27) — as none have taught before, and still the world misses the points. In the face of His humility & in the wake of His predictions of His own death, the disciples argue over which of them will be “greatest.” At least they have enough shame to be embarrassed... ...Still, Jesus teaches & teaches; the Lord’s love is expansive, all-encompassing, He tells them. But it’s not without consequence; it comes with responsibility. In this one story, a single parable, Jesus teaches about God’s vast, unrelenting forgiveness — and our responsibility to similarly forgive. And, all the while, Jesus foreshadows His own sacrifice, the great payment He is to make on all our behalves.

---

Little can strike fear deeper in my heart than the idea that God will hold my unforgiveness against me. His heart for me is planted smack in the middle of the muck, the grime, the filth of my own sin & mercilessness. So frequently, I am filled with resentment & anger & hurt over things that were said to me, done to me, done in spite of me... ...whether the pain was intentional or incidental or accidental, it often doesn’t matter; I carry the scar. In a recent 12-step group, I asserted that I don’t have any grudges, but upon reflection I fear that may be untrue. My anxiety is high when I consider 9th-stepping certain people — my brothers, my mother — going to them, asking & offering forgiveness for the years of dysfunction. I fear that I’m not going to be able to do it properly, that it will become an argument, a source of even greater resentment; I fear the humiliation of admitting my part in all the wrongs done in my family’s past. Most deeply, though, I fear the Lord’s anger if I don’t learn to forgive the way He wants, the way Jesus taught. I know that His love & forgiveness are not conditional, but I also want to be obedient and live the way Jesus taught. This is such a huge step, and I know I cannot do it alone, and I fear what it will take for me to be made ready...

---

Father God, Jehovah-M’Kaddesh — You are my great refuge; You are my great Redeemer. Thank You, God, for Your endless, bottomless, peerless forgiveness. Thank You, Lord, for the Grace I don’t deserve. — I don’t deserve it because I’ve done wrong (and sometimes continue to), and I don’t deserve it because I can be so unforgiving & so unrelenting in my criticism & anger & hatred. — Please, Lord, help me be the man You want me to be. Please, Lord, help me rid myself of all the demons (harmfully real & habitually imagined) that plague my mind, my heart, my soul. Please, Lord, break me open, shatter my hard & black & unrelenting heart. Please, Lord, see beyond the mere words & send Your Holy Spirit to renew my mind, to transform my life into one modeled by Jesus, my Lord & Savior, in whose name I pray. Amen.

MOVING MOUNTAINS AIN’T SO HARD (SOAP 0187) Mark 9:17-29 & Matt 17:19-21 (from NIV)

2011-12-20T14:43:00.000-08:00

A man in the crowd [said], “Teacher, I brought You my son, who is possessed... I asked Your disciples to drive out the spirit, but they could not.” “You unbelieving generation,” Jesus replied, “how long shall I stay with You? How long shall I put up with You? ... Everything is possible for one who believes.” Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!” ... [Later, Jesus’] disciples asked Him privately, “Why couldn’t we drive it out?” He replied, “This kind can come out only by prayer. ... Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”

---

Coming off the Mount of Transfiguration, Jesus meets this crowd, many of whom are scribes & legalists arguing with the disciples. I can imagine the arguments — about whether healing miracles are even possible because the disciples have not been able to “drive out the spirit” from this boy. It’s not clear with whom Jesus gets impatient, his disciples or their critics, but His point is the same no matter which: Faith is all that is necessary to make miracles.

---

I’ve always loved the father’s desperate, passionate line: “I do believe! Help me overcome my unbelief!” (Mark 9:24b) He would say, do anything for his son to be healed. I hear him immediately asserting his faith — and then second-guessing himself, in case it’s not enough. That’s me. I know that faith & belief aren’t the same things. I’ve made the decision to believe, but I need greater measures of the Lord’s blessing to grow my faith — because that is a gift from Him. Hebrews 11:1 tells us that “Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen,” but we need to remember that God gives those hoped-for things substance, God shows us that unseen evidence. Hebrews 12:2 says that “Jesus [is] the author and perfecter of faith,” so we know it comes from & grows through Him. ...But how? O, how I love the Bible; O, how I love God, my Jehovah and my Yeshua Messiah. “Overcome my unbelief?” Grow my faith? “Perfect” it? It’s all here, right here: in the Bible. Romans 10:17 tells us that “faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the Word about Christ,” so all I need to do is read my Bible. O, how I love my Jehovah, my Rabbi.

---

Dear Loving, Saving Lord: I do love You; I do want to bless You; I do want to honor You with all my mind, my heart, my soul. I praise You, Adonai, and call out my gratitude for Your saving Grace. Thank You, Lord, for helping me & my family; thank You, Father God, for leading me in Your ways that I might be a better husband to my wife, a stronger father to my son. Please, Rabbi, teach me, guide me. I know I can’t ask You to force me, but I pray that you will lead me with a strong, firm hand. Keep this fire for You alive in me; bind the enemy that wants to confuse & distract me; rebuke him — anyone — who will take me from You. Give me strength to pursue belief; give me a thirst that can be quenched only by knowing You; give me a hunger that can be sated only by loving You. This is my prayer, Father God, in the name of your Son, my Lord & Savior, Jesus Christ. Amen.

JUST ONE KEY (SOAP 0186) Matthew 16:19 (NIV)

2011-12-19T11:58:00.000-08:00

“I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven; whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.”

---

Jesus and his disciples are traveling throughout the small towns of northern Galilee, in “the region of Caesarea Philippi” (v13). This beautiful & peaceful place is well-known to first century Jews as a center of pagan worship — previously known as Ba’al Hermon and then Paneas (for the Greek god Pan) — so it’s interesting that Jesus travels so far (150 miles north of Jerusalem) and that it is here He asks His disciples who He is. When Peter unhesitatingly replies, “You are the Messiah,” Jesus promises “the keys of the kingdom of heaven.” (Later (at 18:18), Jesus repeats the line about binding & loosing on earth and in heaven, and the phrase “the keys” is used identically in Revelation (at 1:18), when Jesus says He “hold[s] the keys of death and Hades.”) I love that this conversation happens in a place that Jews of the day would see as a stronghold of the enemy and that He so strongly affirms Peter’s response.

---

Sometimes, when I’m looking for ways to crack the code, to make the firm connection & know that all these promises hold true for me & my family, a scripture like this will resonate deep within, solidly & without equivocation. More than that, this is an instruction, a directive. I know I believe because God told me; Jesus tells me now to bind on earth those things that lead me to sin, to loose on earth those things that show His love. Because I know this intellectually but continue to fail in my heart & actions, I worry that I just don’t have the strength of character to change. There is hope in knowing that Peter and the other apostles also failed, but there are times (like now) that I just don’t want to fail Him any more. I need just one key... ...only a key to unlock & open that door to my heart so I can love & be true to Him. ...Lefty McMurphy suggested a key to me some time ago, and I did well for a while. But I fell off the wagon (as it were), and I’m afraid I’ve separated myself from Him again. I need to need Him; I need to want Him; I need to be passionate about Him & my life & my family & all that He’s given me. I need to love Him the way that He loves me...

---

My Dear Lord... Bless You, Adonai, because You are the One & Only. Bless You, Abba, because You are my Great Father. Please look deeply into my heart, God, and see my love for You; please know my love and help me know it & show it & follow it, too. I know, Father God, I make a habit of falling away from You; I know my apologies must sound hollow & shallow, especially given the frequency with which I fail and how little I struggle against temptation. Though I take solace in Romans 7, I don’t pretend to be Paul; I’m afraid I don’t even hate my sin as much as I should — certainly not while I’m engaged in it. Though I don’t want to live in despair, I want to carry with me the sorrow that I feel each time I truly turn back to You. Please, Lord, be in me, so I can be changed. Please, Lord, be with me, so I can show how You’ve changed me. Please, Lord, help me help my family — my wife & my son — help me be for them the man You want me to be. Help me show them the true depth of my love for them — by my actions first. Please help me surrender to You always. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

FROM THE INSIDE OUT (SOAP 0185) Mark 7:18-23 (NIV)

2011-12-05T13:31:00.000-08:00

“Are you so dull?” He asked. “Don’t you see that nothing that enters a person from the outside can defile them? For it doesn’t go into their heart but into their stomach, and then out of the body.” (In saying this, Jesus declared all foods clean.) He went on: “What comes out of a person is what defiles them. For it is from within, out of a person’s heart, that evil thoughts come — sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly. All these evils come from inside and defile a person.”

---

I wonder if Jesus reveled in engaging the Pharisees the way he did; sometimes, it sure seems like it... Why else would he allow or model or (even) teach that ritualistic washing before meals was unnecessary? Along with so many other rules that the Law Keepers promoted, this was something the Israelites had been doing for 15 hundred years! The Pharisees must have been used to a completely different reaction when the pointed out that someone was breaking the rules. Did they expect Jesus to fall to the ground in agonized penance? Did they expect Him to rend His clothes? His disciples reported that the Pharisees were “offended” by His response, but no one seemed to be offended by the fact that the Pharisees seemed to place more importance on the ritual than on the belief.

---

I’m frequently amazed at the things with which the Pharisees chose to challenge Jesus. At some level, I guess that’s how far removed from the legalistic, bureaucratic, pointy-headed I am. I just don’t see what’s so important... ...but then, I get my own mind wrapped about my performance, my works. I know it’s because I’m afraid that my heart’s not changing; that I’m still too much caught up in my own world, my own crap. There’s still too much sin — sexual immorality, anger & rage, thoughts of murder & theft, petty jealousy & deceit — too much deep inside that I know offends God. I know that I want, but I also know that I’m not taking the right steps, doing the right things, thinking, praying... ...and it comes back to works. I know I’m thinking wrong; I know I’m not surrendering; I know I’m still backed up, that I’m not changing, that I’m still defiled, that there’s too much sin in my heart, that He just couldn’t love me the way I am... ...and I know He wants me to believe something different. I just don’t know how to get there...

---

Father God: You are truly the only One, the One who forgives, who teaches, who leads, who changes, who heals. Abba Rophe, Jehovah Rohi, Adonai... Please, Papi... I don’t have the strength of character to change on my own, to eliminate my bad habits or even turn to You when I am tempted. I don’t have the power to overcome the desires that live & move so freely in my heart; I don’t have the faith to know that You love me the way You say You do. I keep turning to You in shame or I put off turning to You at all because I know what’s in my heart, I know the sin & defiance. Please, Lord! Please take me, break me, mold me, change me. I simply don’t want to be this shallow Christian any more! Make me new & birth me again, from the inside out! This is my prayer, Lord, in the name of Your Son, my Savior, Jesus Christ. Amen.

SOFTEN MY HEART, LORD (SOAP 0184) Mark 6:49-52 (NIV)

2011-11-28T13:38:00.000-08:00

When they saw Him walking on the lake, they thought He was a ghost. They cried out, because they all saw Him and were terrified. Immediately He spoke to them and said, “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.” Then He climbed into the boat with them, and the wind died down. They were completely amazed, for they had not understood about the loaves; their hearts were hardened.

---

So frequently, it seems, Jesus performs great miracles one immediately after the other. He’s just fed some 10,000 people with five loaves & two fish, and He follows up by walking on the stormy water of the Sea of Galilee. I can’t cite specifics, but it seems like the public display of His power is frequently done for the benefit of many, and He reinforces it with a private example seen only by the apostles. Often, the Gospels describe how the apostles called Him “Son of God” & “Chosen One” & “Messiah,” and just as often, we see how they do not understand (or do not believe) what they’ve just witnessed. Was it so far outside their experience? Was He so radical that their brains just couldn’t process? Here, Mark tells us “their hearts were hardened.” Does that simply mean that they didn’t have enough faith?

---

What happens — every day — that I miss? In what miraculous ways do God & Jesus act in my life that I just don’t see? What do I see but not appreciate? Is my heart so hard that I cannot connect with God in meaningful ways? ...I started this post on Sunday morning & then went to listen to New Pastor Rick (NPR) deliver a rousing lesson on staying connected with the Lord in ways that He appreciates. NPR suggested that we return to the passion of our new love for Christ, when prayer & Bible were all we wanted. “That’s me!” I thought, and then lost it by the end of the day... ...I don’t want to be that short-sighted; I don’t want to be that lazy in my lust for intimacy with Jesus! I want to know Him, and I want Him to know that I want that... I want Him to soften my heart; I want Him to crush the hardened aril that surrounds it, pierce the muscle that protects it; I want Him to circumcise my heart, drain it of the black blood that is my worldly sin, my fleshly lust and fill it with nothing but love for Him. ...And when I feel the strength of this conviction, when I sense His presence in me, when I know His support and love for me, I know I can fail at nothing — I know I will not fail at even knowing Him & loving Him with all of my being...

---

ABBA!!! I call to You, my Lord & my God with every fiber ova my being. My mind screams with my desire to know You, my soul shrieks with my longing to be with You. Without self-condemnation, without despair, I beg Your forgiveness for my worldly lusts; I am sorry for allowing the enemy to distract me from the lessons I learn & have such difficulty incorporating... Thank You, Lord, my God & my Salvation! I love You and am grateful for Your support. Praise be to You for your never-ending support. Ignite my heart, O Lord! I pray only Lord that You continue Your miraculous work in me, that You recondition my heart, renew my mind, and transform my soul, making me into the man You want me to be in Your Son, my Savior, Jesus Christ, in whose name I pray! Amen.

WHERE FAITH BEGINS (SOAP 0183) John 6:8b-12 (excerpts from NIV)

2011-11-26T12:55:00.000-08:00

Andrew [said], “Here is a boy with five small barley loaves and two small fish, but how far will they go among so many?” ... (about five thousand men were there). Jesus then took the loaves, gave thanks, and distributed to those who were seated as much as they wanted. He did the same with the fish. When they had all had enough to eat, he said to his disciples, “Gather the pieces that are left over. Let nothing be wasted.”

---

Jesus has sent out The Twelve to teach & heal & exorcise; as Matthew says, He “gave them authority” (10:1). While they were away from Him, He taught & preached “in the towns of Galilee” (Matthew 11:1), and ultimately learned of the death of his beloved cousin, John the Baptist, at the hands of Herod. Matthew reports that Jesus “withdrew by boat to a solitary place” (14:13), but the crowds followed Him (and, by all accounts, His disciples didn’t actually appreciate His pain & mourning). So, He once again found Himself surrounded by as many as 10,000 people (or more; note that John reports “five thousand men” (6:10b) which doesn’t include women & children), and He patiently teaches them. The selflessness is as abundant as the meal He created, but imagine what it was like for the apostles as they handed out the food. What about the boy that Andrew introduced to Jesus? What did he think as he witnessed this miracle? How was his life different from that day forward? Later, after another Passover had come & gone, did he hear about Jesus’ death? Did he know about His resurrection? He must have believed... No?

---

I’m reading Lee Strobel’s The Case for Christ, and — although it is interesting & educational — I (not surprisingly) find that my primary reaction is, “Of course.” At some level, I am gratified to know that my faith in Jesus’ life & divinity are solid; I know that He came from God and performed miracles and died for our sins and rose from the grave after conquering death & the enemy. I know these things with all my mind; yet, I still find myself longing for the dead certainty in my heart that must have belonged to that young boy as we watched his basket of food being handed out to the masses. Think of it: The bread multiplied as it was passed from one person to the next; a piece of fish was taken, and others appeared in its place. What must that have been like for The Twelve? What about the boy? How his heart must have swelled, soared to see the Lord use his provisions as gifts for all eternity...

---

Heavenly Father, my Lord, Jehovah Tsidkenu! You are Adonai, the Great I AM, the One to Whom I dedicate my life. I love You & worship You & praise You & bless You, Lord. Thank You for making me aware; thank You for helping me know... I am grateful that You have invited me into Your Kingdom and made me part of it. I ask, now, only that You help with that two-foot drop — from my head to my heart. I know I’ve asked before; I pray that You will fill me with Your Holy Spirit so I can know & do & live Your will and demonstrate Your Grace & love to those in my life. My family, my partners, my sponsor & my church. Please, Lord God, help me become more deeply involved, more completely in love with You. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

FEAR & FAITH (SOAP 0182) Luke 8:30-50 (excerpts from NIV)

2011-10-21T14:13:00.000-07:00

Jesus asked [the demoniac], “What is your name?” “Legion,” he replied, because many demons had gone into him. And they begged Jesus repeatedly not to order them to go into the Abyss. ... When the demons came out of the man ... all the people ... asked Jesus to leave them, because they were overcome with fear. ... As Jesus was on his way, ... a woman ... came up behind him and touched the edge of his cloak ... “Who touched me?” Jesus asked. ... [T]he woman ... came trembling and fell at his feet. ... Then he said to her, “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace.” While Jesus was still speaking, someone came from the house of Jairus.... “Your daughter is dead,” he said. ... Jesus said to Jairus, “Don’t be afraid; just believe, and she will be healed.”

---

Jesus’ ministry moves at a fever pitch. Everywhere He goes, crowds surround Him, follow Him, beg Him for help. Still, there is fear throughout, trembling & outright horror. The people don’t know for sure who He is, they can’t explain the things He’s doing. They know they want the blessing, but they are afraid that they don’t understand the Source. So, they take from Him, like the woman who sneaks a touch of his cloak, but they tremble & hide. Still, He loves them, He has compassion for them all. Even the demons...

---

What’s the fear? Is it the only thing standing in my way of a real relationship with Christ? Is it an indication that I don’t know for sure who He really is? Is it clouding & interfering with my faith? ...Over & over & over & over, I pray to the Lord to resolve my fear, to help me push through it, but I can’t seem to come up with anything that sticks. I tell myself & Him that I’m really, truly going to surrender to His will this time, that I’m going to turn my life over, and then I don’t. This morning, I said to the Cardinal, “I promise I’ll do His will just as soon as He lets me know what it is,” and we both got a good laugh out of that. But there’s an element of truth: I know I’m supposed to trust, to get beyond the fear... But trust what? Look at it this way: If I could only reach out and touch His cloak, would I be too afraid? My mind screams, “No!!!” but I have an image of my body staying at the back of the crowds, me telling myself that I only need to take a couple of steps & reach out... ...and would I do it before it was too late?

---

Papi! My dear Lord, father God. Adonai — I know You are the One for me! I know You love me more than anything! Why? O why am I so afraid to love You & trust You completely? There’s Sara Martin in The Patriot who won’t talk with her father until he’s almost out of earshot, and then she runs — calling, pleading, crying — after him, “Papa! Papa, don’t, I’ll say anything! Please, Papa! I’ll say anything you want! Tell me what you want me to say!” That’s the way I feel, Lord, like a little girl, a child. Just tell me what you want me to say, to do... ...Please take away the fear I have of talking with You, of being with You, of knowing You and doing what You want. Please, Papa! I love you! In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.

NO SECRETS (SOAP 0181) Luke 8:17 (NIV)

2011-10-20T14:15:00.000-07:00

“For there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed, and nothing concealed that will not be known or brought out into the open.”

---

A line from smack in the middle of Jesus’ parable of a lamp on a stand. He reminds us that no one lights a lamp and then puts it underneath something, masking the light and leaving the room in the dark. We can almost hear the ironic chuckle in His voice as He refrains pointing out the obvious: “That would be stupid.” (Remember to put the parable in its historical context: Lamp oil was costly; you didn’t waste it.) The parable also is related by Mark (4:21-22), and Jesus clearly is talking about how God knows everything; it would be stupid to try to hide things from Him. But Matthew relates Jesus’ use of this analogy, too (at 5:15, in the Sermon on the Mount), and the point there is a bit different. There, Jesus is talking about our place in the Kingdom of God; He is reminding us that we “are the light of the world.” Come to think of it, the two uses aren’t so far apart...

---

Sometimes, timing is everything, and God’s timing is always perfect. I need to remember that; I need to live it... ...Just now, the Step Group is moving into #4, the dreaded Moral Inventory; I’m faced with sitting down & taking account of the past of my life. The CR manuals stress the importance of a balanced inventory; they understand how easy it can be to get sucked into the negativity of merely rehearsing our past sins. On the other hand, Lefty McMurphy has challenged me to write down just those 10 Things that I don’t want anyone to know, those Great Secrets of my life. I know the point is to share them with him, and I also know that neither he nor the Lord will let me wallow in the despair & pity that will threaten to creep in if I don’t take a balanced approach. Still, I’m more than just a bit apprehensive; I find myself doing all kinds of things to avoid doing this program work. This verse, then, is timely; God’s timing is always perfect. Ultimately, it doesn’t matter, does it. God knows everything I’ve done; He loves me anyway & only wants me to be healed. The recrimination, the darkness, the wretchedness that the enemy puts on my is nothing compared to the victory I already enjoy in Christ. I know that; I just need to live it.

---

O, my Lord, Jehovah Nissi, my shelter & standard — Thank You, always, for the protection You provide; thank You for the refuge You extend in the face of the enemy. I know You have only the best things at heart for me & my family, which is why You’ve led me to recovery; I know You will always do right by me and support me. I know You are also my Jehovah Rophe, my healer, and You will do whatever it takes to make me well, as long as I do my part. Thank You, Lord, for Your support & for bringing me Lefty McMurphy to support me on this difficult walk. I pray a hedge of protection around Lefty; I pray blessings on his home & family. I thank You for his love & brotherhood. Please, Lord, just let me know Your will for my life & family; give me the courage & strength to do it, to pursue it, to get it done. This is my only prayer, in Jesus’ name. Amen.

SPEW FORTH (SOAP 0180) Matthew 12:33-35 (NIV)

2011-10-18T16:47:00.000-07:00

“Make a tree good and its fruit will be good, or make a tree bad and its fruit will be bad, for a tree is recognized by its fruit. You brood of vipers, how can you who are evil say anything good? For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of. A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him.”

---

This is one of those times when Jesus just blasts the Pharisees. No irony, no sarcasm, no parable; no question about it. He throws down, calling them “evil” to their faces. He has just healed a demon-possessed blind & mute man, and the Pharisees essentially accuse Him of performing witchcraft. “Only by the power of Beelzebul,” they say (v24), suggesting there’s nothing holy about what Jesus has done — that it’s actually unholy. Duck! This really ticks Jesus off. This is the place where he talks about how “blasphemy against the [Holy] Spirit will not be forgiven” (v31) “either in this age or the age to come” (v32). Here, He calls them “vipers” & “evil” and then launches into this analogy about trees & their fruit and how what comes out of our mouths is a reflection of what’s inside us, what’s been “stored up” inside us for the balance of our lives.

---

When we moved into the old house, there were a pair of apple trees in the back that were afflicted with fireblight. At one time, they’d been gorgeous trees & probably produced bounteous fruit; the original owner used to come by every now & then to collect the apples, although I couldn’t figure out why — because they were horrid: twisted, small, sour. Bad trees; bad fruit. Makes sense... ...When I first heard about the unpardonable sin, blasphemy against the Holy Spirit, I was terrified that I might be guilty. What would I do? Maybe that’s why I can’t seem to get & hold a strong connection to the Lord! “Please, God,” I’d beg inside my twisted mind, “if I did it, I didn’t mean to!” See: All kinds of “bad” used to come out of my mouth; I understand now that it’s because there was all kinds of “bad” stored up in me... ...But now, I want to change that; I’m working to clean that “bad,” that blackness out and replace it with the fruit of the Holy Spirit, the Love of Christ. It’s taking a lot longer than I expect, than I want, but I praying & expecting on His help and guidance. I know with God’s Grace, I’ll get there...

---

Dearest God, my Sanctifier Jehovah M’Kaddish: I know You have set me apart for Yourself; I know that You want me to be Holy because You are Holy & You want me to be with You. I know these things because You promised them, and I believe completely in You. Thank You, Lord, and bless Your name. I know there were those times when (like Paul), my doubts, my unbelief, my immaturity led me to be open to the influence of the enemy, when I very probably said & did things that were poison to Your ears. I know that there are still times when my mouth reflects the blackness stored up inside me, when I say things that are horribly offensive to You. I pray, my God, Adonai, my deepest gratitude & devotion that You are helping me replace this stored evil with the Goodness of your Holy Spirit. I thank You, Lord, in the name of Your Son & my Savior, Jesus Christ. Amen.

KNOW ME, LORD (SOAP 0179) Matthew 7:21-23 (NIV)

2011-10-17T12:30:00.000-07:00

“Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of My Father who is in heaven. Many will say to Me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in Your name and in Your name drive out demons and in Your name perform many miracles?’ Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’”

---

Starting with the Beatitudes (i.e., “supreme blessedness” or “exalted happiness”), the Sermon on the Mount ends with three either-or scenarios. Jesus warns about false prophets and tells how to recognize them; similarly, He predict false disciples (i.e., “pupils” or “followers”); He tells us where to put the foundation of our faith and how to build it strong & resilient. This brings the Sermon to full circle because properly-founded & -built faith will lead to happiness. When we truly follow Jesus & His teachings, we will be blessed. Part of Sermon’s beauty is it’s nothing too complicated; it’s pretty straightforward. That doesn’t mean living Jesus’ teaching is easy — because much can be difficult. The most important part may be where Jesus admonishes us to trust the Father, not to worry. Still, His teaching here about false disciples is critical. He knows our hearts; He knows which of us are truly trying to follow Him & do His Father’s will...

---

In Revelation (2:17b), Jesus promises “a white stone with a new name written on it, known only to the one who receives it.” That sounds so very cool. Jesus was a great nicknamer: Simon became the Rock; James & John Zebedee were the Sons of Thunder; He re-named Levi into Matthew. The names He gave held special meaning — to Jesus, to the person He named, to history. Do we see puzzlement, excitement, trepidation, pride when one got His name? “Simon” was a common, popular Hebrew name. How did he feel — this talkative, impulsive, brash, young man — when His rabbi said, “I will call you ‘Kephas’” (Aramaic for “rock”)? (John translated Cephas into the Greek petros (for “rock”), anglicized as Peter.) What did young Simon think? How did he feel about that nickname — did he feel particularly rock-like? — on that horrible night before Jesus was crucified & he denied his rabbi three times? By this name, I think, Jesus reveals who we really are, who He knows us to be, just exactly how we are to be blessed... ...Ever since I was a little kid, I’ve always wanted a nickname.

---

O my Heavenly Father, my Pater: You are my true protector, my leader, my shepherd. Thank You, Jehovah Rohi, for Your patience & strength. I know, Lord, I have not followed You, I have not obeyed You the way that You require. I know, Lord, I have continued to sin, to avoid Your will. I am sorry. With Lefty McMurphy’s guidance, I am finally working the program; I am seriously trying to learn & do those things You want. With my thanks for Your patience, I also thank You for Your continued forgiveness. I want to obey, Lord; I want to know You & demonstrate that I know You in all I do & say. That is my only prayer: to know You & walk with You & see Your face. Thank You always, in Jesus’ name. Amen.

MERCY = TRUE LOVE = FAITHFULNESS (SOAP 0178) Matthew 9:13 (NIV)

2011-10-13T12:48:00.000-07:00

“But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice.’ For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”

---

Jesus has tapped Levi (aka Matthew) to be a disciple, and a whole crowd — including “tax collectors and sinners” (v10) — is having dinner. The Pharisees question Jesus’ choice of friends & acquaintances: Why would He spend time with this riff-raff? Here comes Jesus’ famous quip, “It’s not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick” (v12), but “mercy, not sacrifice” spoke to me. I took Jesus at His word: I went to learn what it means... Quoting Hosea (6:6) where the prophet reminds the people of God’s covenant and His promise to redeem & restore Israel. In both cases (Hosea and Matthew), the Lord isn’t interested in obsequious pretense, the mere obedience of going through blood-rite motions. God cares only for our hearts; He’s not fooled by the showy false fealty of people like the Pharisees who use position to enrich themselves at the expense of (or without regard to) others. Jesus’ line about “the righteous” is a slamming insult, rich in sarcasm & contempt. He’s not confirming their righteousness but condemning their self-righteousness & lifting up those who know they are sinners, those to whom He will later refer as “the poor in spirit” (Matthew 5:3). Some translations use “loyalty” or “love” instead of “mercy,” but that just reinforces the point that our treatment of others is equal to our love for & faithfulness to the Lord.

---

This resonated because it’s a weakness. I’m not as loving, forgiving, patient as God wants; that is disobedience, and He wants me to change. Moreover, He wants me to connect with Him in meaningful ways; He doesn’t want me just going through the motions. Problem is, my devotional life is like the sacrifice He doesn’t want. Lefty McMurphy — acting as my sponsor — called me on my disobedience, my constant returning to the vomit of porn & self-abuse. He scolded me to stop pretending, to be honest about my disobedience, to get just this right, and he promised to help me. “Over the next 90 days,” he said, “focus on this one thing. Don’t worry about anything else, and He will strengthen you.” So, I committed; I must be honest with God, and I need His help in this area so I can grow in my forgiveness, patience & love of others — the way He wants. These things seem disconnected, but they’re not. God wants my obedience in all things, but He can’t help with my heart until I deal with my sin.

---

My Dear Lord... I don’t have words with which to praise You; I don’t have the name to hallow besides Jehovah Tsidkenu, my righteousness. I love You, God, and thank You for the patient work you continue to do in me. Once again, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for continuing to act out; I’m sorry for not taking my recovery as seriously as You do, for not dedicating myself to truly walking with You & then complaining that You don’t reach out to me. I’m sorry for treating my relationship with You as work, for thinking I need to prove myself. I’m sorry for not simply believing You & obeying You out of love. Please help me with this; please deliver me & my home from these demons & habits of lust & porn so that I can be healed, my home can be healed, and we can know & serve You. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.

TEACH ME (SOAP 0177) Mark 1:22 (NIV)

2011-09-14T13:17:00.000-07:00

The people were amazed at His teaching, because He taught them as One who had authority, not as the teachers of the law.

---

I’d guess Jesus is a year or so into His ministry. After His temptations in the wilderness, He performed the miracle at Cana (a day’s walk from Capernaum, where He amazes the people with His teaching), then roamed down to Jerusalem & Judea to Samaria and back to Galilee & Nazareth (where He was rejected) & Capernaum. Except for His conversations with the Samaritan woman & Nicodemus, we don’t see Him teaching much. He argued with the Pharisees about the marketplace they’d made of the temple in Jerusalem, but I don’t think there was much instruction going on there... So, the question is: “When He started teaching, what did Jesus say?” These passages don’t tell a lot, but we get a real picture later in the “Sermon On the Mount.” I can imagine the “teachers of the law” lecturing people on the finer points of the 613 mitzvoth, the Talmud & all of rabbinical commandments. Sitting through one of those was probably like listening to a career FDA bureaucrat listing the labeling requirements & their exceptions for the packaging & sale of non-dairy perishables – deflecting, rationalizing & sniveling whenever he gets something half-wrong. Then Jesus comes along and says, “Lookit: This is the way it is...” And, of course, He makes sense. No wonder “the people were amazed!”

---

I was thinking this morning about my life, about the time I spent (literally) in the dark, not understanding how what I was doing impacted me & others, not caring about anything but immediate, incidental pleasure. Purposelessness... I’m not completely over that, yet, but I am amazed at how much I’ve learned in such a relatively short time. A powerful teacher, indeed, Jesus has brought light to so much of what I am... I’m still short, I still miss so much, but I have this faith – a little tiny spec – that He is patient & loving & still teaching me. Yes; I, too, am amazed and anxious to learn more, to see more, and to know how to share His lessons with my family, friends, acquaintances. This is the freedom He promised, and I claim it – gladly.

---

Heavenly Father, Papi... Thank You, praise You & bless You, Lord! I praise You, El-Shaddai, for all the blessings You share & for the wealth with which you share them. I am sorry, Lord, for my continued sin & backsliding, but I am even more sorry for the despair, the self-commendation I allow to creep into my thoughts. The greatest blessing You give is Your Grace, and I do not mean to demean it by ignoring it any more than by my habit of taking it for granted. Please, Lord, help me learn to accept Your love & the love of others and fill me with that love to overflowing so it forces out the self-hatred, -loathing & -doubt. Clear my mind & my heart, Lord, so I can share You with others, be a simple & straightforward leader in my family, so we all can learn the lessons that Jesus taught with such authority, such simplicity, such clarity and so we can glorify You in all we do. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.

LIGHT TRUMPS DARK (SOAP 0176) John 3:19-21 (NIV)

2011-09-08T13:13:00.000-07:00

“This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but people loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed. But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what they have done has been done in the sight of God.”

---

Teaching Nicodemus, a Pharisee, Jesus talks about being born again – “of water and the Spirit” (v5b) – and then (gently) rebukes Nicodemus for not understanding. Jesus explains that worldly man (born of flesh) cannot see the kingdom of God; this sight is available only to those who have come from His presence. Wonderful & daunting that Jesus didn’t speak plainly – e.g., “This is how you are born again...” – but only said, “Everyone who believes may have eternal life in Him” (v15); I’m certain Nicodemus still was confused. But then the Lord gave this explanation, this light-dark analogy of sin. Here, Jesus doesn’t say that “whoever lives by the truth” is perfect or without sin; He just says that their actions are visible, open to God – i.e., they’re not hiding (or trying to hide) anything. This may be a fine distinction, Jesus is talking about what goes on in our hearts: “fear” – that our sin will be known – or comfort in the presence of a forgiving God.

---

I am comforted that I know Jesus & will one day be with Him; I believe the same are true for the Trophy Wife & Cueball. I also believe that nothing can change this; He obtains forgiveness for all our sin & secures our place in Heaven with Him. Still, I want to live with Him now; I want to sit in & enjoy the presence of God today. That means I need to come into the light in all I do, so I live in the sight of God. That’s what my recovery is all about, I think; I need to learn to stop living in secret, stop doing things about which I’m ashamed – and I can’t do that by myself; I’m not strong enough. Similarly, that’s my prayer for the Cueball. He’s beginning to go down some of those same paths that I did – not as dramatically, but just as certainly. I want to teach him, I pray God will lead him, that the other way – the way of the light – is the better way, the way he wants to live.

---

Praise You, Lord God, for Your wisdom & Grace; thank You for Your love & patience. Your entire Word is dedicated to giving us rich, actionable guidelines for living the best, happiest, most joy-filled lives possible, despite our worldly, fleshly impulses. We don’t deserve to be with You because You are perfect & we are not, but You love us with a bottomless Heart. Thanks & praise to You! Bless You, Lord, from my entire being. I need Your help in my recovery, God, but – more importantly – I hold up the Cueball for Your loving guidance & protection & Grace. I know he is, at heart, a great young man, and I believe he loves You dearly. Please help him grow & strengthen his relationship with You; please help me show him, help me model the relationship with You that he should have. I pray this – not for myself, Lord God, but for my son – in the name of Your Son, my Lord & Savior, Jesus Christ. Amen.

TRUE SPLENDOR (SOAP 0175) Matthew 4:8-11 (NIV)

2011-09-07T12:12:00.000-07:00

...The devil took Him to a very high mountain and showed Him all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor. “All this I will give you,” he said, “if you will bow down and worship me.”

Jesus said to him, “Away from me, Satan! For it is written: ‘Worship the Lord your God, and serve Him only.’”

Then the devil left Him, and angels came and attended Him.

---

“All the kingdoms of the world and their splendor.” Think about the vastness of that promise; imagine the magnificence, opulence, majesty & beauty of “all the kingdoms of the world.” Not just those of Jesus’ time, but all kingdoms across all times. The devil didn’t tempt Him with the wonders of Rome or Solomon’s riches & bounty. Satan laid before Jesus everything the earth can produce, everything man could want. Not just gold & jewelry & fine clothes & architecture & animals, but people & power & obsequity. What did Jesus see when Satan showed Him these things? Did He see sparkly sparkle, gold & gilt & finery? Did He see joy enjoyed by the powerful, the leaders upon whom the world waits? The love & adoration, the worship? Did He see what accompanies that, what is beneath it all – the poverty & bondage, the depravity? Did He see resentment, deceit, bickering & backstabbing? Did the devil try to hide the ugliness of his promise? Did he just think Jesus wouldn’t see it, wouldn’t know?

---

I’m embarrassed by how easily I’m drawn into the “splendor” of the world, missing the ugliness & disgrace of what’s beneath. Sometimes it’s like I’m the guy in that silver car, chatting up the pretty hooker with the shapely legs, masking the stink of sin with the air freshener & St. Chris medallion hanging from the rear view mirror. But I can’t – I don’t want to – ignore the sadness, ugliness. What is her life like? How broken & lost is she? What drives us to create only more emptiness, more pain, more sorrow... God didn’t design it this way; He doesn’t want it this way. I imagine the beauty & love & strength He embodied in Jesus, a common carpenter, a powerless peasant. God didn’t make Himself poor to empathize with the small man’s plight. He came humbly so we could see how truly small the “powerful” are. If Jesus had an ounce of irony, He could have laughed at those who persecuted Him, who tried to belittle Him. But He just loved them & was saddened by all they missed.

---

Thank You, Jesus, for Your brilliance & pain. Thank You, Jehovah-Tsidkenu for Your righteousness & for helping me be righteous in Christ. Thank You, Jehovah-M’Kaddish for setting me aside, for making me holy so I can be with You. Thank You, El-Elyon for being my God Almighty & letting me know You. I’m lustful, angry & selfish, and I ask You to protect me from the enemy’s temptations; fill me with Your perfect hatred of sin, however it’s offered. Give me Jesus’ consciousness – even if only a smidgeon, a taste, a sense of what He saw in the kingdoms’ “splendor” – so I am not drawn into “Oooos” & “Ahhhs” of the world and, instead, am always aware & awestruck by the things of the Lord. In His name, I pray. Amen.

NOT AN OPTION (SOAP 0174) John 1:1 & Luke 1:37 (NIV)

2011-09-01T09:42:00.000-07:00

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.

[The angel Gabriel said,] “For no word from God will ever fail.”

---

This time through the New Testament, I’m reading the Gospels chronologically, skipping through the four books to get the story of Jesus’ life in the order it happened. Of course, most of the early chapters have to do with His birth; John goes beyond that & tells of His pre-existence at the beginning of time. He, of course, is “the Word,” and is, of course, God. ...But reading it this way – chronologically – revealed something that I may never have caught otherwise: Gabriel’s assurance (to Mary) in Luke’s Gospel that “no word from God will ever fail.” And, of course, Jesus didn’t; He couldn’t. Because He is perfect, failure is simply not an option. Hallelujah.

---

The hope & promise contained in these two combined verses are tangible. Reading as I was, John came before Luke, and when I got to the second line, I was brought up short. I choked, inhaled, wiped tears from my eyes & read it again. ...Of course, “no word from God will ever fail.” ...I’m at that stage in recovery where I’m looking at learning how to surrender my will to Christ, where I truly turn my life over to Him... I know that I need my pain to exceed my fear, but I also know that my fear of failure must eclipse my fear of trusting anyone else – including Jesus. It’s that control mechanism, that lifegrip that keeps me from trusting Him. There’s unwillingness, habit, shame, too, but... I love this combination of lines because it brings me to that proper place: Do I trust that Jesus is all-powerful, that He is the Word and He is God? (Yes.) Do I trust that Jesus wants the best for me? (Yes.) Then, I can have complete hope – even expectation – that He will heal me. He will not let me fail. He will not let me fall. Thank you, Jesus.

---

Papi, my Jehovah-Rohi... I know that, in You, there can be no fear: no fear of death – either in flesh or spirit – and no fear of hell. I know that, in You, there can be no despair: no failure, no lack of redemption, no absence of love. I know that, in You, there are always hope & success: deliverance & salvation. Praise You, Lord God, El-Elyon, the Most High God. Once again (hopefully for the last time) I thank You for Your forgiveness of my sins: my anger, my lust, my uncontrollable, unquenchable destructive passions. Please, Jesus, help me rise to the battle with You so these evils can be banished from my mind & heart forever. Please help me live my life with You & model my life with You & share my life with You and share You with my son. Help me, Holy Spirit, develop God’s perfect hatred of sin, of all sin but (most importantly) my sin, my recurring sin. Help me hate the porn to which I turn, the lust that I don’t try hard enough to control, the anger that lives so deep inside of me & that bubbles & boils to the top, seemingly whenever it wants. Please help me, Lord, rely on Your Son, my Lord & Savior, help me trust Him & give Him the chance to show me how He will never fail in healing me & my family. It is in His name, Jesus Christ, that I pray. Amen.

ELIJAH’S LOVING EXAMPLE (SOAP 0173) Malachi 4:5-6 (NIV)

2011-08-26T12:09:00.000-07:00

“See, I will send the prophet Elijah to you before that great and dreadful day of the Lord comes. He will turn the hearts of the parents to their children, and the hearts of the children to their parents; or else I will come and strike the land with total destruction.”

---

Through Malachi, the Lord calls the Israelites – in particular, their priests – to task for their utter lack of conviction. I don’t know that this is so much about idolatry or sexual immorality or any of the general breaking of the laws that we see in so many of the prophets’ books... Of course, God is righteously angry with His people in those other places; He fairly & clearly itemizes the causes of His frustration & disappointment. My sense of Malachi, though, is much different. To me, the Lord sounds weary... The Israelites’ sins are clear, but it’s a catalog more than a list. There’s nothing specific; it’s just all tiresome. In short, He seems to be questioning their sincerity, and He tells them how to get it right...
Just before these verses, the Lord instructs His people to “remember” Moses’ laws. I don’t think anyone believes we’ve really forgotten them; I think God knows we’re approaching them laxly... He knows what’s in our hearts, and that’s why He tells us to turn our hearts to one another – parent to child & vice-versa – so we can heal them & one another... And, at the time of Malachi, there was no greater example of that complete love than Elijah. Only after Jesus came did we get another one...

---

The Lord’s “or else...” promise is meaningful, but it carries less weight for me here than the other parts of the passage. Three days in a row – if not more – that I’ve prayed just before opening my Bible, and the passage that jumped out at me was in direct answer to that prayer... Today, the Trophy Wife & I talked about the Cueball and our desire / need for him to step up and be more trustworthy, more a believer & follower of Jesus... But, at the same time, we talked about how we can both help with that, how we can & should (in short) turn our hearts to him and invite him, model for him, how he can & should turn his heart to us. I’m not suggesting that our relationships are damaged or broken beyond most teen-aged stuff, but both the Trophy Wife & I want more for the Cueball; he deserves and is capable of a deep, lasting, loving relationship with us as well as with God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. So, I prayed that prayer, asking for His help, and He gives me this verse – not as a warning; I don’t feel it that way; but as an encouragement.

---

Thank You, Abba, Jehovah-Rophe... Thank You for Your healing power & love; thank You for helping guide me to that place where I can know You and let You lead me to a better relationship with my son & my wife. I pray, Lord, for Your strength – to be humble before You but also before You in front of my family. I pray, Lord, that You lead me & teach me how to lead by example and how to love You so completely, like Elijah did. I know You want only good for all Your children, my wife & son included, and I ask that You help me get out of the way & let You work Your miracles in their hearts, my heart & our whole family relationship. I pray this, knowing You can & will reply, in Jesus’ Holy & Glorious name. Amen.

PRAYER Press "Play"

2011-08-25T15:25:00.000-07:00

[it's the green button]

Oh...

Give me strength to be broken
Give me strength to be broken for You, O God
Give me strength to stop hiding, oh yeah...
Give me strength to stop hiding from You, O God

I pray that I will be broken
A spirit that's usable to You
I lay my pride at the altar
I sacrifice my life to You

Give me strength to be a humble man
Give me strength to be humble before You, O God, O God...
Give me strength to keep fighting, oh to keep fighting...
Give me strength to keep fighting for You... for You, O God

I pray that I will be broken
A spirit that's usable to You
I lay my pride at the altar
I sacrifice my life to You

I pray that I will be broken
A spirit that's usable to You
I lay my pride at the altar
I sacrifice my life to You

I sacrifice my life to You
To You

I sacrifice my life to You

-- Lincoln Brewster, 1999

Please hear this, my new prayer, Lord...

I love You.

“GRACE AND SUPPLICATION” (SOAP 0172) Zechariah 12:10 (NIV)

2011-08-25T14:14:00.000-07:00

“And I will pour out on the house of David and the inhabitants of Jerusalem a spirit of grace and supplication. They will look on Me, the One they have pierced, and they will mourn for Him as one mourns for an only child, and grieve bitterly for Him as one grieves for a firstborn son.”

---

I can see how Israelites of the first century could study these final chapters of Zechariah and believe the Roman siege (AD 70) was the second exile predicted here... ...and, apparently, many did. The first problem with that interpretation is that the Lord promises salvation from the oppressors, He promises to destroy them & elevate Judah / Jerusalem. Clearly, that didn’t happen when Rome destroyed the second temple, but the real problem, as I see it, is with this verse. The Lord says He will fill the Israelites with the Holy Spirit – He will fill them with “grace and supplication.” When did the first century Israelites receive those blessings? It seems to me that they would know, wouldn’t they? How could they be confused? How could they not understand that they hand’t experienced God’s grace? How could they miss the fact that they weren’t mourning for “the One they [had] pierced?” How could they not understand that He was Christ and that He had not (yet) returned?

---

As always, I have difficulty with end-times prophesy... There is so much that is so dark about it; there is so much fear & pain & destruction. On the one hand, I want to say, “Great! Go, Jesus! Go!” I want to see Him kick the enemy’s butt all over eternity. ...but on the other hand, I recoil from the thoughts of destruction, of pain, of terror. To be honest, I don’t think there’s anything too personal in that; I’m not necessarily afraid that His wrath will be directed at me, that I won’t be welcomed. I just don’t think about it... ...But this passage spoke to me today because – again consistent with my prayers – I seek to be filled with this “spirit of grace and supplication.” I just prayed – in supplication, I suppose – for His love, for His patience, for His transformation. I prayed not to receive them, but to thank Him for what He’s already given & for what He’s promised. Then, once again, I read my Bible and find words that speak directly to my heart... These emotions – the ones described in this verse – are some of those that I beg to have for my God, my Lord, my Savior. That is my entreaty, my supplication, and His Grace is my reward.

---

Once again, Papi, my Abba, I pray in Your sanctifying name, Jehovah-M’Kaddesh... Thank You for filling me with Your Grace & letting me know Your love. Thank You for Your forgiveness & for Your righteousness, which I count on. I am sorry for the drudgery, the doubt, the despair that I confess; I am sorry for the smallness of what I call my faith... I know, Lord, that all good things come from You and that Your goodness is truly great. I have this image, Lord, of this tiny seed, this minuscule faith that You grab hold of and that grows & grows & grows as You pull it through the inside of my being, my heart. I hold onto this image, Lord Jesus, just like I hold onto You, in deep body-shattering hugs, the sobs of my Love for You... Thank You, Lord, for the emotion I have, for the Love I enjoy for You. You answer all my prayers! In Your name, always, Jesus, I pray. Amen.

SALVATION! (SOAP 0171) Zechariah 9:11 & 9:15 (excerpts from NIV)

2011-08-24T16:49:00.000-07:00

“As for you, because of the blood of My covenant with you, / I will free your prisoners from the waterless pit.” / ... / and the Lord Almighty will shield them. / They will destroy / and overcome with slingstones. / They will drink and roar as with wine; / they will be full like a bowl / used for sprinkling the corners of the altar.

---

Supposedly, there is quite a bit of disagreement about who the author of the latter part(s) of Zechariah might have been; this disagreement apparently fuels more arguments over what these chapters mean. How silly! Clearly, chapter 9 prophesies Jesus’ entry into Jerusalem; I cannot believe there is any doubt about that! ...And what happens afterward – not His trial & crucifixion but the affect of His victory over the enemy – is equally clear! Here, Zechariah tells us about Jesus’ “blood covenant” and how it will save us from hell. He goes one to explain how we believers will overcome the curse of our worldly lives, destroy those enemies that drag us into despair, and live gratefully, sated on the blood offering of our Savior... With Jesus’ sacrifice & covenant, we need so little to defeat the enemy – because the Lord Almighty is our shield and our armor.

---

More prayers today for the Lord to help me know Him, love Him & follow Him more completely & honestly. Over the past days, I have almost deliberately turned from Him, looking instead into the momentary – seeking the passing gratifications of succumbing to temptation, the nastiness of porn, the selfish evil of self-abuse. This leads to anger & short-temperedness because I am dissatisfied with myself. And all the other sins – the anger, the sloth, the unforgiveness & bitterness – come back like recurring bad dreams... On the one hand, I excuse myself of trying to be “healed” of my surgery – “If only,” I offer as an excuse, “I could actually experience a return to normal performance...” But I know that won’t stop me; I know that these are hollow words... Instead, I prayed today, for forgiveness & admitted (as I do now) that I’ve not even really tried to control myself; that I’ve been lazy... “Does that mean,” I asked God, “that I don’t love you enough? Or properly?” If I cared for Him, wouldn’t I at least try??? ...And then He gives me these verses. Under the covenant of Jesus’ blood, He will free me; He will help me overcome; He will shield me; He will battle on my behalf & defeat the enemy! All I need to do is trust Him – because that is what He promised!

---

Heavenly Father, my Jehovah-M’Kaddesh... I am reminded of how impossible it is for us to be truly holy, even though You implore us to strive for holiness... Because that is so impossible, we should cling the more tightly to You, and, Papi, I need to do that. Thank You for loving me & for saving a place for me with You... Just like I prayed this afternoon, I am truly sorry for my continued weakness & indolence in reaching You... Please help me work harder with more diligence so I can know You better, serve You more completely & grow closer to You, but, in the mean time, thank You for Your continued Grace & blessings. This short prayer I offer in the name of my Savior, Jesus Christ. Amen.

NO FEAR (SOAP 0170) Zechariah 8:9-13 (excerpts from NIV)

2011-08-22T12:27:00.000-07:00

This is what the Lord Almighty says: “Now hear these words, ‘Let your hands be strong so that the temple may be built.’ This is also what the prophets said who were present when the foundation was laid for the house of the Lord Almighty. ... But now I will not deal with the remnant of this people as I did in the past,” declares the Lord Almighty. “The seed will grow well, the vine will yield its fruit, the ground will produce its crops, and the heavens will drop their dew. I will give all these things as an inheritance to the remnant of this people. Just as you, Judah and Israel, have been a curse among the nations, so I will save you, and you will be a blessing. Do not be afraid, but let your hands be strong.”

---

This middle of Zechariah acts like a bridge between earlier visions (sometimes described as a brief history of the Israelites) and later oracles (end-times prophesies). Here, the Lord reminds the people how special they are to Him and how He will bless them. The challenge in sections like these is in translating & applying the sense of the Hebraic vision to current times. Of course, God knows He’s talking about all men at all times, but the words are so specific for the time & people to which they were originally given, I’m apprehensive I can’t succinctly describe how they apply today & to us... So: Our “hands” are our efforts, bodies, thoughts & hearts; the “temple” is us, our hearts & souls; the “seed,” “vine,” & “ground” are God’s lands & people; the “crops” & “dew” are His blessings. With all that in mind...

---

This morning, I prayed that God help me be strong in Him, learn to love Him properly – not with so much of the blinding & selfish emotion that drove the “love” I’ve professed in the past but with the deliberate, lasting love that He deserves. I prayed that He help me
learn to honor Him at all times so I can enjoy & share the fruit of that love – not for my own benefit but so others can see it & learn from it as well. I prayed that I could learn to be whole in Him & not worry so much about being misunderstood or liked by other people – but to be secure in His love for me & mine for Him. I prayed that He would help me properly prioritize my time so I dedicate appropriate effort & love to Him – not to the silly things of this world that so easily distract my attention. ...And after that prayer, He gave me this passage, the most important phrases of which are “do not be afraid” (a message I know I must hear & learn) and “let your hands be strong” (which is important enough that He told it to me twice...)

---

My dear Papi, my Father in heaven – You are so great & so patient & so kind... I praise & hallow Your names – all of them together & at once – because combined they mean “Love.” I am (again & still) sorry that it takes me so long to get this message, that it is so difficult for me to accept Your unconditional love, that I have such a hard time working through my doubts & fears. Thank You for the reminder to “be strong;” thank You for the strength that knowing You gives me. My prayer now is as it was earlier: Please help me continue growing; please help me with the on-going battle with The Committee that wants to distort my thoughts & drag me back into the darkness that was my heart before I knew Your Name. Thank You for this battle; thank You for Your help. Thank You, Lord. In Jesus‘ name, I pray. Amen.

SANCTITY & LOVE (SOAP 0169) Zechariah 3:1-4 (The Message)

2011-08-21T13:08:00.000-07:00

Next the Messenger-Angel showed me the high priest Joshua. He was standing before God’s Angel where the Accuser showed up to accuse him. Then God said to the Accuser, “I, God, rebuke you, Accuser! I rebuke you and choose Jerusalem. Surprise! Everything is going up in flames, but I reach in and pull out Jerusalem!” Joshua, standing before the angel, was dressed in dirty clothes. The angel spoke to his attendants, “Get him out of those filthy clothes,” and then said to Joshua, “Look, I’ve stripped you of your sin and dressed you up in clean clothes.”

---

Like Haggai, Zechariah instructs & encourages the Israelites to rebuild the temple, but he goes farther than that. He also prophesies the spiritual return of God’s chosen people. It’s interesting here that Zechariah doesn’t tell us what Satan (“the Accuser” in Eugene Peterson’s version) is accusing the high priest of... It’s also interesting that this high priest – who is cleansed of sin & held righteous before God – is named Joshua – which, in Zechariah is Yeshua (as opposed to the more common Biblical form Yehoshua), which is what Jesus would have been called by His contemporaries... These are brilliant, lively, sanctifying images... It’s not a coincidence that the accused shares his name with the Lord’s Son; He clearly represents all of God’s children... I love God rebuking Satan for all to see, and I love that it doesn’t matter what Satan is accusing Joshua of...

---

After all this time, after all their disobedience, the Lord still loves & saves & covers His children. He redeems them from whatever their sin is, and makes them new. It’s always been that way: Zechariah, clearly prophesying Christ, wrote some 600 years before His ministry. These are the images & messages I love so much; they’re the ones I need to keep in mind: God’s Love, Jesus’ sinlessness, our salvation through Christ. Because, no matter how hard I try, I still fall back into condemnation; I still see myself as standing before the Lord in “those filthy clothes...”

---

Dear Father God – I am so deeply grateful, Lord, for all You do, for the deep affection & Grace You provide. I so badly want to honor You, to love You, to serve You, but I know that it is only through the forgiveness obtained by Jesus that I can even talk with You.... Thank You & praise You, Jehovah M’kaddesh, You Who Sanctifies... I am sorry, Lord... Today, I am in a funk; tired & grouchy & just a bit anxious... I am sorry for the impatience & lack of focus that I feel... I’d hoped to spend more time with You, but I find the minutes slipping past with no change... Thank You for Your forgiveness & love; I know that only through You & in You can I make it through the day... Please fill me with Your Holy Spirit so that I can enjoy Your day, so I can be free of the demons that want to drag me down into the emotional darkness... Please, Lord, rebuke this Accuser next to me who wants me to believe that You cannot truly forgive me & love me & sanctify me the way You promise. Thank You, Lord, for helping me remember & live Your promise for a good life, happy in love & in You. Thank You, in the name of Your Son & my Savior, Jesus Christ. Amen.

REALIGNING PRIORITIES (SOAP 0168) Haggai 1:5-6 (NIV)

2011-08-18T08:48:00.001-07:00

Now this is what the Lord Almighty says: “Give careful thought to your ways. You have planted much, but harvested little. You eat, but never have enough. You drink, but never have your fill. You put on clothes, but are not warm. You earn wages, only to put them in a purse with holes in it.”

---

Finally, the Babylonian exile is over; the Israelites are returning to the Promised Land after several generations of captivity. Haggai conveys God’s desire that attention be given to rebuilding the temple in Jerusalem, reminding the people of how their ancestors refused to acknowledge the Lord – which, of course, didn’t end well for them. (Zechariah 1 contains similar themes but explains more, pointing out that God thought Babylonians had gone “too far” and promising prosperity.) The returning people are preoccupied with rebuilding their homes & farms & cities, but they (apparently) are not paying sufficient attention to the temple, saying (at Haggai 1:2), “The time has not yet come to rebuild the Lord’s house.” Gently, the Lord admonishes them; He tells them that their more selfish efforts always will be insufficient if they don’t also pay attention to taking care of His house.

---

The Lord’s lesson is clear: It’s about balance. He will take care of us, but He also expects us to take care of Him. I don’t mean that God needs us to provide for Him or do things for Him; He wants us to put our relationship with Him in its proper place. He wants us to (re-)build that relationship & cultivate it and get it to grow. Of course, He’ll work with us, but we need to make first & best efforts. We will be rewarded when we do, but I don’t think God promises quid pro quo so much He says: “When you’ve learned and have your priorities right, we can move on to greater benefits.” It’s kind of like me teaching the Cueball: “When you’ve finished your homework, we can do something fun.” ...This passage struck me today as a real & current prophetic word. The Lord has blessed me & my family in some truly wonderful ways, and I am now making decisions about the next stages of my career & life. I hear God saying, “Give careful thought.” I need to make sure that my efforts are consistent with His desires, that whatever I do is done with those desires in mind, that I dedicate the first parts of my efforts – like tithing – to Him.

---

Jehovah Jireh, my loving, enriching Father – Thank You, Lord, for all You’ve done for me & my family; thank You for keeping Your promises & for teaching me how to recognize & hear You. I am sorry, God, for all of my continued disobedience; I am sorry for the times I choose to mess around instead of just doing my work. I am confident that this is a good & righteous word for me today, and I thank You for it. I want to take this word, Lord, and put it to good use in my continued efforts to set things right. Please help me (re-)structure those efforts so that I can appropriately focus on the things You want me to do, so that I can fulfill Your will for me & for my entire family. Please continue to speak to me so that I know Your will, and (of course), give me the courage & strength to carry it out. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

HARVESTING FRUIT (SOAP 0167) Zephaniah 2:3 & 3:12-13 (NIV)

2011-08-17T12:09:00.000-07:00

Seek the Lord, all you humble of the land, / you who do what He commands. / Seek righteousness, seek humility; / perhaps you will be sheltered / on the day of the Lord’s anger... / [...and the Lord says,] “But I will leave within you / the meek and humble. / The remnant if Israel / will trust in the name of the Lord. / They will do no wrong; / they will tell no lies. / A deceitful tongue / will not be found in their mouths. / They will eat and lie down / and no one will make them afraid.”

---

Apparently written some 24-40 years before the Babylonian exile, Zephaniah is another prophetic warning about the need to turn Israel back toward God. Interesting that Zephaniah first talks about the Lord’s wrath and how He will punish the people; it is only in these descriptions that the offending sins are revealed. The text’s focus is on God’s anger, as if Zephaniah assumes the readers know what they’ve done wrong, how they’ve offended the Lord; the most direct rebuke comes to Jerusalem at the beginning of the third chapter. Although many cite 3:17 (“The Lord your God is with you, / the Mighty Warrior who save. / He will take great delight in you; / in His love He will no longer rebuke you, / but will rejoice over you with singing.”) as the redemptive, hopeful passage, the verses above are important because they tell us how the sinners can best (re-)connect with God.

---

In some ways, this is consistent with my last post, “My Job,” in that it’s about both righteousness and turning to the Lord for His support. The point is that I can’t be righteous without His help – I can’t do anything positive without His help – and these Zephaniah verses are all about humility & meekness. Interesting that “meekness” is one of the fruits of the Holy Spirit (Gal 5:22-23) and that the Lord promises to spare those who are blessed with this quality. Zephaniah tells us to “seek humility” while we “seek the Lord” – almost as if they’re the same thing... ...One of the things from which I’m trying to recover is “pride.” I know that’s frequently the place from which my anger & bitterness are born (another is “fear,” but I’m afraid that will come later...), so my pursuit of humility (and “meekness”) is tied tightly to my pursuit of the Lord...

---

I love You, Lord God, my Father, my Abba, for Your Love and Your Grace. I know I deserve neither because of my (continuing) sin, and I know that it is only by trusting You that I can be healed & recover. At every meeting, I claim to be battling pride & anger & lust, and I know that I am not doing enough to overcome any of them. Learning Steps 1 & 2 was more difficult than I thought; I am only know beginning to realize the depths of my denial and how unwilling I am to admit my powerlessness. I know I must do these things before I can truly appreciate the gift of Your Love. Please help me with these things, Lord, so I can truly harvest the Fruit of the Spirit, so I can truly learn to be humble & meek, so I can truly learn & understand & follow Your will. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.

MY JOB (SOAP 0166) Habakkuk 2:4 (NIV)

2011-08-11T08:37:00.000-07:00

[The Lord said,] “See, the enemy is puffed up; / his desires are not upright – / but the righteous person will live by his faithfulness...”

---

If I understand it correctly, Habakkuk was a contemporary of Isaiah, and their books were written at about the same time. Habakkuk was concerned primarily with the evil, wicked, sinful things of the world; he complained to God about how the evil & unrighteous (people and kingdoms) seemed to get away with their behavior. He asked why the Lord not only didn’t punish the wicked but seemed to endorse wickedness by allowing them to accumulate wealth & power. Habakkuk was what we would today call an enlightened man, I think; he was concerned with the downtrodden, and he was concerned with how their plight was caused and exacerbated by the rich & powerful. A faithful man, he also looked to God to make things right, and the Lord said (in effect), “Just keep sittin’ there, man. Watch what I do.” Through Habakkuk, God revealed the rise of Babylon and the destruction of the current empires & kingdoms.

---

There’s something about this line, “...but the righteous person will live by his faithfulness...,” that really speaks to me right now. It’s not that I thinking that I’m righteous – or even approaching “righteousness” – but this is a principle that I need to / should keep in mind. Particularly after Step Group discussions last night about where we all are in context of “denial” and “powerlessness,” it occurs to me that many of my on-going challenges stem from my unwillingness or inability to live by my faithfulness. When I’m tempted by the enemy’s inappropriate desires, I don’t turn to God and ask for His support; when I’m vexed and become puffed up with my own self-righteousness, I don’t always turn to God and rely on Him. This line is ammunition for me; it’s something I can & should use in battling the enemy and those demons that keep me separated from God.

---

My dear Heavenly Father – You are, indeed, righteous in Your faithfulness; You are my Jehovah Tsidkenu, standing by me with your constancy & support. Just yesterday, even this morning, I was lamenting the fact that I am having difficulty connecting with you, getting out of the way of my own denial & acknowledging my powerlessness to change things. Just this morning, I was praying, asking, begging that You accept this tiny, mustard seed-sized kernel of faith that I have that You will actually change my heart. And then You give me this line – and You give me an understanding of what it means to me today. Thank You, Lord. I am so grateful for You; I’m so grateful for the men in my Step Group who all are so willing to share and – by their sharing – help one another. I continue to be sorry, Lord, for my on-going sinfulness – the lust & acting out; the anger & bitterness – and I beg that You give me the tools to overcome the temptation. I beg that you continue to take this bit of faith and change my heart, mold me into the man You want me to be so that I can live for You and do only Your will. Thank You for Your faith in me. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.

NOT MY JOB (SOAP 0165) Nahum 1:3b (NIV)

2011-08-08T14:18:00.000-07:00

...the Lord will not leave the guilty unpunished...

---

Like Jonah, Nahum deals with Judah’s subjugation by the Ninevites. In this very short book, Nahum offers hope to the Hebrews, prophesying God’s destruction of Nineveh in response to the Assyrians’ (re-)descent into depravity. Calling the Assyrians & their capital “Whores! Whores without end!,” Nahum dubs Nineveh “Whore City, / Fatally seductive, ... the Witch of Seduction, / luring nations to their ruin with [its] evil spells” (3:4, The Message) and offers hope – if not of restoration, then at least of relief – to the people of Judah. At the same time (many commentators point out), Nahum’s condemnation of Nineveh is a reminder & warning to the Israelites. In much the same way that God will punish the Assyrians, He will also punish His own people for their sins. Nahum reminds Judah that “the Lord is good, / a refuge in times of trouble” and that “He cares for those who trust in Him” (1:7a, NIV), but these verses merely reinforce the prophet’s main message that God expects people to listen to Him and follow His instructions and that those who don’t will feel His wrath.

---

It’s taken a long time to get to this post... So long (four months), I’m not even sure where I’ve been or how I got knocked off track. The recurring theme of my last several posts was that I was starting to walk with God, that I was maturing & growing closer to Him, that I was learning to seek & find His face. Then, all of a sudden, it’s gone... Now, I find it difficult to get up early & spend time with Him; I stop reading & learning; I can’t concentrate when I pray. It may have been partly the darkness of Nahum’s prophecy; passages like the one above disturb me (probably because I feel so guilty & deserving of punishment). But partly (I’m afraid) it is just a lack of commitment... ...But I’m in recovery now. I’ve been attending for about six months and have finally got a step group. Working on the first & second principles and trying hard to live them, trying very hard to achieve the serenity of accepting things I cannot change. So, when I re-read Nahum (after four months), this one line spoke to me: “The Lord will not leave the guilty unpunished...” It’s not my job to worry about everyone else; it’s not my job to determine who deserves punishment. That applies even to me. If I’m to turn my life over to God and live the way Jesus taught, the first thing I need to accept is how much He is in control and how much I am not.

---

Dear Lord God: I am sorry & frustrated that I’ve been away from my daily devotionals for so long, and I am equally grateful that You are still here. Jehovah Shammah, I love You for Your presence; Jehovah Tsidkenu, I love You for Your constancy. Thank You. I am truly sorry – even more than I know & can express – that so much time has gone by & wasted. I’m also truly sorry that I’ve fallen back into the self-abusive sexual behavior that I know You hate. I cannot fix these things on my own, Lord; I cannot do anything good without You. Please help me get healed. Please come beside me & teach me to walk with You, to hold onto You, and to follow You. Not just in words but in all my deeds. This is my renewed prayer of hope for You today, and I ask it in Jesus‘ name. Amen.

SEEK HIS FACE, ii (SOAP 0164) Micah 6:6-8 (NIV)

2011-04-14T11:42:00.000-07:00

With what shall I come before the Lord / and bow down before the exalted God? / Shall I come before Him with burnt offerings, / with calves a year old? / Will the Lord be pleased with thousands of rams, / with ten thousand rivers of olive oil? / Shall I offer my firstborn for my transgression, / the fruit of my body for the sin of my soul? / He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. / And what does the Lord require of you? / To act justly and to love mercy / and to walk humbly with your God.

---

Eugene Peterson describes Micah’s message as “alternat[ing] between prophecies of doom and prophecies of hope” and his theme as “divine judgement and deliverance.” Certainly those dichotomies were illustrated in my last post, “Schizophrenia,” but here they’re far more subtle. Just prior to this passage, the Lord reminds Israel what He’s done for them – the implication being that they’ve not done their part. Micah crowns the Lord’s point – I can almost hear the sarcasm drip off the page: “And for all that,” Micah seems to be asking, “is He asking you for all this stuff??? Is He asking you to pull an Abraham???” I can almost see Micah, with the selfish & petulant Israelites cowering before him, as he nearly spits: “No! All He asks you to do is be fair and be with Him!” Unfortunately, they didn’t listen to Micah...

---

I read Micah’s scolding, and my feelings are so, so mixed... He’s right, of course: God doesn’t ask much. What part is so difficult for me? Is it the acting justly part? Well... Of course I believe in justice, and I’m fair & reasonable. No? ...Except today, when I don’t want to talk with that woman & tell her that I just can’t do what she wants. It’s uncomfortable & I want to avoid it, but avoiding it isn’t fair (i.e., “just”) to her. Of course I believe in mercy, and I don’t want to be too harsh on people. No? ...Except today, when I realized how much hatred I’ve been harboring toward the butler, the guy who ended up marrying the Sicilian after I mistreated her. ...But here’s the word that really grabbed me from Micah’s harangue: It wasn’t “sin” or “mercy” or even “humbly” (which is a huge challenge for me). It was “with.” As in “walk ... with your God.” He loves us. He wants us with him. (“...be holy, for I am holy,” He said in Leviticus 11:45.) That is finding His face, I think...

---

My Father, my God – I hope when I say, “I love You,” that it’s actually praise... Thank You, God, for the things You show me, the ways You teach me. I’m sorry I’m still so afraid because I know that if I only walk with You, there is nothing to fear. I know I’ve let down You, the Trophy Wife & the Cueball... Today is one of those days when I find it difficult to climb out of my rut, one of those days when I feel the fear gnawing at me. But I also feel You with me; I know Your Spirit is in me; I know that You love & support me. Thank You, Lord – all of this in the last ten minutes... Please, God, help me keep the fear back; help me overcome it; help me be with You, please be my strength... Give me humility; strip me of my ego; help me kill my “me” so I can purely love You because I want to walk with You. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.

SCHIZOPHRENIA (SOAP 0163) Micah 2:12-13 & 3:4 (NIV)

2011-04-10T09:21:00.000-07:00

“I will surely gather all of you, O Jacob; / I will surely bring together the remnant of Israel. / I will bring them together like sheep in a pen, / like a flock in its pasture; / the place will throng with people. / The One who breaks open the way will go up before them; / they will break through the Gate and go out. / Their King will pass through before them, / the Lord at their head.” ... [Others] will cry out to the Lord, / but He will not answer them. / At that time He will hide His face from them / because of the evil they have done.

---

So many people – aggressive unbelievers – could point to these passages and argue how they contradict one another, how they demonstrate an angry, petulant God. But they are not; they are perfectly consistent, especially in context. The first verses from Micah chapter 2 are the Lord’s voice. He promises the coming Messiah; He describes Jesus: This is Jehovah Rohi. The second verse from Micah chapter 3 is Micah’s voice; he talks about the Israelites of his own day who have turned from the Lord & rejected His ways. These are not mutually exclusive views; these are not separate, dual personalities of God. Our God is consistent; He is as He has always been, as He always will be. He is Jehovah Tsidkenu, the One who defines righteousness by His very existence, his constancy. There’s nothing schizophrenic here; there is only a plea – from God Himself – that we gather around Him, our Shepherd, and follow Him, our Protector, and love Him, our Lord.

---

At first, I gathered these passages because the prophesy in first (2:12-13) spoke to me – I love those views of Jesus from before He came – but the second (3:4) struck me like a hammer because it reveals (in a Completion Backward Principle kind of way) how to seek God’s face. ...As I began writing, I realized how deeply they’re related in my heart. It’s taking me a long, long time to mature, but I’m beginning to understand & appreciate how much I love Jesus, which is exactly where I belong within those lines about our Shepherd. Still, I live in fear & doubt of the eventuality of those lines about our Father’s anger over the evil we do – mostly because I still sin too much, too readily. I’ve often wondered what it means to “seek His face.” How do I do that, exactly? In Micah 3:4, there’s the answer: Stop (or, at least, truly attempt to stop) doing the evil that He’s told us to stop doing. So much of my sin is similar the 8th century BC Israelites’ – lust & idolatry & pride – and I need to let my love take over so that I can truly seek God’s face...

---

Dear Jehovah Rohi – Your guidance & protection & patience are truly wonderful; You, when all else comes down, are truly all we need. I thank You & lift Your Name in praise. I know it’s hard to see my love for You; I squint at it myself, and I’m never as sorry for that as I should be. Still, I feel myself growing in You, in Jesus, especially since praying deliverance. Please help me continue, Lord; please help me climb outside myself & be Your heart & hands so that I can live to glorify You in all I do. I pray single-mindedly for this, for You, in Jesus’ name. Amen.

I WANT TO BE THERE FOR YOU (SOAP 0162) Jonah 2:7 (NIV)

2011-04-09T21:32:00.000-07:00

“When my life was ebbing away, / I remembered You, Lord, / and my prayer rose to You, / to Your holy temple.”

---

How much like Jonah are all of us? We may suffer by different degrees from his rebellious spirit, his unwillingness to do God’s will, but don’t we all sometimes resist His call? Inasmuch as we share Jonah’s reluctance, it’s somehow fitting that his book appears in the middle of the “minor” prophets’; it’s almost a bit of comic relief to read Jonah’s hapless tale, about how he tries to run from a God who is unwilling to let him get away. It’s almost unfortunate that Jonah doesn’t tell us why Jonah ran away, why he didn’t want to go to Nineveh and pass on God’s warning. Only in the fourth chapter does Jonah complain to the Lord that he knew all along that the Ninevites would repent, but that just sounds too obstinate to be the whole reason. Here’s the thing, though: Nowhere does Jonah deny God & His righteous power. In this verse, Jonah is in the belly of the “huge fish” and recalling his relationship with the all-powerful God. ...And, of course, Jonah calls on Him – and, of course, he was heard.

---

Unfortunately, I’m like Jonah beyond disobedience & resistance. Unfortunately, I call on the Lord when I need Him, when I want something from Him, when I feel “my life ... ebbing away,” whether in reality or metaphorically. In the recent “Daniel’s Reassurance,” I wrote about how I’m trying to learn His voice & do what He asks; I do not want to be like Jonah, resistant to God’s desires, no matter how afraid I am that He will ask me to do something difficult. After the deliverance session I wrote about in “His Unfailing Love,” Pastor James told me that his vision of my relationship with God reminded him of Jonah’s story – not unflatteringly, James assured me, but that he (James) was sure I would bend to God’s will like he (Jonah) ultimately did. These are wonderful things, and (at least intellectually) I’m for them, but here’s the thing: I don’t want to be that guy who turns to God only in times of trouble, who runs from what the Lord wants me to do, denies His will or even (as Pastor Cliff said) deigns “consider” it first. Instead, I want to remember God during all my day, through whatever I’m living – whether bad, good, or indifferent. Knowing He’s on my side during hard times, in the depth of the storm, well, that’s all good. But I want Him to know I’m on His side all the time, and that (I think) is sometimes the hardest commitment to make...

---

Dear God, my Jehovah – Thank You for Your amazing love, the bottomless depth of Your heart for us. Thank You, Lord, for caring enough about me to escort me through the deserts of my growing faith, for showing me how patient You are, for being so gentle & loving in Your instruction. I know I could not do these things without You, Lord, and I know You have so much more in store for me. Please, Lord, help me be stronger so that I can take the next steps You have planned. Please, Father God, teach me, give me the passion for You, for my life with You, that I need to become that man to whom You can turn, in whom You can entrust Your deepest desire. I only want to want to serve You to Your Glory. Please help me do that. This I pray in Jesus’ name. Amen.

EVEN GOD REPENTS (SOAP 0161) Amos 7:1-8 (KJV)

2011-04-08T06:15:00.000-07:00

Thus hath the Lord God shewed unto me; and, behold, he formed grasshoppers in the beginning of the shooting up of the latter growth; and, lo, it was the latter growth after the king's mowings. And it came to pass, that when they had made an end of eating the grass of the land, then I said, O Lord God, forgive, I beseech thee: by whom shall Jacob arise? for he is small. The Lord repented for this: It shall not be, saith the Lord. Thus hath the Lord God shewed unto me: and, behold, the Lord God called to contend by fire, and it devoured the great deep, and did eat up a part. Then said I, O Lord God, cease, I beseech thee: by whom shall Jacob arise? for he is small. The Lord repented for this: This also shall not be, saith the Lord God. Thus he shewed me: and, behold, the Lord stood upon a wall made by a plumbline, with a plumbline in his hand. And the Lord said unto me, Amos, what seest thou? And I said, A plumbline. Then said the Lord, Behold, I will set a plumbline in the midst of my people Israel: I will not again pass by them any more...

---

This long passage reminds me of Abraham bargaining with the Lord over Sodom. Amos has documented God’s dissatisfaction with the hoity-toity of Israel, the rich aristocracy that have turned from Him and are “worshipping” at the altars of rain, wealth & sex gods. Here, Amos shows us that the Lord is preparing to release curses that will harm the “small” man – the commoners, the hoi polloi. This strongly suggests they are not without sin, either. Even though they took their cue from their king & other leaders, they, too, turned from God. Amos begs on their behalf, asking, “How will they recover?” For me, the point here is the verb (in the King James version) “repent.” What a wonderful God we have who can & will repent for His own thoughts & plans. He understands that His impulse is punitive, harmful; even in His anger, He hears our pleas & remembers His great love for us.

---

One of my regular prayers is for God to help me achieve His perfect hatred of sin so that I can totally repent, completely turn from it. It’s taking me a long time to get there, even post-deliverance; I’m so bound to my flesh by force of habit that the draw of sin – my addictions to the hot adrenaline rush of anger, the paroxysmal heaving of lust, the self-satisfied superiority of my ego – is beyond magnetic, gravitational. Used to be my sin was the earth, but I think now it’s changed... It’s like the moon, pulling my emotions like tides this way & that, but the Lord is the Sun – He offers light & warmth & comfort & guidance.

---

Dear Heavenly Lord, Jehovah Tsidkenu – As I listen to “Amazing Love,” Lord, I am so deeply touched by Your love, Your constancy. Though my own love for my son is as close to perfect as I think it can be, I fail in how I communicate it, how I demonstrate it, but You, dear God, are my guide, my loving & patient teacher. Please continue to lead me, Lord; not for my sake but for his & for Your glory. I want to love the way You do & despise sin as perfectly as You – all only so I can honor You. This is my prayer, Lord, in Jesus’ name. Amen.

STOP MESSING AROUND! (SOAP 0160) Amos 5:14-15 (CEV)

2011-04-06T10:26:00.000-07:00

“If you really want to live, / you must stop doing wrong / and start doing right. / I, the Lord God All-Powerful, / will then be on your side, / just as you claim I am. / Choose good instead of evil! / See that justice is done. / Maybe I, the Lord All-Powerful, / will be kind to what’s left / of your people.”

---

Man-o-man, Amos really slams the Israelites. He calls the women of the northern kingdom “cows” and draws images of them that make the Real Housewives of [name your favorite city here] look flattering by comparison. The Lord lets loose, too, dripping with sarcasm as He describes how these pampered & egotistical schmucks & putzes go through the motions of worship, how they pay Him lip service but little else, and then wonder that nothing works out for them. God describes how he withdraws blessing from them & they suffer, but they still refuse to turn to Him; Amos reminds them of God’s Glory & Power, but the people only reject His ways. Then, in the midst of all this, come these lines. Very simple; very straightforward. Stop talking about religion; stop pretending at faith. Do it! In the New Testament, we come to understand that our salvation isn’t based on works; it’s based on faith. But there’s something about retaining & growing in God’s blessing that requires us to behave differently, to demonstrate our new relationship with God. And, Amos stresses to us here, only when we do will God certainly will not be on our side.

---

I don’t really concentrate on salvation versus damnation, on what’s going to happen at the End Times. I know people who do, but eternity isn’t driving me in my relationship with God. That said, I sometimes wonder what is. It’s still too easy for me to do the wrong thing and then be “sorry;” it’s still too easy for me to ignore the Holy Spirit and waste time or get angry or act out lustfully or whatever it is I know I’m not supposed to do because it (whatever “it” may be) doesn’t honor God. Maybe I’m too hard on myself; maybe I just know that I don’t try hard enough. Maybe to “try hard enough” I just need to surrender more, which means doing what He tells me. Back into the same circle, post-deliverance, but I still feel like I’m getting better... I know I can surrender & grow; I know He will support me & help me & lead me & protect me & love me. This is the essence of my faith...

---

Abba – As I wrote last time, You are eternally patient & forever glorious. I am so, so grateful for the lessons You’re giving me and the wonderful way You are leading me to learn them. I continue to be sorry, Lord, for the various ways I sin: Yesterday, I wasted time & then acted out lustfully. But I’m grateful, God, for Your help; I am getting better about anger & resentment. Steps, always forward, leading to Your arms. Please, Abba, continue to help me look for & find You. “Find” mostly – because You are where my peace is; You are my Peace, Jehovah-Shalom. Thank You, God. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.

PATIENCE (SOAP 0159) Amos 3:1-2 & :10 (excerpts from NIV)

2011-04-04T09:04:00.000-07:00

Hear this word, people of Israel, the word the Lord has spoken against you – against the whole family I brought up out of Egypt: / “You only have I chosen / of all the families of the earth; / therefore I will punish you / for all your sins.” / ... / “They do not know how to do right,” / declares the Lord, / “who store up in their fortresses / what they have plundered and looted.”

---

Amos opens by prophesying against the kingdoms surrounding Israel. He lists their wrongs, their sin, and he outlines the Lord’s judgement; even Judah gets its share of Amos’ critique & God’s punishment. An emigrant from Judah, Amos preached in Israel, which undoubtedly gave his audience a certain feeling of superiority & even smugness. I love how the Lord always picks the right tool for His jobs... After describing what others have done wrong, inviting Israel’s violent agreement, Amos turns to them. In the second chapter, he details their sin – selling the poor into slavery, denying justice to the oppressed, sexual perversion & profaning God’s temple & name. Imagine the Israelites’ nods turning to embarrassment and then shame & outrage. Then, Amos reminds them that the Lord chose them; their success & wealth come from God because of His love. How can they simply ignore His goodness?

---

For some time, I’ve been exhausted reading the Old Testament. This is my first time, and I don’t think I realized how many times the similar histories of the Israelites are repeated. I knew I expected a portrayal of the Lord as angry & vengeful & wrathful – I’ve even talked & wrote (wrongly) about how the Old & New Testaments describe two different Gods – but I didn’t expect to hear so much about the same things. What’s tiring is the relentlessness of the historians & prophets documenting sin & disobedience & obstinacy & ingratitude. ...Kind of like mine. Maybe it took prayers of deliverance; maybe it took maturity; maybe it took just being exhausted, but today I started to get it. God chose the Israelites, and God chose me. How could they & how could I continue to break His covenant, break our words, break His heart? Of course He corrects us, guides us, leads us; of course it is difficult, trying & even painful; of course He finally decides to punish. ...And of course He does it with love.

---

Abba... My Father... Daddy – I’ve thanked You for Your patience before; I’ve praised You & glorified You for all You’ve done despite my sin. Still, I’ve been impatient myself – with my colleagues, my family, myself, even with You. Worse still & still again, I’ve continued to be sinful; I’ve continued to choose to do those things that I know You don’t want me to do. Like Paul, I can’t seem to help myself; unlike Paul, I sometimes don’t even try very hard to help myself. But just now, Lord, I’ve gotten a better picture... If I find the Old Testament repetitious and tedious, how must it have been for You? How must it be for You now? Once again, I’m sorry, Lord, but I’m not condemning myself. I’m grateful for Your love & Your teaching & Your patience. With the help of Your Grace, I will sin no more; I will avoid the near occasions of sin; I will live to glorify You by my words & my actions & my entire life. This is my prayer, in Jesus’ name. Amen.

PRIORITY SHREDDING (SOAP 0158) Joel 2:13 (NIV)

2011-04-02T11:07:00.000-07:00

Rend your heart / and not your garments. / Return to the Lord your God, / for He is gracious and compassionate, / slow to anger and abounding in love, / and He relents from sending calamity.

---

All of Judah has been destroyed by an invading swarm of locusts. They have eaten everything in the land, destroying so much that even the rivers have dried up. Complete calamity. Of course, Joel’s point is that the people need to turn to God & rely on Him; he (Joel) draws the clear picture that the Israelites have not been attentive to the Lord’s ways & laws, although I don’t think Joel asserts that the swarm & destruction were caused by Judah’s sin. The Lord weighs in and calls the people back to Him; He promises fidelity when they honor Him. In this passage, Joel tells the people to tear up their hearts (which I suspect are hardened to the Lord & his ways and, therefore, hardened to one another) – far more important to God than the shredding of their clothes (an outward sign of their distress). The Lord’s not interested in what you’re wearing or how loudly you wail; He’s only interested in how you can make your heart soft, how you can love, how you can honor & glorify Him.

---

I’m not in the habit of shredding my clothes to demonstrate how upset I am, but I certainly understand the point Joel makes. Frequently, we’re loud about our distress, we advertise how angry or sad or crushed we are, and I (for one) am very slow, reluctant even, to own my part in it. If only I can more compassionate, more loving, more tender-hearted... That’s part of overcoming selfishness, isn’t it? Lashing out or metaphorically rending my garments is just a way of calling attention to myself, my frustration, my anger, my hurt. Getting past that would be a huge step, and I’m certain (as Joel tells us) that God will love that. I can rend my heart; I can turn to the Lord during those times, instead of turning immediately to anger & frustration. Just like God – I can learn to be “slow to anger & abounding in love...”

---

Heavenly Father – Your Word & Love are glorious. You are my inspiration & my guide. Jesus, You are my rabbi... For the first time in some time, I really feel like my growth in You is taking significant steps forward. Like I tell Lefty McMurphy, it’s about the better processing, refining of the sugar. For so long, I’ve felt like cane – it takes a lot of work to get the sweet out – whereas Lefty’s sweetness is as fine as baker’s sugar. Today, I feel like I’m making progress toward the granulated kind... It’s all due to You, Lord; Your grace & patience are filling me with Your love. I’m grateful, God, and continue with nothing but hope for a better, deeper, more loving relationship in You. Thank you, Lord. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.

HIS UNFAILING LOVE (SOAP 0157) Hosea 10:12 (NIV)

2011-04-01T08:36:00.000-07:00

“Sow righteousness for yourselves, / reap the fruit of unfailing love, / and break up your unplowed ground; / for it is time to seek the Lord, / until He comes / and showers His righteousness on you.”

---

In the midst of enumerating Israel’s many sins, of lamenting how Israel has turned its back on God, there is this line of correction. God’s “righteousness” is His character. As A. W. Tozer said, “When God acts justly, He ... is simply acting like Himself.” It’s not so much that God defines “righteousness;” God is righteousness. So, here He tells the sinning Israelites that they need only to plant Him, and they will gain His never-ending, “unfailing” love. To me, this echos of Jesus‘ parable of the sower, in which He describers how seed grows in various types of soil. Here, God tells the rebellious Israelites that they only need to turn back to Him, they only need to break up the hard, sinful soil in their lives, their hearts and look to His righteousness – God’s “natural expression of His holiness” (as Richard Strauss defined it). The plowing is the breaking up of that sin, the grinding it down so the seed of the Lord’s holiness has a place to take root. This is commentary on God’s complete purity and how He will help us gain a little of it for ourselves. And when we seek it, when we prepare ourselves to receive it, the rewards – what we “reap” – are showered upon us, showing His unfailing love.

---

This is like returning to an old home, putting on a comfortable sweater... In “Bumper Crop” and “The Encrusted Pot” and “Rescued,” I’ve described my relationship with the sower parable (so I won’t go over it again here). Nowadays, I’m really starting to feel comfortable with the work I’ve been doing, with the plowing that has seemed to take so long. Just the other day, Pastors Dan & James prayed with me for my deliverance – from various demons & influences that formed a schizophrenic-like cluster in me – and I know it was successful. I almost expected a shazam! moment, but it didn’t happen that way. Nevertheless, I’ve been far, far more in control, far calmer, far more certain of God’s love. I know also that my prayers – these long & frequent prayers that God redeem me, that He bring me close to Him & let me know Him & teach me how to seek Him – are being answered. I am still attempting to break up that unplowed ground in my heart & still learning out to seek God, but I am also gaining a calm, a sense of peace that He is here, that I know He will always be here and that I am truly sowing righteousness for myself & my family.

---

Abba... Dad... – I love You, I love You, I love You. Thanks & praise be to You, O Lord! Today, even though I am basking in the calm You’ve gifted me, I know that You are here & always here. I know that You are hearing me & responding. I don’t know why; I don’t know what is different than before other than I am really experiencing Your faithfulness. Thank You, Lord. I have nothing else to say. I know there are sins – thank You for forgiving them! – but today I just want to say, “Thank You!” In Jesus’ name, I pray! Amen.

BE DELIVERED (SOAP 0156) Hosea 7:13b-14 (NIV)

2011-03-30T14:30:00.000-07:00

“I long to redeem them / but they speak about Me falsely. / They do not cry out to Me from their hearts / but wail on their beds. / They slash themselves, appealing to their gods / for grain and new wine, / but they turn away from Me.”

---

John Calvin pointedly discusses this passageas “the place [that] teaches how intolerable is our ingratitude when ... we keep not the faith pledged” to the Lord. Albert Barnes uses the same word and glorifies God, saying His “mercy overflow[s our] ingratitude” and explains that lying about God includes “not sincerely but feignedly” and “always perversely” turning to God or “deny[ing] that God is what He is” in thought, word or deed. Thankfully, Matthew Henry offers a solution that can come only from the Lord – praying, “Create in us a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within us” – because the “pride which leads [us] to break the law of God leads to self-flattery,” and “though [obstinate sinners] may howl forth [our] terrors in the form of prayers, [we] seldom cry to God with [our] hearts.” Calvin agrees, saying that “God is our deliverer on this condition, that we be wholly devoted to Him.” Even though we live in Grace – or possibly because we live in Grace – we’re convicted more deeply by our ingratitude & obstinacy & pride & failure to acknowledge that only God can deliver us.

---

When I say, “I love You, Lord,” I know (in my head) that He’s not saying, “Then why do you keep sinning?” But (in my heart) I know I wouldn’t blame Him or be surprised. In my family – my parents’ protestations aside – love was always conditional, so I still struggle with the depth & completeness of God’s love. I know it’s always there, and at those times when I truly “get it,” I’m grateful. Problem is, I’m undisciplined, even obstinate. There’s a huge part of me that doesn’t want to be – intellectually – but I need to effect that 2-foot drop to my heart, to incorporate His true love for me into my true & reciprocal love for Him. As I work through deliverance, I pray to be able to understand & unconditionally accept His Grace – because this is what I truly want, because I want to shed my pride, to keep the faith I’ve pledged to Him, to have a clean heart & renewed spirit, to cry to only God with my complete heart, I pray Calvin’s prayer that I be wholly devoted to Him...

---

Heavenly Father... Dad... – You are my Father, my Dad, the Great I AM, the only One who can heal & create peace (Jehovah Shalom) and stay with me (Jehovah Shammah), and I thank & praise You for all You’ve done for me. I’m sorry, Father God, Abba; I’m sorry, Jesus, but I’m afraid; I’m terrified... I so badly want to be delivered from these demons that keep me from completely knowing You, completely loving You, but I don’t know what will become of me; I don’t know how it will happen or how I will react or be different. I’m sorry, Lord, but I’m afraid, and I’m sorry if my fear keeps me from trusting You, surrendering to You, sincerely loving You... I pray, Lord, that You heal me – as only You can – so that I can be completely & forever devoted to You, just the way You want me to be. Then, Lord, I ask that You use me to Your will and Your ends... In Jesus’ great & glorious name, I pray. Amen.

SEEK HIS FACE, i (SOAP 0155) Hosea 5:15b (NIV)

2011-03-29T13:42:00.000-07:00

“...In their misery, / they will earnestly seek Me.”

---

As Hosea brings Gomer home and begins restoring their relationship so she can once again be his wife, the Lord gives him the lesson as it applies to the Israelites. Once again, God uses the analogy of the unfaithful wife, the prostitute, the harlot to describe how unfaithful His people have been. He doesn’t leave it vague; He describes their sin, their love of cursing & lying & murder & stealing & adultery, the deliberateness of their sin, the prostitution, the idol worship, and the false way they return to God when things don’t work out or when they’re afraid that He’s deserted them. These are especially graphic & accurate descriptions of the behaviors exhibited by the unfaithful bride. Not sure why, but (in my experience) their instability & immorality & neediness all feed the same monster demon. They’re unable to be faithful to theOne who loves them, but they’re also unable to be without. And, so it’s torture for him / Him...

---

It’s amazing how circular life can be... I remember the torture of the Red Situation years, how everything she did could destroy me, how broken I was over her... I recall walking across a greenbelt, many months had passed since I’d last seen or heard from her, and suddenly knowing that she was about to call. That night, she did, and the roller coaster started up again for me. She knew how she tortured me; yet, she continued year after year after year. ...Now, I realize how I’ve treated the Lord. I know He loves me with that same commitment, and I know that He’s been patient, even through His hurt. I know He knows there is misery in my future, as long as I live without Him, and I know He will only wait. I swore I’d never be like The Redhead, but I have been; not just towards the Lord, but in many of my relationships... Now, I just need to (re-)learn being earnest...

---

My dear Lord God, Abba – I praise & thank You for Your unfailing love, for Your patience and for Your tutoring me. I do love You, Lord, even though I know I don’t behave appropriately sometimes. I’m learning not to be Gomer-like or Redhead-like, but the selfishness is deeply ingrained. I’ve prayed before: Break me, Lord; bring me down to the bottom of the misery so I can learn to properly seek You. I want to know Your face; I want to know how to love You completely, and I know I can only do that when my flesh is dead to myself. Help me kill my flesh, my ego, my self, Lord. Help me seek only You and forever You. This is my prayer not just for my sake but for the sakes of the Cueball & Trophy Wife who both deserve a man who seeks first Your kingdom & Your will and who always strives to do it. Empty me of myself, God, and fill me with Your Holy Spirit so I can serve only You. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.

FIDELITY (SOAP 0154) Hosea 2:19-23 (NIV)

2011-03-15T13:21:00.000-07:00

“I will betroth you to Me forever; / I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, / in love and compassion. / I will betroth you in faithfulness, / and you will acknowledge the Lord. / In that day I will respond,” / declares the Lord – / “I will respond to the skies, / and they will respond to the earth; / and the earth will respond to the grain, / the new wine and oil, / and they will respond to Jezreel. / I will plant her for Myself in the land; / I will show My love to the one I called ‘Not My loved one.’ / I will say to those called ‘Not My people,’ / ‘You are My people;’ and they will say, ‘You are my God.’”

---

In “Return to the Lord,” I wrote about understanding the Lord’s heartbreak over an adulterous wife (see Ezekiel 16), about how I’ve been on the receiving end of that (the Red Situation) & how difficult it has been for me to cope with it. Here, again, the Lord uses the same analogy, except this time He’s instructed Hosea to marry Gomer, the adulteress, and have children with her. In these early chapters, we’re told of three of these children (and it’s not clear all of them are actually Hosea’s), and God tells Hosea to give two of them names that separate them from him – “Not My loved one” & “Not My people.” The parallel between Gomer’s children & the children of Israel – offspring, all, of unfaithful wives – is drawn throughout the Lord’s song to Hosea in chapter two. Broken-hearted as He is, He still promises to take them back – all the while setting up to give Hosea the same instruction – because of His great love & forgiveness.

---

My adulteress wasn’t called Gomer, but that’s as good a name as any. The thing is, our relationship was over 30 years ago, and I am still hurt & shamed by our relationship. (Truth be told, I wasn’t always faithful, either; neither of us were paragons of virtue.) I’m not sure what the lesson here is. God wants us to understand how hurt He was by Israel’s infidelity – and I think He made that quite clear in Ezekiel 16. Although He reiterates that here, He also shows us the depth of His love and grace. But it goes beyond that: He tells us that He will take the first step; He will open His arms wide in love, and Israel’s children “will acknowledge the Lord, ... and they will say, ‘You are my God.’” The beauty here is God’s grace is beyond forgiveness. He initiates the restoration of the relationship. And that is what sets Him – and this lesson – apart. Not only do I need to learn to forgive better & more completely – and what better place than to start than with the Red Situation – but I need to learn to go beyond just not holding a grudge. No worries: I’m not reaching out to The Redhead to restore any relationship, but there are plenty of other places I can start...

---

Dear Lord – Sometimes I can only know the depth of Your love by not being able to comprehend it. I praise You & thank You – because without that bottomless love & grace, I could never know You. I am sorry for all the times I cannot forgive, for all of the grudges I’ve held. I want to love like Jesus does, Lord; please help me be so complete in myself that I can give that much love away. Thank You, Lord, for the example You set & lessons You share. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

DANIEL’S REASSURANCE (SOAP 0153) Daniel 10:12 (NIV)

2011-03-07T09:00:00.000-08:00

Then [the man dressed in linen] continued, “Do not be afraid, Daniel. Since the first day that you set your mind to gain understanding and to humble yourself before your God, your words were heard, and I have come in response to them.”

---

“The man dressed in linen” (as Daniel describes him in 10:5) apparently is an angel – some say Gabriel (who appeared in Daniel 8) – who has been sent to answer Daniel’s prayers. We know from the text that Daniel has been mourning (& praying) for three weeks, and the angel virtually apologizes for taking so long to get there – “the prince of the Persian kingdom resisted me twenty-one days.”

Many argue that this shows how the Lord answered Daniel’s prayer immediately – He’s the One who sends the angels, after all; it also shows the on-going spiritual battles and how the enemy occupies God’s warriors. In context of Daniel’s life, this is hard; part of me weeps for him. He has been so faithful; he is so concerned about how God’s people sight of Him and how so few (less than 50,000?) are interested in returning to Jerusalem – i.e., that they’re comfortable living in the unholy ways of Babylon & the Persian empire. Yet, Daniel will not return to his beloved city. He has been faithful to God’s instruction, and he gets this wonderful re-affirmation just before the last powerful prophesy that includes insight into the next several hundred years as well as the end of days.

---

For some time, I’ve been convinced of my own need for deliverance – from the demons that I’ve allowed to dictate & even control so much of my thinking & behavior. I frequently fear that my faith is too weak, my love for God too shallow, and I pray to Him to help me develop a stronger, deeper relationship with Him. Very recently, I’ve given myself over to listening for His voice, His instruction; I’ve tried to do His will as I understand it. Talking with Pastor Cliff the other day, he said, “Some people pray to know God’s will so they can consider it. Others pray so they can do it.” Pastor Cliff was acknowledging me, offering me encouragement & praise for trying to be one of the latter. This passage helps me understand & know that it’s true, that the Lord is hearing my prayers & answering them, that my faithfulness in Him will help Him change me to be more of the man He wants, that my patience is part of the battle, part of my deliverance.

---

My dear, heavenly Father, Abba – Your Word & Your Faithfulness & Your Love are truly great and strengthen me. You protect & love & comfort me, and You show me all I need to know; I just need to be still & listen. Lord, my greatest sin is pride; my most difficult battle is with Self. Thank You, Lord Jesus, for giving me these words of encouragement – because I have long prayed for greater humility; I’ve long tried to beat back the enemy of my own hubris; I’ve long desired to know You first & limit my reliance on myself. I know You’re changing me; I know Your Spirit is in me & conforming my mind to be more like You. Thank You, Lord; I can’t wait to see how you continue to put me to Your use! I praise & thank You, Lord, in Jesus’ name. Amen.

DANIEL’S PRAYER OF REPENTANCE (SOAP 0152) Daniel 9:1-5 & 9:17-19 (excerpts from NIV)

2011-02-28T10:46:00.000-08:00

So I turned to the Lord God and pleaded with him in prayer and petition, in fasting, and in sackcloth and ashes. I prayed to the Lord my God and confessed: “Lord, the great and awesome God, who keeps His covenant of love with those who love Him and keep His commandments, we have sinned and done wrong. We have been wicked and have rebelled; we have turned away from Your commands and laws... Now, our God, hear the prayers and petitions of Your servant. For Your sake, Lord, look with favor on Your desolate sanctuary. Give ear, our God, and hear; open Your eyes and see the desolation of the city that bears Your Name. We do not make requests of You because we are righteous, but because of Your great mercy. Lord, listen! Lord, forgive! Lord, hear and act! For Your sake, my God, do not delay, because Your city and Your people bear Your Name.”

---

At this point, Daniel is nearly 90 years old, and he’s lived his entire adult life in captivity under Babylonian kings. He’s been reading the letter Jeremiah sent to the exiles (recorded in Jeremiah 29), and he understands that the exile will last 70 years – which means (a) that it’s coming to an end and (b) Daniel probably won’t live to see Jerusalem again. And, at this, Daniel does one of the most unselfish & holy things I’ve seen in the Old Testament:He falls to his knees and prays repentance for all the Israelites. He knows God’s punishment is righteous, and He knows God’s promises are good; still, he wants God to know that His point has been made, that the people are ready to return. He knows God is fair & loving, and that is the basis for his prayer.

---

One reason I write under pseudonym is I don’t want to embarrass people I love... The Cueball came to me a few months ago & confessed: He’d found porn on the internet, and he was disturbed by the desires & habits it fostered. It took great guts; I don’t know if I helped, if I received him with the Grace that Jesus taught. I didn’t rant & rave, but I did strictly limit his on-line access; a “punishment” to protect him from the enemy’s influence. But if his confession was like Daniel’s – and the Holy Spirit tells me it was, in a way – I don’t know if I treated him the way God wants; I don’t know if I’m truly demonstrating my love while guiding him. I don’t know if I’m conveying my love & my forgiveness the way he needs to hear them, the way God would. I want him to know Daniel’s repentance while also knowing Daniel’s unselfishness, and I know he won’t trust me or God completely unless I’m able to show him the same unconditional love God wants us both to know.

---

Father God, Papi – We honor Your righteousness but mostly value Your love. Thank You, Lord, for Your Grace & Your unconditional affection. I know I am taking a long time to learn this, God, and I know the Cueball needs to know it now. So, I’m sorry for my weakness. I pray that You give me the strength to show the Cueball; I pray that You give him the knowledge, the certainty that I’ve lacked. I pray for that 2-foot-drop so that I can know in my heart Your everlasting love for my entire family and so I can demonstrate it the way that Jesus did, the way that He taught us. It is in His name that I pray. Amen.

NEBUCHADNEZZAR’S PRIDE (SOAP 0151) Daniel 4:1-3 (NIV)

2011-02-27T08:46:00.000-08:00

King Nebuchadnezzar, To the nations and peoples of every language who live in all the earth: May you prosper greatly! It is my pleasure to tell you about the miraculous signs and wonders that the Most High God has performed for me. / How great are His signs, / how mighty His wonders! / His kingdom is an eternal kingdom; / his dominion endures from generation to generation.

---

In the context of the Babylonian empire’s conquests & reach, Nebuchadnezzar’s rule, and the evidence that he’s seen of God, the Great I AM – including Daniel’s first dream interpretation & the Shadrach, Meshach & Abednego incident – my initial reaction to Nebuchadnezzar’s glorification of the Lord is, “It’s about time!” These lines immediately follow the furnace story and opens of Daniel’s fourth chapter (or closes the third one, in Aramaic texts). Still, Nebuchadnezzar apparently suffers from the kind of sin that really vexes God because the next tale Daniel tells is how the king will be brought down and exiled to his own wilderness & insanity until he learns to glorify God. It’s amazing how Nebuchadnezzar can bounce back & forth between acknowledging God’s ruling power – His “dominion” – and still expressing the pride & self-congratulations / -adulation that breaks God’s heart.

---

I’ve written before about how pride is one of the hardest sins for me, how my inflated ideas of my own worth & value stand in my way of forging a meaningful relationship with God. I know I rely too much on my own strength, power, intellect, and I know how that works for me. Still, I find it difficult to change, grow & submit to God’s will, to truly appreciate His Glory; I pray that He will break my pride, my Self, so that I can truly serve Him. ...But this passage & devotion isn’t about me or my issues. What strikes me about Nebuchadnezzar’s letter is the line about how “[God’s] dominion endures from generation to generation.” It’s not even the “eternal” – which is important but very difficult to process – but the intergenerational. These are truths we want our children to understand & hold in their hearts, to learn & accept. Even though I want my son to have a fully-developed sense of self, I don’t want him to have it at the expense of understanding who he is in Christ; I don’t want him to suffer the pains of an over-developed ego...

---

Glorious Lord, my Father in Heaven – Thank You for all that You’ve created & shared with us; thank You for the lessons You provide. Even though my pride still gets in the way, even though I am still learning to submit my life, subject myself to You, I am sorry; I am deeply & terribly sorry because I want to honor You & live in You with nothing but Love. Thank You, Lord, for the wonderful wife & son You’ve brought me, the loving family with which You’ve blessed me, the knowledge of You & love for You they have. They teach me (when I choose to listen), and I pray that the Cueball continues to understand his place in Your dominion. Please keep him & teach him & protect him from the enemy’s influence, from the enemy’s draw toward pride so that he can avoid the challenges & sins to which I’ve been subject for so long. This I pray in Jesus’ Holy & Glorious name. Amen.

THE DREAM OF THE KING (SOAP 0150) Daniel 2:20b-23 (NIV)

2011-02-25T17:16:00.000-08:00

“Praise be to the name of God for ever and ever; / wisdom and power are His. / He changes times and seasons; / He deposes kings and raises up others. / He gives wisdom to the wise / and knowledge to the discerning. / He reveals deep and hidden things; / He knows what lies in darkness, / and light dwells with Him. / I thank and praise You, God of my ancestors: / You have given me wisdom and power, / You have made known to me what we asked of You, / You have made known to us the dream of the king.”

---

This is Daniel’s prayer, early in his book, praising & thanking the Lord for revealing not only the interpretation of Nebuchadnezzar’s first dream but the content of the dream itself (the huge statue made of many different materials that is brought down by a stone). This Nebuchadnezzar guy is pretty interesting... Clearly, he’s a warrior / empire-builder. He’s also pretty brutal – telling his collection of seers that he’ll cut them into little pieces if they can’t tell him the details of his dream. That’s a way to flush out the charlatans, isn’t it? Then, he rewards Daniel because Daniel was able to do it – with God’s help, which Nebuchadnezzar acknowledges, calling Him the “God of gods and the Lord of kings.” Later, Nebuchadnezzar is surprised again by God’s Power when Shadrach, Meshach & Abednego survive the furnace after refusing to worship a gold idol. This guy’s all over the place! ...But the point is Daniel’s prayer. When the Lord gives him the appropriate vision & answer to Nebuchadnezzar’s dream mystery, Daniel heaps this wondrous praise on the name of God! I love these images & truths!

---

Daniel makes this prayer & these praises look so easy... I try to pray this way; I try to praise God for the Power & Glory He displays, but I never feel like I’m able to come across with it as completely, as sincerely as Daniel has here. “He changes times and seasons!” What a great & complete image of God’s ruling power! “He knows what lies in darkness...” Sometimes that image of the Lord scares me because I’m afraid of how much of my own mind continues to lie in darkness, but “light dwells with Him!” This, I think, is one of the truly great answers. If we are to avoid the pitfalls of life, if we are to truly defeat the darkness, the evil that awaits us in the flesh, then we only need to dwell with God! Because that is where the light is – it, too, “dwells with Him!” Light – and all other good things (like wisdom & power & the knowledge of things that we ask) – come from God! Praise the Lord!

---

Father God, Papi – I come to You on my knees, my head bowed in praise & wonder before Your Glory. Thank You, Lord! Thank You for revealing these mysteries to me – plain as they seem! Thank You, Papi, for giving Your wisdom to my family – particularly my son & my wife – because they know You & they are growing in You & You are bringing them closer to You & in deeper relationship with You. They are more important to me than me, Lord; their relationships with You are as critical as Daniel’s. Thank You, Lord, for caring for them, teaching them, loving them! Thank You, Papi, in the name of Your Son, my Lord & Savior, Jesus Christ. Amen.

THE LORD IS THERE (SOAP 0149) Ezekiel 48:35b (NIV)

2011-02-21T09:18:00.000-08:00

And the name of the city from that time on will be:

THE LORD IS THERE.

---

For the last chapters of Ezekiel, the Lord gives instruction very similar to those laws given to Moses & Joshua about when & how to sacrifice, how to make offerings to God, who is responsible for doing which things, how & when worship should happen, how the Promised Land should be divided & preserved. I’m sure He needed to do that – like any father would re-educate a child who had lost his way – because the Israelites had completely forgotten His original covenant & the instructions He’d given centuries & generations before. But here, the Lord takes it further and He tells Ezekiel how the completely preserve His Holy City and the Temple inside of it: He names it Himself.

---

To be honest, I really felt like Ezekiel was winding down, like one of those too-long movies that had played itself out. I understood the Lord’s instruction, but I find the measurements & directions difficult to follow, particularly when the measures & places are so unfamiliar. (How much is an ephah, anyway?) But when this last line appeared, my heart soared; I was struck by the mightiness of it. In the commentaries, there’s some question about whether Ezekiel’s final vision is for a real city or an allegory, and I’m not sure it really matters. As a believer in the One True & Living God, I know that the Lord is There – and I know that “There” is “Wherever-He-Wants-It-to-Be.” I know that “There” is “Everywhere, All the Time.” And that’s the only Truth that matters to me.

---

Dear Jehovah-Shammah, My Father God – Your Glory & Strength & Wonder never fail to surprise me! You are All Great Things, All the Time. Thank You, Lord, for my soaring heart! I know You are there, but most importantly I know You Are HERE. I am grateful for Your presence & Your patience, and I pray that You will always be with my family, my son & my wife, that You will guide them & love them & protect them and that You will use me as an instrument of Your wisdom & instruction so that I can lead them in Your ways and to Your Glory. This is my prayer, God, in the name of Jesus Christ, my Lord & Savior. Amen.

THE GLORY OF GOD (SOAP 0148) Ezekiel 43:1-7a (excerpts from NIV)

2011-02-20T13:41:00.000-08:00

Then the man brought me to the gate facing east, and I saw the Glory of the God of Israel coming from the east. His voice was like the roar of rushing waters, and the land was radiant with His Glory. The vision I saw was like the vision I had seen when He came to destroy the city and like the visions I had seen by the Kebar River, and I fell facedown. The Glory of the Lord entered the temple through the gate facing east. Then the Spirit lifted me up and brought me into the inner court, and the Glory of the Lord filled the temple. While the man was standing beside me, I heard Someone speaking to me from inside the temple. He said: “Son of man, this is the place of My throne and the place for the soles of My feet...”

---

God has given Ezekiel the plans for the Millennial Temple & told him to restore the hopes of the Israelites. Now, He shows Ezekiel the vision of His return. I love how Ezekiel describes seeing “the Glory of the God of Israel” and hearingHis voice, but he never actually sees the Lord... Over the next several chapters, God describes to Ezekiel more about the temple, the altar, the new priests & sacrifices – and there’s quite a bit of discussion / commentary on how this all fits in with the New Testament & Jesus’ crucifixion obviating the need for any more sacrifices – but these are the verses that really strike me...

---

I love how the Glory of the Lord enters the land from the east, like dawn rising. We have all kinds of images of the Lord– light shining from the skies or over the horizon, funnel clouds, doves, fire, etc. Most come from Bible imagery, but this is one that really works, particularly in context. God will come again, like a new day, and He will sit down on His throne and put His feet up. (I know it doesn’t actually say that, but I love the image.) Once again, Ezekiel’s description is of the Millennial Temple, which (if I understand it correctly) ultimately will house a beast to be defeated in the Final Days, but still the image of God coming Home to this wondrous temple is awesome & inspiring.

---
Dear Lord – Thank You & for Your Word & coming Glory! Too wonderful for words & contemplation, these are the ultimate anticipation... I’m sorry, Lord, for all those times when I take my eyes off this prize, when I forget that there will come a day when we will bow down, not in horror but in awe & gratitude. Please, Father God, help me remember Your Glory; help me keep Your blessings in full sight so I can share them with others & bring them to my family. Please, Abba, help me live within Your Glory so I can be the complete man You want me to be in service to Your Son, my Lord & Savior, Jesus Christ, in whose name I pray. Amen.

THE MILLENNIAL TEMPLE (SOAP 0147) Ezekiel 40:2-5a & 42:15-20 (excerpts from NKJV)

2011-02-19T13:42:00.000-08:00

In the visions of God He took me to the land of Israel and set me on a very high mountain; on it toward the south something like the structure of a city. He took me there, and behold, a man whose appearance like the appearance of bronze. He had a line of flax and a measuring rod in his hand... Now there was a wall all around the outside of the temple. In the man’s hand was a measuring rod six cubits... Now when he had finished measuring the inner temple, he brought me out through the gateway that faces toward the east and measured it all around... He it on the four sides; it had a wall all around, five hundred long and five hundred wide, to separate the holy areasfrom the common.

---
The Israelites have been exiled for 25 years; it’s been 13 since Jerusalem was razed. Imagine their hopelessness; an entire generation of slavery, and they’re realizing that the House of their God has been utterly destroyed. And the Lord gives Ezekiel this glorious vision rich in detail & splendor of a new temple, a restored Israel. Reading many commentaries, I find disagreement about this temple – “something like the structure of a city” – and how large it will be, but there’s no questioning God promised to restore hope to a completely dispirited people. Here, Ezekiel describes an area of 3000 square cubits (6 cubits per rod times 500 rods per side); assuming a 21-inch cubit, the temple – not the entire city, just the temple – will be a square mile! Consider: That’s an area the size of the entire City of London or most of Manhattan’s Upper East Side (Central Park to the East River & 20 blocks north from 59th Street). How long would it take to walk around London proper? How many people & buildings are there in one square mile of Manhattan? ...And we’re talking about a single temple!

---

It’s funny that people argue about how large the Millennial Temple will be, especially because those arguing a smaller footprint seem to focus on the size of the Temple Mount – “It can’t hold a mile-square wall!” they say... Cracks me up. “What is it about ‘miracle’ that’s unclear?” I’ve not studied every language, every version of Ezekiel, but one thing I’m sure of: Whenever I underestimate God, I’m surprised & a bit ashamed. The point is: He is promising a restoration & a gift & a Glory that we cannot comprehend. I understand that a beast ultimately will inhabit this place, but I also understand that the beast ultimately will be destroyed. So, let’s make this temple as big & glorious as it can be. All the better to house a greater beast – because the greater the beast, the greater the Lord’s Glory when He wins!

---

Father God, Jehovah-Tsidkenu, the Righteous – Yours is the Kingdom & the Power & the Glory! To You, Lord, I give my complete allegiance, and I thank You for revealing to me how impossibly deep my love for You can be. Help me share this complete vision, this unparalleled understanding of Your greatness so that I can bring Your hope & love to my family & my friends & the people I touch every day. Help me share Your Love, generously, expansively, the way I’ve been taught by Your Son, my Lord & Savior, Jesus Christ, in whose name I pray. Amen.

ONE KING PROPHESIED (SOAP 0146) Ezekiel 37:24-27 (excerpts from NIV)

2011-02-17T12:48:00.000-08:00

“‘My servant David will be king over them, and they will all have one shepherd. They will follow my laws and be careful to keep my decrees... I will make a covenant of peace with them; it will be an everlasting covenant. I will establish them and increase their numbers, and I will put my sanctuary among them forever. My dwelling place will be with them; I will be their God, and they will be my people.’”

---

The context is how God will save & restore the Israelites, how He will bring them back to the Promised Land and reunite them as a single kingdom with a single king. This prophesy comes just after Ezekiel talks about the valley of dry bones (which seems to be about instilling hope in a people who believe all is lost) and just before the Lord’s warning to the Israelites’ enemy, Gog, that His people will be victorious over any future invaders. Commentaries on chapters 38 & 39 agree that these are related to other end-times prophesies, although there is considerable disagreement about when these events are suppose to happen (or whether they are happening now). But in the middle of this, God tells us about His new covenant – one of peace with those who are subject to one king, a descendant of David. And that is the good news...

-–

In so many passages, I’ve found myself focusing on the darkness, the negative parts of what the Lord tells us, particularly in these prophetic books. I’m so grateful that I was drawn to these verses of promise, of hope. Like the first century Jews (I’m sure), I first missed what God was telling us here. He’s not promising another Warrior King; He specifically promises a “covenant of peace.” This is what Jesus promised, too; Jesus assured us He would be our Shepherd. God’s “dwelling place” – Jesus promises – is inside us, so we don’t need to be looking out for a building or a particular location. All we need to do is look to Him to help us be with God and follow the greatest commandments that He gave us...

---

Abba, My Father – Thank You for Your deepest, most comprehensive Love; thank You for Your care & protection; thank You for Your Grace & the care of Your Son, my Lord & Savior, Jesus Christ. Only through His love & instruction are we able to begin to understand the depth of Yours, and I’m so sorry for all those times when I miss Your goodness in the darkness of my own negativity. Please, Lord, help me share Your promise with my family & friends & colleagues today. Please, Lord, keep the objects of my prayers – little Danny & Joe Sr & Lefty & Pastor Al & all those others who I raise up in love – keep them in Your protection & Grace and give them the understanding of Your unparalleled Love. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.

RESCUED (SOAP 0145) Ezekiel 34:11-16 & 36:25-27 (excerpts from NIV)

2011-02-16T12:10:00.000-08:00

“‘For this is what the Sovereign Lord says: I Myself will search for My sheep and look after them... I will search for the lost and bring back the strays. I will bind up the injured and strengthen the weak, but the sleek and the strong I will destroy. I will shepherd the flock with justice...’”

“‘I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your impurities and from all your idols. I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put My Spirit in you and move you to follow My decrees and be careful to keep My laws.’”

---

In prophesying against the nations surrounding Israel, Ezekiel also receives words from the Lord about how He will save & restore the Israelites. I read somewhere that these chapters were written about a third of the way through the Babylonian exile, so there was plenty of captivity time left, but the Lord still promised hope & recovery. His love is so infinite, so complete. Even in the depths of the most horrendous circumstances, He protects & comforts.

-–

I’ve written before (in “Bumper Crop” and, more recently, “The Encrusted Pot”) about the parable of the sower and how moved I was to realize that the Lord patiently tills the welcoming soil. I’d feared that I was unredeemable, that the land of my heart was too stoney, too hard to receive His Word & Love, but the Holy Spirit let me know that’s just not true... Here is proof (and God is Great!!!): The Lord promises to find & retrieve the lost sheep; He offers baptism in clean water; He offers a new heart and a new spirit. These are truly, truly beautiful, wonderful gifts. If I believe His promises – and I do – then I cannot help but accept them. I know that in my former life I was like one of these lost sheep of Israel; I know I wandered away from Him and allowed my heart to become like stone. Now, I have – again!!! – the Lord’s promise to refresh my life, to restore my heart & spirit to receive Him and be with Him & in Him and to live in His love. What a grand gift!

---

Dear, Gracious, Loving Father in Heaven – The depth of Your forgiveness & love are immeasurable! I am so grateful, thankful for Your power & willingness to heal. I do not have words to describe the immensity of my relief when I realize how I don’t have to live in such despair as so often confronts me. Thank You, Jehovah-Rophe, my healer! Thank You, Jehovah-M’Kaddish, my sanctifier! As always, I am so deeply sorry for my doubts, for my despair, which I know is prideful, sinful lack of trust in You. Praise be to You for revealing Your Grace to me again and again. Please, Lord, empower me to keep this Grace in the softened heart You’ve given me so that I can share it with everyone I meet today & every day. Please, Lord, help me know & live like Jesus, help me be more like Him every day so I can honor Him & You with the love & kindness & joy I share with others. In His Holy & Glorious name, I pray. Amen.

JUSTICE (SOAP 0144) Ezekiel 33:18-19 (NIV)

2011-02-15T09:36:00.000-08:00

“If a righteous person turns from their righteousness and does evil, they will die for it. And if a wicked person turns away from their wickedness and does what is just and right, they will live by doing so.”

---

I sometimes wonder if Ezekiel (or any of the other prophets) pushed back & said, “Why me, Lord? How come You’re telling me this stuff?” I figure probably not. Why would God chose a whiney, complainer to be His prophet? Still, the Lord’s message surrounding this passage puts a lot on Ezekiel. “I have made you a watchman,” God tells him – right after He explains that He will hold the watchmen accountable for passing on His messages. If Ezekiel fails to warn the unrighteous Israelites, then Ezekiel bears the burden of their sin. Not sure I could blame him if he replied, “Whoa, Lord! I didn’t sign up for that!” On the other hand, it’s really just a matter of trust & obedience: God tells Ezekiel to say something; Ezekiel says it, trusting in God’s will.

-–

That’s the lesson within the lesson. I’ve heard these versus before, assuring us of God’s justice & compassion. I trust them, too; they’re even more powerful under Christ’s blood – repentance is a complete cure. Saying “die,” God is talking primarily about losing everlasting life; He doesn’t strike me as concerned with our worldly deaths as we are... But the lesson for me today is the righteousness that always comes from obedience. That’s all God has asked: obey. “Wickedness” is when we don’t; “righteousness” is when we do. And “repentance” is knowing the difference. But the lesson inside the lesson is Ezekiel’s example of doing even the difficult things the Lord asks. We need to trust His love & His intentions. Ezekiel knew the Lord would place the blame for another’s sin on him because the Lord knew Ezekiel could obey. God isn’t going to ask us to do anything that will hurt us; He only wants good for us. So, we need to turn from our own “wickedness,” our own disobedience in all things – and be righteous and obedient all the time.

---

Heavenly Father – Your Glory & Righteousness are always complete. Your Love is always all-encompassing & without fault. In my head, I know I can trust You, Lord; in my mind, I tell myself that when I don’t it’s just bad habits – thoughtless reactions, without discipline. But I also know that’s only partly true. I know, Lord, there’s a hard streak of obstinacy in me, there’s a strong urge to follow my own mind, even when I know it’s not Yours. That’s pride again, I think. And stubbornness. Please help me, Lord, to know & trust You better. Please soften my heart & renew my mind so I can be obedient to You and, ultimately be a blessing to others in Your name. In Jesus’ Holy & Glorious name, I pray. Amen.

LUCIFER’S SIN (SOAP 0143) Ezekiel 28:2b-5 (NIV)

2011-02-14T23:34:00.000-08:00

“‘In the pride of your heart / you say, “I am a god; / I sit on the throne of a god / in the heart of the seas.” / But you are a mere mortal and not a god, / though you think you are as wise as a god. / Are you wiser than Daniel? / Is no secret hidden from you? / By your wisdom and understanding / you have gained wealth for yourself / and amassed gold and silver / in your treasuries. / By your great skill in trading / you have increased your wealth, / and because of your wealth / your heart has grown proud.’”

---

Ezekiel prophecies against the kingdoms surrounding Israel and then speaks the Lord’s words about various kings, including the King of Tyre (to whom these words are addressed). Chapter 28 is regularly referred in Bible commentaries & analyses as one of the main passages discussing Lucifer’s story (another being in Isaiah 14), and the later versus at 28:11-19 are pretty clearly about the fall. At the heart of all of this is Pride and God’s utter contempt for – and punishment of – the prideful. The Lord’s not condemning self-confidence or a passion for success. To the contrary, He seems to praise actual accomplishment: “By your wisdom and understanding [and] great skill...” It’s the sour heart, the self-awareness, the boasting, the pride that God loathes. And punishes.

---

I didn’t know, when I first read this, that it was part of the total Lucifer story. (I didn’t know that about Isaiah 14, either, and needed to go back and re-read that...) I shudder to think, especially since the passage nigh on jumped off the page at me, screaming, “Pay attention!” I know I’m prideful, that it’s my greatest sin, but it’s scary to be reminded how close that is to Satan’s position. I sincerely hope I don’t challenge God, but I do know pride is a big reason that I don’t trust Him, surrender to Him. It’s one of the difficult truths of my new life: The impulse to handle it, fix it, muscle through it on my own is so ingrained. It should be so easy to just surrender, just rely on God, just let Him guide...

---

Abba... Heavenly Father – I know I don’t need anything but You, Dad. You can do anything; You are everything. Nothing stands in Your way, except my will, my self-reliance. This is the biggest reason, Lord, that I’m doing poorly by the Cueball. I’m trying to control, trying to muscle through the difficulties that he is having, that he & I are having. As a result, I’m doing him real disservice. I love him so, Lord; he deserves a better dad than I’ve been, than the one I was raised to be. Please help me get out of my way, out of his way. Please break through the hardness surrounding my heart – not for my sake but for the Cueball’s & for the Trophy Wife’s – and teach me to just relax & rely on You. I know You love us; even when despair drives my doubt of Your love for me, I know I can trust Your love for them. Please teach me to rely on You, to listen to Your Holy Spirit. Teach me to come alongside them – especially the Cueball – so they can know that I just love them the way You do. This will truly be the death of my pride, and this is the best way I can think of right now of honoring You. This is my prayer in the name of Your Son, my Lord & Savior, Jesus Christ. Amen.

THE LORD’S CHILDREN (SOAP 0142) Ezekiel 25:6-7 (NIV)

2011-02-13T08:10:00.000-08:00

“For this is what the Sovereign Lord says: Because you have clapped your hands and stamped your feet, rejoicing with all the malice of your heart against the land of Israel, therefore I will stretch out My hand against you and give you as plunder to the nations. I will wipe you out from among the nations and exterminate you from the countries. I will destroy you, and you will know that I am the Lord.”

---

After Ezekiel’s prophecies against Israel & Judah, the Lord gives him prophecies against the surrounding kingdoms, including Ammon, Moab, Edom, Philisia & Tyre. It’s not clear to me, but these are those lands that the Lord either maneuvered the Israelites through & around on their way to the Promised Land and/or those people that were not destroyed by Joshua as he led His people. Either way, all of these pagans have been unsupportive of, unfaithful to, even openly critical of the Israelites. Here, Ezekiel describes the Lord’s anger that the Ammonites celebrated Israel’s downfall, and he prophecies their punishment & destruction.

---

Growing up, my older brother reserved the right to himself to correct me, to punish me. Of course, that applied in the neighborhood – my father had a power monopoly in the household – but no one was allowed to beat up on me without answering to my brother. I read these chapters, and I recall that dynamic; the Lord here says almost the same thing: “I know My people have done wrong, and I will punish them accordingly. You, on the other hand, are not allowed to even celebrate that punishment.” With God, it’s probably just as much a “you-have-no-room-to-talk” reminder as it is a “they’re-My-children-&-I-will-deal-with-them” attitude. Still, it also reminds me of the years of anti-Semitism that I harbored & espoused. For many years, I was downright hateful of Jews – and now I don’t even know why... Not that there’s ever a good reason, but it’s not like I can recall anything that would have prompted such bigotry... (Aside: I held the same kind of prejudice against to many different people; I ask forgiveness for those sins, too... Everyone... Anyone who didn’t look, talk, act like me. An Equal Opportunity Hater. That’s me...) I understand the Lord’s wrath, directed at the Ammonites, Moabites, Edomites, etc., and I am ashamed of my own sin against the Israelites. My repentance isn’t so much out of fear of or respect for God’s righteous anger but because my sin was so pointless & uninformed. Stupid... ...like other sin, too?

---

Dear Lord – Father in heaven & protector, God of Your Chosen people. You are the great and glorious I AM that identified & saved Your people. You are the God of all gods, the protector of an entire race. I am sorry, Lord – truly sorry – for my past sins of bigotry & hatefulness & impatience & everything else. Mostly, Lord, for those feelings & actions against Your chosen people, but also God for those against all people. I don’t think I’ve ever confessed or been sorry before for these things, but I truly am, and I am grateful that you’ve shown this to me. Thank You, Lord, and please help me understand & confess other of my sins in this same way so that I can become more appropriately repentant & whole in Your eyes. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

THE ENCRUSTED POT (SOAP 0141) Ezekiel 24:6a & 11-13 (excerpts from NIV)

2011-02-10T13:28:00.000-08:00

“For this is what the Sovereign Lord says: / “‘Woe to the city of bloodshed, / to the pot now encrusted, / whose deposit will not go away! / ... / “‘Then set the empty pot on the coals / till it becomes hot and its copper glows, / so that its impurities may be melted / and its deposit burned away. / It has frustrated all efforts; its heavy deposit has not been removed, / not even by fire. / “‘Now your impurity is lewdness. Because I tried to cleanse you but you would not be cleansed from your impurity, you will not be clean again until my wrath against you has subsided.’”

---

The Lord uses this is brilliant analogy for Jerusalem, her people & their sin, echoing the false prophets’ description (in Chapter 11) of the city as a “pot” (imagine a large cauldron...) that implied its strength would protect them from the fires of the Babylonian invasion. “Yes,” the Lord says. “Jerusalem is a pot, but it’s been improperly cared for; it is encrusted with scum & filth that cannot be cleaned but only eliminated by fire.” Elsewhere in these passages & chapters, the Lord goes into great detail about the nature of Jerusalem’s sin - including child sacrifice & idol worship, prostitution & adultery & other carnality, greed & lack of charity – but here He sums it up in a powerful word: “lewdness.” That’s not just sexual; it means all kinds of villainy & wickedness, vulgarity & vile commonality. With that one word, the Lord describes the vast extent of Jerusalem’s descent into the unholy.

---

As always, the Lord’s disappointment with sinners falls heavily on me. I frequently try to avoid these passages (like today), but His Spirit guides me to these difficult truths. I’m letting Him down, and I don’t want to face it. Mike Gold’s commentary on this passage really resonated because it parallels my experience. God’s not talking about sudden or incidental sin; He’s referring to deeply ingrained, habitual corrosion of the hearts. I first heard the parable of the sower (Luke 8:5-8) and feared my heart was a path unable to receive the seed; later, I heard the Word but was concerned I’d become like rocky ground where the seed couldn’t put down strong roots or like thorny land where plants couldn’t mature & grow strong. I’ve come to hope & understand that the Lord is preparing my heart just as the sower would prepare the planting field, but I’m impatient because of how ingrained, how habitual, how deeply corroded my heart is. Like Mike, I hear God’s lesson but don’t learn; I know His touch but still rely & fail on my own strength. I know that accepting His Grace is part of the tilling process because it demonstrates surrender, but I also know I must apply myself more diligently to change; I know merely talking about it is hypocrisy.

---

My God, Jehovah-M’Kaddish – Your Glory is in Your sanctity & forgiveness. I deserve neither & am grateful for both. I echo Mike Gold’s prayer, Lord: Please help me not to let the scum & rust of my sin float through my heart. Help me to be less a fool & to continue in my hope in Christ; help me to seek You & yield to You. I shudder in fear because Your anger is justified, but I shudder more deeply in fear of my own hypocrisy. Please bathe me in Your purifying fire, Lord; change my heart & deliver me to Your purposes. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

TAKE CARE OF THE CHILDREN (SOAP 0140) Ezekiel 20:30b-31a (NIV)

2011-02-07T12:29:00.000-08:00

“Will you defile yourselves the way your ancestors did and lust after their vile images? When you offer your gifts – the sacrifice of your children in the fire – you continue to defile yourselves with all your idols to this day.”

---

Ezekiel tells how the Israelite elders came to him to “inquire of the Lord” – to talk with God, I imagine, and ask for His support. Before they’re even able to get their requests out on the table, God chastises them. Quickly, He runs through the many, many generations to which He offered protection & support, that He guarded & led, that ultimately ignored Him. He reminds the elders that He “withheld [His] hand” many times and many times promised to care for His people, if only they would follow His laws. Ultimately, He gets to this rhetorical question: Are these leaders any different from those of generations passed? No, the Lord says; they show how they continue to defile themselves by continuing sacrifice their own children to their ungodly idols. So, the Lord will not even entertain their request...

---

This is truly a horrid story, but the scary thing is it’s not changed in the 2,500+ years since Ezekiel prophesied – and we should pay heed. America used to be a Godly nation; the United States was founded by God-loving & -fearing men who understood the Lord’s Grace & Blessings. I really don’t know how long it’s been, but it’s at least the last 50 years, and we’re doing the same thing the Israelites did. We’re sacrificing our children on the alters of our own idols, we’re giving up their lives for the sake of our own selfishness. Our gods may not be Baal & Molech, but Mammon (i.e., Money) is really no different. And even though we don’t talk of Asherah any more, we’re still locked into this despicable fascination with all things sexual. These things are killing our culture, robbing our children of their future & of their relationship with the Lord. I’m not talking politics here; I’m talking about the general decline of our culture & society. We need to stop being so selfish; we need to learn to listen to God – not because He says, “Don’t!” but because He knows what’s best for us, our children and our futures.

---

Heavenly Father, Jehovah-Tsidkenu – I know Your righteousness & Your love; I have experienced the wonder of Your Grace. I also know Your patience is not limitless; I know there are prices to be paid for our sin. Please forgive me, Lord, for the sinful parts I play in the lives of my family & friends & community. Mostly, Lord, please forgive me the selfishness & hypocrisy I still have in me that takes away from my son’s future and my ability to lead & teach him Your ways. Please help me heal, Lord; please deliver me from the enemy who would like nothing better than to destroy my life & the lives of my family & our community’s future. Please give me, Lord, the strength to actually change myself and to change those around me. This I pray in the name of your Son, Jesus Christ, my Savior. Amen.

RETUN TO THE LORD (SOAP 0139) Ezekiel 18:31-32 (NIV)

2011-02-06T08:42:00.000-08:00

“Rid yourselves of all the offenses you have committed, and get a new heart and a new spirit. Why will you die, people of Israel? For I take no pleasure in the death of anyone, declares the Sovereign Lord. Repent and live!”

---

After his prophesies about the conquest & exile, Ezekiel shares three allegories: Chapter 16 is about Jerusalem as an adulterous wife; chapter 17 uses two eagles & a vine to illustrate what happens to kings & generals who break their oaths; chapter 18 promises that sinners will be held accountable for their sin but their righteous sons will live in the Lord. Through Ezekiel, the Lord convicts the Israelites. He shows how unfaithful they’ve been, how they’ve broken their covenant. To His credit, God doesn’t remind them of the number of times they promised to live with Him & follow Him and then simply walked away from those vows. But, throughout these chapters, His frustration, His anger, and mostly His broken heart are palpable. ...And then, after all of that, come these words – yet another invitation from the God of gods to be saved. What kind of generosity is that???

---

The Lord’s story of the adulterous wife (Ezekiel 16) touched me deeply because I’ve seen His side of things. No; the Trophy Wife never strayed, but the Red Situation was replete with cheating & lying & all that goes with it. Horrible years, filled with jealousy & insecurity & rage. Reading chapter 16, I understood how God could see me as that kind of unfaithful lover. I’ve not been honest with Him; I’ve not belonged to only Him, and He could despise me for that. Why shouldn’t He? Even since I’ve been saved, I’ve continued to sin – turning to smut & self-abuse and succumbing to fits of anger and simply gossiping & disrespecting others – and I frequently do so (like last night & this morning) without so much as a firm struggle against temptation. I just give in to the flesh, knowing full well how much my infidelity hurts my Lord, my Dad. I remember clearly those Red Situation years; I remember begging God for understanding. “If she really loves me, then why does she do this?” Why shouldn’t God ask the same of me? Why shouldn’t He doubt me, too? If I really love Him, then why...? ...But He offers forgiveness; He offers His new covenant; He offered His Son. Oh, how He loves...

---

Father God, Abba – Jehovah-Rophe, You are healing & forgiveness. Not only do You offer them, provide them; You created them; You are them. Just now, I’ve spent some time going back over past posts where I’ve talked about my sin, my need for forgiveness & my position relative to You. I look at my on-going sinful nature, and a part of me is self-condemning, but another part (Your Spirit?) tells me not to be. Father... Abba... Dad: I’m so grateful You’re here with me; I’m so grateful You’re teaching me. Please help me talk better with You so I can continue to grow without condemnation & despair, so I can be with You & enjoy the fruits of our relationship & Your love! Please deliver me, Lord, from these demons that crush my spirit with self-doubt & -recrimination because I know those things, too, keep me from truly living in You with the new heart & spirit You promise. Live in me, Lord, so that I can live in You. This is my prayer in the name of Your son, my Lord & Savior, Jesus Christ. Amen.

IGNORING EVIDENCE (SOAP 0138) Ezekiel 14:3 (NIV)

2011-01-03T14:27:00.000-08:00

“Son of man, these men have set up idols in their hearts and put wicked stumbling blocks before their faces. Should I let them inquire of Me at all?”

---

The Babylonian conquest is complete. The Israelites are devastated, most of them being carted off to Babylon as slaves. The ones who remain are servants of Nebuchadnezzar’s governors & conquering army; they will live in abject poverty & despair. The only hope they have is for the Lord’s salvation, but their leaders, their priests & royalty, have turned from Him – which is why the Lord let Israel & Judah fall in the first place. Ezekiel has been speaking; the Lord has revealed to them their error, but they continue to ignore, they continue to follow their own minds and the ways of the pagans. It’s amazing how they can be faced with their sin & the consequences of it, but they continue to ignore the evidence that they need to change, they need to return to the Lord. ...And the Lord asks the pertinent question: If they don’t believe, if they refuse to obey, if they’re only looking for a quick out, then should He even bother to listen to them?

---

Oh, how often do I do this? God has been so good to me. He has – literally – saved my life & given me more chances to change my ways than I could ever deserve, but I still just waste it, squander it, ignore Him & His will. How – really, how? – am I different from the elders of Israel to whom Ezekiel prophesied? How many different idols do I have in my heart that block out my view of God? I can name them – lust & greed & pride – but does that do any good? No matter how close & think I’m coming to know the Lord, I keep finding myself turning away, ignoring Him, pursuing my own sinful ways. It’s worse, I think, than what Paul wrote; I start to sin, then I hear the Spirit, and I ignore Him; I ignore God. Sometimes, I don’t even bother feeling guilty about it afterwards. ...But then, it builds up; the guilt & separation overtake me, and I turn back to Him. But does this make me a hypocrite? Lazy? Cursed? Some time ago, I wrote that I believe I’ve been saved. Now, I believe I need to be healed. Lord? Will You help me with that?

---

Heavenly Father – Only You can sanctify; only You can save. Yours is the entire glory; Yours is all the power. I honor & adore You – not because You are righteous but because You loved me first & You deserve only the good things from my heart. Is that enough? Are my tears of shame sufficient? Please, Father God, help me overcome my sinful, lustful, prideful nature. Please, Lord, help me be healed. I cannot do any of these things, these necessary cures, without You. I cannot do any of it – except continue to descend into the depths of my filthy inclinations – without You. I’m sorry – again – Lord for turning from You for so long. You are my rock & my redeemer. Thank You for being here for me & with me again. Still. I love You always & beg You to lift me up so I can do better in Your eyes. This is my prayer today & for always, in Jesus’ Holy & Glorious Name. Amen.

PRAYER Press "Play"

2010-11-06T14:45:00.000-07:00

[it's the green button]

What can I do with my obsession,
With the things I cannot see?
Is there madness in my being?
Is it the wind that moves the trees?

Sometimes You're further than the moon;
Sometimes You're closer than my skin.
And You surround me like a winter fog;
You've come and burned me with a kiss.

And my heart burns for You.
And my heart burns, yeah, for You.

And I'm so filthy with my sin;
I carry pride like a disease.
You know I'm stubborn, Lord, and I'm longing to be close.
You burn me deeper than I know.

And I feel lonely without hope.
And I feel desperate without vision.
You wrap around me like a winter coat;
You come and free me like a bird.

And my heart burns for You.
You, Lord.
Any my heart, oh, it burns for You.
Only You.
And my heart, oh, it burns for You.
You, Lord.
And my heart burns, yeah, Lord, for You.
For You.

And my heart burns, oh, it burns for You.
You, Lord.
And my heart, oh, it burns for You.
For You, You...

Oh, hey, hey, yeah...

And my heart burns for You.

My love for You
My heart for You
My life for You
All I am for You
My love for You
My heart for You
My life for You
All I am for You
Love
Love for You

-- Martin Smith, 1995

as recorded by the David Crowder Band (2002)

I love You, Lord.

I don’t love You well enough or deep enough or complete enough, but – with Your help & patience – I’m learning.

Thank You.

THE EXILE REVISITED (SOAP 0137) Ezekiel 12:1-2 (NIV)

2010-11-06T11:51:00.000-07:00

The word of the Lord came to me: “Son of man, you are living among a rebellious people. They have eyes to see but do not see and ears to hear but do not hear, for they are a rebellious people.”

---

It’s almost funny how we almost always believe that we have time to continue in our sinful ways, how we don’t need to change what we’re doing when the Lord tells us. “No,” we tell ourselves. “The Lord’s judgment, wrath & punishment will come later. We’ll have time to fix this later...” After showing to Ezekiel – in great & painful detail – the sin of Israel & Judah, the Lord tells him to demonstrate their future, to show them how they will enter into exile at the hands of their Babylonian conquerors. Again in great detail, the Lord tells Ezekiel how to pack his belongings & leave Jerusalem, and He tells Ezekiel how the Israelites will question him and doubt his answers. Ezekiel will explain that he’s doing what God told him, that he is a sign of the coming exile because of the Hebrews’ great sin, and the people will doubt that anything bad is about to happen. They will say that Ezekiel’s prophesy (if it is, indeed a prophesy) is about the distant future; the Lord tells Ezekiel that there will be no more delays, that the conquest & ensuing misery will happen now.

---

As I read this chapter, these verses spoke to me as prophetic for my country. I live in a land of rebellious people with eyes that don’t see & ears that don’t hear. In much the same way as the Israelites of Jerusalem, they refuse to believe that the judgement of the Lord is nearly upon them. Worse yet, many have completely rejected the Lord & deny not only His judgement but His entire existence. But as I began to write this post, I realized that, in many ways, these verses speak more personally to me. I, too, am still rebellious; although I believe (or profess to believe) that I see & hear the Lord, I continue to live in sin; I continue to ignore the Holy Spirit’s call and pursue my will, my sinful ways. That disobedience is always about this all-consuming Unholy Trinity – me, myself & I – whether it’s my lust, my covetousness, my anger; it’s always about things of the earth or flesh. Disobedience that makes for a rebellious nature, that shows a preference for me over God. How messed up is that?

---

Dear Lord, Heavenly Father – Despite my frequent actions that suggest the contrary, I truly do honor & love You in my heart & my mind. I am undisciplined & vulgar, Lord, and I know that those are not excuses. I get older, I learn, and I realize that I cannot change without You; I need Your support & help. This post started out about rebellion & disobedience, but it’s changed in my heart. As I wrote, David Crowder’s cover of Martin Smith's “Obsession” came on, I heard him sing, “My heart burns for You,” and I long for that. I read the lyrics, and I see (again) the wonder of Your wisdom & glory. This song is a prayer; it’s one of my prayers, and I offer it to You, Lord, in the name of Jesus, my savior. Please save me from exile. Please fill me with that love, that longing, that burning for You, Your Glory & Your Will. Amen.

BUMPER CROP (SOAP 0136) Mark 4:14 (NIV)

2010-10-28T13:41:00.001-07:00

“The farmer sows the Word.”

---

Jesus explains the parable of the sower and how seed grows in some earth & not in others, revealing parts played by the enemy, selfishness, worry. Only true faith produces good crop.

---

I used to worry that my heart was too hard, my ego too big, my intellect too strong for a life worthy of producing much. I’m learning, though, that God is a great farmer, conditioning the soil of my soul, and I need to worry about only sharing the crop He’s growing in me.

---

Father God, Abba – You are the great Lord of Forgiveness & Love. I know I don’t deserve Your attention, but You are patiently tilling the ground of my heart. Please make the crop of my love for You abundant in me so You can use it to feed others. In Jesus name, I pray. Amen.

RIGHTEOUS ANGER (SOAP 0135) Mark 3:5a (NIV)

2010-10-28T13:39:00.001-07:00

He looked around at them in anger and [was] deeply distressed at their stubborn hearts...

---

In the synagogue, Jesus asks the Pharisees if the Law allows us to do good on the Sabbath, implying that doing nothing may be evil. Their silence angers Him because it reveals that they’re more concerned about being right than they are about doing right. They want to be in charge, and strict adherence to rules allows that; they can’t let compassion get in the way.

---

I curse my short temper, and friends sometimes remind me that Jesus got angry, as if it’s OK to get mad because He did... I read this passage, know the Lord’s anger, and see it as righteous – a far cry from mine. I get angry over me – a challenge to my opinion or authority, a question about what I think or say or do. Jesus never got mad about those things; He was angry & “deeply distressed” at the Pharisees’ lack of compassion for another man. He knew their hearts, and it broke His. Righteous anger is unselfish & puts God’s Kingdom first.

---

Heavenly Father, Jehovah-Tsidkenu – You are the only Righteous One; by Your Grace, I can learn to put compassion & understanding before the selfishness & ego that always stand in my way. Thank You for the blessings You’ve given me; please help me always keep first in mind Your Righteous & the Love of Your Son, my Savior, Jesus Christ, in whose Name I pray. Amen.

THE DOING IN DARKNESS (SOAP 0134) Ezekiel 8:12-13 (NIV)

2010-10-28T12:10:00.000-07:00

He said to me, “Son of man, have you seen what the elders of the house of Israel are doing in the darkness, each at the shrine of his own idol? They say, ‘The Lord does not see us; the Lord has forsaken the land.’” Again, He said, “You will see them doing things that are even more detestable.”

---

Fortunately, the Bible doesn’t always go into great detail about some of the things we do that anger the Lord. Earlier in the Old Testament, we learn how God adamantly instructed Joshua to eradicate the pagans that lived in Canaan, but Joshua doesn’t detail the practices that so angered God. Baal & Molech & Asherah worshipers did more than merely ignore the Lord Jehovah. They were more than simply deviants & perverts; they practiced forced prostitution & sexual slavery. They went beyond simple sun & fire worship; they murdered (i.e., “sacrificed”) children. God told Joshua to eliminate them because of this evil & because He knew that their religion, if allowed to survive, would corrupt the Israelites. In this passage, Ezekiel is given a glimpse into otherwise secret world of the Hebrew religious leaders, the goings-on in the darkness, the “more detestable” things that are happening right inside God’s own house. And Ezekiel hears the priests justify their secrecy by saying the Lord doesn’t see, presumably because He doesn’t care...

---

It’s important to remember that sin isn’t “sin” because it’s “wrong.” Sin is “sin” because God knows it – whatever “it” is – is not good for us. He didn’t say, “Don’t do that” because He’s an egotistical control freak; He said, “Don’t do that” for the same reason we teach our two-year-olds not to put their hands on the stove: It’s probably not good for us. I have to remember to know I’m doing wrong, I’m sinning, I’m doing something that’s not good for me when I’m doing it – whatever “it” is – in the dark or in secret or whatever. I have to remember this not because God doesn’t see (of course, He does) or that because He doesn’t care (of course, He does) but because He knows what’s good for me & what isn’t. More importantly, it’s about obedience. Even when I don’t know or don’t believe that it’s bad (whatever “it” & whatever “bad” are), I have to know I’m doing it in the dark – and that can’t be a good idea.

---

Abba, My God; Jehovah-M’Kaddish – The wonder of Your Power & Glory – revealed by Your Creation – is exceeded only by Your Patience & Grace. I love You, Lord; truly, I do, despite my constant backsliding. Sometimes, I feel almost like a wife-beater, the kind of low-life scum who smacks his woman around & then cries, “I’m sorry, honey; I really love you.” That’s the way I feel I sometimes treat you with my continued sins of lust & anger & arrogance & selfishness – almost all of which I do “in the darkness.” And, still You forgive. Thank You, Lord, and please help me grow better. Please fill me with Your Glorious Holy Spirit & renew my mind so I can honor You first in all my ways and become more like Jesus, in whose Name I pray. Amen.

TAKING ONE SMALL STEP AT A TIME (SOAP 0133) Ezekiel 6:8-10 (NIV)

2010-10-23T09:59:00.001-07:00

“‘But I will spare some, for some of you will escape the sword when you are scattered among the lands and nations. Then in the nations where they have been carried captive, those who escape will remember Me – how I have been grieved by their adulterous hearts, which have turned away from Me, and by their eyes, which have lusted after their idols. They will loathe themselves for the evil they have done and for all their detestable practices. And they will know that I am the Lord; I did not threaten in vain to bring this calamity on them.’”

---

The Lord is telling Ezekiel how the Babylonian exile will play out, how the unfaithful, sinful Israelites will suffer. The descriptions continue to be horrific, the prophesies terrifying. I knew that the Hebrews had sinned against God for many generations, but I hand’t done the math & was surprised that it had been nearly 400 years since the house of Israel had turned from the Lord. That means that they’d begun to stray almost immediately upon the death of Solomon & the split from the house of Judah. I’m not sure if that’s significant, but it does demonstrate how long it’s been & how patient is the Lord. Moreover, Ezekiel’s prophesy demonstrates God’s forgiveness because He promises some will escape, turn back to Him & understand (and loathe) the things they had done to bring His discipline on them.

---

I’m not a Jew; I’m certainly not a 6th century BC Hebrew. Even though there’s no way for me to know the horror Ezekiel & the others in Canaan suffered, I’m still comforted to know that God makes plans for those who learn to loathe the evil they have done. Many times in this journal, I’ve talked about hating my own sin & trying to get past it. Sometimes, I’m afraid I’ve fallen into condemnation, where I do not accept God’s Grace; I’m afraid that the despair that drives that is a sin in & of itself. Today, I’m not doing that; instead, I’m grateful to the Lord for teaching me; I’m grateful for the learning & growth He’s brought to me. In the past, I didn’t care that what I did was wrong. Now, I not only regret & loathe my past sins, there are those that I cannot imagine ever committing again. That must be growth; that must reflect the beginnings of the changes God is making in me. In other words, I do know that He is the Lord & the calamities of my life (however minor compared to those of the conquered Jews) have not been in vain.

---

Heavenly Father; Jehovah-Tsidkenu – You are truly Glorious & Righteous in Your Message & Word & all of Creation. I haven’t words now to describe the soaring love & honor I have for You for bringing me to this lesson. Thank You, thanks to Your Spirit, Jehovah-Shalom, for filling me with Your Peace & some semblance of understanding. I know I have a long way to go; I have a lot to change. But right now, I sense Your presence in the words I’ve just written. The application of Your Word in my life didn’t occur to me until I started typing; You revealed Your Truth as I created this page. Thank You. Please help me continue to understand You & continue to grow so that I can live the life You have planned for me. In Jesus’ Holy & Glorious name, I pray. Amen.

TASTING THE SWEET WILL OF GOD (SOAP 0132) Ezekiel 3:3 (NIV)

2010-10-14T07:30:00.000-07:00

Then [the Lord] said to me, “Son of man, eat this scroll I am giving you and fill your stomach with it.” So I ate it, and it tasted as sweet as honey in my mouth.”

---

I love the way Ezekiel just jumps into his book describing the wild prophetic visions he had. He’s specific about the date & location, but he doesn’t bother with telling us anything he was doing at the time. Vivid, cinematic descriptions of the things he saw & heard, the creatures that descended from heaven & the sounds they made. Interestingly enough, he doesn’t describe his own reaction (other than to fall face-down at the “appearance of the Glory of the Lord,” (1:28b)); he describes no fear or hesitancy – although he must have experienced both because God reminds him several times not to be afraid & not to delay or procrastinate. Despite the wild, extraordinary, supernatural vision, Ezekiel is very matter-of-fact about what he saw & heard. I expect he’ll be similarly matter-of-fact as his story goes on...

---

Clearly, the scroll Ezekiel ate contained the words of the Lord’s prophesy; what a wonderful way for Ezekiel to get them, consume them, know them & be able to share them. “It tasted as sweet as honey...” What a wonderful image! This is how I want to see, feel, taste & learn the Lord’s Word; this is a lesson for me in reading & studying every day. I’m still – over two years into it – working my way through the Bible; I’ve got less than 300 pages to go. It’s taking me quite a while mostly because I don’t read every day – which was my plan when I started. This morning, I prayed the Lord would re-fill me with the desire to do His will, to study His Word, to become passionate about working to His Glory. I do lots of things with the idea of doing good, doing God’s work, but I frequently forget that I’m doing them to glorify God. That’s a failing, and the same it true when it comes to reading, learning, consuming His Word. On the one hand, it’s to understand Him & know Him better & deepen my relationship with HIm. On the other hand, it has to be for His glory, not mine. Then, I’m certain, it will taste sweet as honey in my mouth while it fills my stomach & my mind & my heart & my soul with knowledge of & love for Him.

---

Jehovah-Shammah, my God & Holy Spirit – As Ezekiel described, You are Glorious beyond understanding, wondrous & mighty beyond all compare. More importantly – whether or not I actually see or sense You, You are always right here, right now. For that, Lord, I love You and want to honor You more clearly, more completely than I do. I’m sorry that I do so much, God, that does not start out with the idea in my head & my heart that I am working for Your Glory. Even the little, simple things that I do every day, I need to refocus. It doesn’t even mean I will do them differently; it just means that I need to think about them differently, consider my efforts differently, consider You when I work and especially when I accomplish. Thank You, Lord, for this reminder, this revelation today. Thank You for patiently teaching me & revealing to me (again) Your purpose for me. Please help me remember; please help me focus. You are the One I want to love completely; You are the One about Whom I want to be passionate; You are the One to Whom I give my life. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.

COMPASSION IN THE FACE OF PAIN (SOAP 0131) Lamentations 3:22-26 (NIV)

2010-10-12T08:39:00.000-07:00

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, / for His compassions never fail. / They are new every morning; / great is Your faithfulness. / I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; / therefore I will wait for Him.” / The Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him, / to the one who seeks Him; / it is good to wait quietly / for the salvation of the Lord.

---

Lamentations is a harsh, hard book; it is deeply difficult to read because it encapsulates the devastation – not just of the physical, worldly, flesh of Jerusalem & the Hebrew people, but of Jeremiah’s heart in the face of it all. Jeremiah describes the Babylonians’ nearly apocalyptic destruction, the inhumanity, the waste. He cries over the survivors & gives us mere glimpses into otherwise unimaginable the horrors. (“With their own hands,” he tells at 4:10, “compassionate women have cooked their own children, who became their food when my people were destroyed.”) At once, Jeremiah is racked with sorrow – guilt, even? – but there is nothing for him to do but pray. In the midst of it all, are these lines, these beautiful, wonderful lines of hope & promise, celebrating God’s endless love and great faithfulness, and reiterating Jeremiah’s own promise to wait for Him.

---

Google “Lamentations 3:22-26,” and wonder at the variety found in the results. There are references to funerals, depression, even marriages. It’s a kind of all-purpose, redemptive, supportive scripture, and I mean that in no way irreverently. Usually, when I read scripture like this, I recall my own sin & brokenness, but there’s something about this passage that broadens that perspective. This isn’t just about Jeremiah & his pain; Lamentations is a song for all the Hebrew people and for all of us who are suffering & experiencing separation from the Lord. The pain the Israelites experienced was not brought about by God – Israel’s sin opened the door for Nebuchadnezzar’s army & the utter destruction it wrought – but, even though God sometimes (when we don’t listen, when we disobey) removes His protection, He always loves & will always return. I know this for myself, but I know it also for my family, my church & my people...

---

Lord God, Jehovah-Tsidkenu – You are always righteous, the only true righteous One. I know Your Truth and praise Your Name in Truth. Your ways, Your leadership, Your guiding hand truly are all I need. Then, Lord, I know everything will be all right. Because of this & because You love us, I love You. Lord, I’m sorry for these times when I continue to disobey, when I forget – through laziness or inattention or failure of will – to look for You in all I do, when I fail to live in Your will & praise Your Name. Please guide me, Lord; please bless me with Your Holy Spirit to guide me, my Jehovah-Rohe, my Shepherd. Help me not only seek Your face; help me, allow me to find You. This is my prayer every day, in Jesus’ name. Amen.

...AND A PRAYER FOR EVERYONE ELSE (SOAP 0130) Jeremiah 50:33-34 (NIV)

2010-10-11T06:45:00.000-07:00

This is what the Lord Almighty says: / “The people of Israel are oppressed, / and the people of Judah as well. / All their captors hold them fast, / refusing to let them go. / Yet their Redeemer is strong; the Lord Almighty is His name. / He will vigorously defend their cause / so that He may bring rest to their land, / but unrest to those who live in Babylon.”

---

Jeremiah’s prophesies about the various falls of the various kingdoms surrounding (and occupying) Israel are lengthy & specific. Even though, throughout his book, the Lord has talked about how Nebuchadnezzar & his army will overtake & destroy Judah, almost as if He is using the Babylonians as tools against the Israelites. (Of course, we know that’s not true; the Lord does not do bad things or even enable them; He’s just removed His protection from Israel as a consequence of their sin.) Here, He reiterates His promise to restore the people of Israel & Judah; He assures them He will return them to the land & restore them to their rightful place in it & in Him.

---

The line of this passage that really strikes me is the last. Not only will the Lord restore the people of Judah & Israel, not only will he remove them from their oppression & slavery, but He will allow unrest to be brought to those who have abused them. I’m only beginning to learn a bit more about end times, but I know that many of the signs / prophecies are happening now. Israel has been reestablished, and God’s people are returning to the land. This is one of the important signs, and it is something to which we should be paying close attention. When the end times come, it will be difficult, devastating, horrifying for those who do not believe, those who have not accepted Christ. It will be worse, I think, for those who have oppressed, tortured the Jews. We should pray for their redemption, their salvation; we should pray that they look to the One and Only True God – for their own sakes.

---

Dear God – I lift You up in praise & gratefulness. You, Lord, are Jehovah – You are God of all things, mighty & righteous & glorious. I continue to be convicted, Lord, by imperfection in my faith, which is usually manifested by my unworthy thoughts & behaviors. Yet, you continue to forgive me & accept me into Your embrace. As always, I am sorry, Lord, for missing the opportunities You’ve given me to love You properly & completely; as always, I am grateful for the times when You’ve welcomed me back to You. My prayer today, Lord, is that You give all Your enemies the same chance, the same consideration. My prayer, Lord, is that You reach out to those – particularly those in the broader regions of Canaan & Assyria & Persia but also people throughout the world – who have rejected You, who have tormented Your people, who have brought the evil You warned would happen. Turn their heads, Lord; call their names. Bring them home to Your salvation & bring peace to earth in our time. And, if not, Lord, then let Your will be done to Your glory... In Jesus name, I pray. Amen.

A PRAYER FOR ISRAEL (SOAP 0129) Jeremiah 46:27-28 (NIV)

2010-10-04T12:11:00.000-07:00

“Do not fear, O Jacob My servant; / do not be dismayed, O Israel. / I will surely save you out of a distant place, / your descendants from the land of their exile. / Jacob will again have peace and security, / and no one will make him afraid. / Do not fear, O Jacob My servant, / for I am with you,” declares the Lord. / “Though I completely destroy all the nations / among which I scatter you, / I will not completely destroy you. / I will discipline you but only with justice; / I will not let you go entirely unpunished.”

---

Jeremiah approaches the end of his book and prophesies by kingdom. Through him, the Lord speaks about each of the powers that will conquer & inhabit Canaan, the Promised Land, and tells what will befall them. God & Jeremiah are fairly specific – it’s amazing to look at these writings through the lens of history, to remember when Jeremiah wrote them, and to note how accurate they were. God promises, and He keeps His promises... Which is the point of today’s verses: Once again, the Lord of the Hebrews promises He will care for His chosen people. Yes, He will discipline them – just as He always warned when they misbehaved – “but only with justice,” and He will “save [them] ... from the land of their exile.” God’s chosen people were scattered to the nations for many generations, but we are witnessing now their return to their ancestral land; we are seeing God make good on His covenant...

---

Fascinating that I read these passages today after having just heard, yesterday, from a pastor who is dedicated to the Christians for Israel international ministry. What a wonderful sermon he delivered yesterday, and then I experience Jeremiah’s 2500-year-old prophesy today. Yes, we Christians need to be attuned toGod’s love of His people; we Christians need to support the Hebrews, the Israelites. The biggest thing I gathered yesterday had little to do with the End Times points the pastor made; instead, it was that we need to remember how blessed we are that God, through Jesus, made His covenant available to all. Before Jesus, there was no hope for the gentile; before Jesus there was only life on earth and then eternal death. Even if that death was black nothingness (i.e., no hell, no fire, no damnation), it’s a death separate from God. But Jesus offered us hope for an eternity with Him & with the Father by sharing the opportunity given to His people.

---

Dear God – You are truly a wonderful & loving God. Thank You for the gifts You provide every day. Thank You for sending Your Son to save us, to make eternal life with You possible. I was convicted yesterday by the pastor & today by Jeremiah’s prophesy for my past bigotry against Your chosen people. I am sorry for those thoughts & times, Lord; they dishonor You & Jesus, Your Son & my Savior. I am so grateful, Lord, that You have opened my eyes & are conforming my mind & heart to Your Glorious ways. Please, Lord, help me & all the nations of gentiles worldwide to support Israel. Help us bring Peace to Your city, Jerusalem. Help us live like, to be like Jesus; please fill me with Your Glorious & Wonderful Holy Spirit so I can walk in Your Love & Righteousness like He did, in whose name I pray. Amen.

“THERE’S THE RUB...” (SOAP 0128) Jeremiah 43:1-7 (excerpts from NIV)

2010-09-25T11:09:00.000-07:00

When Jeremiah finished telling them ... everything the Lord had sent him to tell them, ... all the arrogant men said to [him], “You are lying! The Lord our God has not sent you to say, ‘You must not go to Egypt to settle there.’”... So ... all the people disobeyed the Lord’s command to stay in the land of Judah. Instead, ... they entered Egypt in disobedience to the Lord and went as far as Tahpenhes.

---

As I wrote yesterday in “The Only Favorable Thing,” it’s kind of dangerous to have a preference (as the remnant leaders admitted they had) when promising to do whatever the Lord tells you. In Jeremiah 42, you can almost see it coming when the army officers ask Jeremiah to prophesy; you can almost guarantee they’re not going to hear what they like and then decide to do what they want. I think the clue is that they say they’ll obey the Lord, whether His commands are “favorable or unfavorable.” ...Later, the remnants claim reasons for not believing Jeremiah; they tells of how other idols haven’t let them down (suggesting that God has...), but that doesn’t explain why they asked for Jeremiah’s prophesy & the Lord’s guidance in the first place... That’s the part I’m not sure I get: When you ask for His guidance, isn’t whatever answer you get “favorable?” As Hamlet said, “There’s the rub...”

---

The long & short of it is: Disobedience is disobedience. I’ve pretty much given up trying to rationalize that I have good reasons for doing something other than what the Lord says. My obedience may be inconvenient, or I may be impatient, or I maybe just can’t help myself, but all of those sound like really lame excuses when offered up as reasons for my sin – just like the “arrogant men” saying that Jeremiah is lying. Lookit: I know what the Lord wants; sometimes, I find it really difficult to do it because it’s not the same as what I want. (“Aye,” said Hamlet, “there’s the rub...”) The solution is I need to keep in mind that what He wants me to do is what’s best for me over the long run, whether I can see it or not. What I need to keep in mind is He requires me to obey Him because He said so. And that is discipline...

---

Heavenly Father, Lord of Lords – I praise You for Your wisdom & righteousness. You are the God of Righteousness; only You know what is all right & proper & good for me & all of us. You define good & evil; You know how we can achieve true happiness – by living in You. I’m sorry, Lord, for all of the times of arrogance & selfishness where I disobey, but I am very grateful for the efforts You are taking to teach me. My temptations are still strong, but I know I cannot claim (like Jeremiah’s “arrogant men” tried to) that I don’t believe Your words, Your will. I believe I know what You want; when I’m not sure, I believe I know how to find out. I trust, Lord, that You let me know Your will; more importantly, I trust that You help me live according to it so I can glorify You. This is always my prayer, in Jesus’ name. Amen.

THE ONLY FAVORABLE THING (SOAP 0127) Jeremiah 42:1-5 (excerpts from NIV)

2010-09-23T09:23:00.000-07:00

[The army officers said to Jeremiah,] “Please hear our petition and pray to the Lord your God for this entire remnant. ... Pray that the Lord your God will tell us where we should go and what we should do. ... May the Lord be a true and faithful witness against us if we do not act in accordance with everything the Lord your God sends you to tell us. Whether it is favorable or unfavorable, we will obey the Lord our God, to whom we are sending you, so that it will go well with us, for we will obey the Lord our God.”

---

Nebuchadnezzar’s defeat of Judah is complete; Zedekiah’s puppet reign is over, and he’s been carted off to Babylon; the first post-invasion assassination has happened – Gedeliah, Babylon’s governor, was murdered by Ishmael & his followers – and avenged by the remaining army officers, including Johanan & Jezaniah. But these officers are afraid of Nebuchadnezzar and the repercussions stemming from Ishmael’s treachery, so they’re considering taking a band of surviving Israelites to Egypt. They’ll hide out & settle there, raise their families, and hope (because Egypt & Babylon are hardly friends) they’re allowed to stay in peace. Before they leave, they go go Jeremiah for the Lord’s guidance. I love this unqualified promise: “We’ll do whatever He says.” Sounds good – it’s always good to obey the Lord – but it’s probably not a good idea to make such a vow if you’ve got any kind of preference...

---

Being in the will of God, it seems to me, isn’t so much about just obedience – about doing what He wants – as it is simply trusting Him. Last night, we talked about this in context of Jesus’ comments in Matthew 6 about storing up treasures in heaven & about not worrying about your life. Living God’s will means we accept whatever happens – minute-by-minute – and are satisfied & gratified by all He does. Wow... Where did I ever learn anything different? Where did I learn to worry? ...The lesson of Jeremiah 42 isn’t that we should be careful what we promise God; it’s that we need to always trust Him. When the “remnant” swears to obey the Lord, “whether it is favorable or unfavorable,” they’ve got it wrong because they’re missing a key element of trust: Whatever the Lord tells us is favorable. If we feel otherwise, then it’s time to examine our own thinking...

---

Father God – You are truly wondrous, glorious, fabulous. I haven’t the words to properly honor & praise You, which makes this time so special. You are beyond my vocabulary; my love for You is greater than mere words. Lord: I am so sorry that it is taking me so long to trust You as completely as I know I must. I’m so sorry that I keep putting my desires for this world, my preferences before You. That is serving something before You. My only preference should be, must be to serve You. Your will is the only “favorable” thing. Please continue to guide me; please bring me completely into Your will & bring Your will completely into me. Thank you for everything You do for, with & through me. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.

BRAVERY BEFORE OBEDIENCE (SOAP 0126) Jeremiah 39:15-18 (NIV)

2010-09-21T15:04:00.001-07:00

While Jeremiah had been confined in the courtyard of the guard, the word of the Lord came to him: “Go and tell Ebed-Melech the Cushite, ‘This is what the Lord Almighty, the God of Israel, says: I am about to fulfill my words against this city through disaster, not prosperity. At that time they will be fulfilled before your eyes. But I will rescue you on that day, declares the Lord; you will not be handed over to those you fear. I will save you; you will not fall by the sword but will escape with your life, because you trust in me, declares the Lord.’”

---

Jeremiah had already told King Zedekiah not to fight Nebuchadnezzar but to surrender & be spared. Predictably, Zedekiah held out another year-and-a-half and then ran away; when he was caught & brought to Nebuchadnezzar, the massacre was horrible. Here, God’s head’s-up reassures Ebed-Melech that he will be saved because of his trust in the Lord. Jeremiah witnesses all these things; frequently, he’s sure his prophesies won’t be heeded. He told Zedekiah, “Even if I did give you counsel, you would not listen to me” (38:15b). All that the Israelites & Jerusalem are going through are lessons that Jeremiah is cataloging & reporting – and they seem pretty clear. It’s amazing how easy it is for the people to ignore these lessons (and be destroyed) & how difficult it is to pay attention (and be rescued).

---

What’s harder: Hearing God? Or doing what He wants? I know people (me included) who claim that they don’t know God’s will, but I submit (and admit) that we know quite well what He wants. It’s all right there in the Bible. We often say we don’t know, but that’s usually just an excuse for not doing what we don’t want to do. It’s frequently an excuse for not trusting the Lord. Trusting Him is sometimes even harder than the actual doing of what He wants. Sometimes, trusting requires bravery before obedience. I’m not good at that because, frequently, I’m a coward. I’m afraid things won’t work out the way I want, or I’ll be embarrassed or hurt in some other way, or I’ll be physically injured or even die. Why should any of those things scare me? Why shouldn’t I, like Jeremiah, learn to trust the Lord, put my faith in Him, rely on Him, and surrender to Him? Wouldn’t that just be easier?

---

Dear Abba – You are my guide & my shepherd; the only One Who knows what is always best for me. Jehovah-Robi, You lead me & protect me; I need only to let You. The must frustrating times for me, Lord, is when I know I’m disobeying You, when I consciously step out of Your will – I imagine that, if You got frustrated, those would be the most frustrating for you, too. I’m sorry for letting You down, Lord, for not staying surrendered. I really do want to know & do Your will; I really do want to live & stay close to You. Thank You, Father God, for helping me be brave – even when only a little is required – so I can better obey. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.

‘FREEDOM’ FROM THE LORD (SOAP 0125) Jeremiah 34:17 (NIV)

2010-09-20T08:04:00.000-07:00

“Therefore, this is what the Lord says: You have not obeyed Me; you have not proclaimed freedom for your fellow countrymen. So I now proclaim ‘freedom’ for you, declares the Lord – ‘freedom’ to fall by the sword, plague and famine. I will make you abhorrent to all the kingdoms of the earth.”

---

This is the culmination of a great lesson in choice & self-determination. As Judah is falling to the Babylonian onslaught, King Zedekiah declares freedom for all Hebrew slaves – part of the Lord’s instruction for jubilee – but the slaveholders backed out & re-enslaved the bonded people. Reading the entire passage, I can almost see the Lord throw up His hands in frustration, saying, “This is something I told you generations ago. You disrespect & dishonor Me by not following My teaching; you profane My name by first agreeing & then turning back.” The Lord literally says, “Enough is enough. If you insist on being ‘free’ to do things your way, then you’re ‘free’ to handle the effects.” It’s important to understand that it’s not God who imposes the consequences; He just steps back & removes His protection, saying, “I get it. You want to do things your way. Go ahead. It’s your life; I won’t force you to listen to Me.”

---

Several clear points here: (1) Jubilee was designed to keep us from getting too far into debt. When you forgive all debts every seven years, you’re probably not going to lend anything that can’t be paid back on time, so borrowers learn to live within their means, to say “No” to the “I wants” (an idea from which Americans can benefit). (2) The Lord wants only good things for us, which is why He gave us the guidance in the first place. Think of the recent pain & suffering that could have been avoided in America if we’d heeded this lesson in the first place. (3) We are free to do what we want. God wants relationship with us, but He will not force it on us. We need to want it, too, but it has to be on His terms; He won’t be involved in anything He knows is bad for us. He teaches; if we follow, He blesses. (4) Our choices have consequences. We’re free to ignore God – after all, if we can’t choose not to follow Him, there’s little meaning in it when we do – but if we do what He warns us not to, then we run the risk of Him saying, “OK. I warned you. Now, you’re on your own.” For years, I lived my life disregarding to His lessons; like a petulant child, I thought I knew better. So have most people in America. Hopefully, we can all get our minds right; hopefully, the Lord will help us conform to His ways so we can live in His blessing again.

---

Heavenly Father, Jehovah-Tsidkenu – You are the only One who is Righteous; Your lessons & guidance are all we really need. I’m sorry for all those times when I ignored You – whether over money, material things, love & lust, people, anger, pride. I know You know all that is good & want the best for us. Thank You for revealing these lessons & for helping me learn them & live them. I don’t want to be “free” from You. Please send Your Holy Spirit to help me, to conform my mind to Your will so that I can avoid the enemy’s temptations & learn to better live in Your design. Thank You, Lord, for loving me. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.

PROMISE OF NEW DAYS (SOAP 0124) Jeremiah 31:27-34 (excerpts from NIV)

2010-09-18T10:03:00.000-07:00

“The days are coming,” declares the Lord, “when ... people will no longer say, / ‘The fathers have eaten sour grapes, / and the children’s teeth are set on edge.’ / Instead, everyone will die for his own sin; whoever eats sour grapes – his own teeth will be set on edge. / ... / I will make a new covenant. / ... / I will put My law in their minds / and write it on their hearts. / I will be their God, / and they will be My people. / No longer will a man teach his neighbor, / or a man his brother, saying, ‘Know the Lord,’ / because they will all know Me, / from the least of them to the greatest,” declares the Lord. / “For I will forgive their wickedness / and will remember their sins no more.”

---

As all of Judah falls to the Babylonians, Jeremiah passes on the Lord’s promises. It’s almost as if God is saying, “Don’t worry. I know it looks bad now, but it’s temporary.” Sometimes it’s difficult to reconcile a loving, fatherly image of God with the angry, wrathful Lord of the Old Testament, but He’s there. I know that I sometimes get mad – really mad – with the Cueball & have to punish him. This isn’t because I’m mean or vindictive. It’s because he needs correction; he needs to learn that the choices he makes have consequences. Babylon’s conquest of Judah results from decades, generations of disobedience. Note: God’s not hurting the Israelites; Nebuchadnezzar is doing that. Their punishment is the removal of the Lord’s protection, and He’s reassuring them, just like I might reassure the Cueball: “It’s hard, but you need to suffer through it. It’s going to seem like forever, but, when you’ve learned from it, we’ll forget all about it and have a wonderful time together.” Bible commentators discuss these passages in context both of Jesus’ life & the end of days, but I’m not sure the difference matters much to me. I just love the promises that God will forget all the things I’ve done wrong before & inscribe directly to my heart.

---

There’s so much here for which I am grateful. As noted, I am buoyed by the promises to know & love God better. Moreover, there is so much freedom & redemption in the removal of the generational curse. I know so much of my sin, so many of my “issues” come from how I was raised, the pathologies learned from my parents & my past. But others are not responsible for me or my sin; I don’t have to live under their curses. My promise, my life, my love is in God, and I can celebrate my relationship with Him and the way He touches my heart & leads me to a deeper understanding of His Love & Grace.

---

Father God, Abba, Jehovah-M’kaddesh – Only You can forgive my sins; only You, in Your Glory & Grace, can make me clean & whole again. Lord: I’m sorry for the emptiness that continues to inhabit my heart; I’m sorry for the pride that still rules in place of love. So much of my anger comes from not being able to control others; that is pride. These are hold-overs from my past, my need for significance in others. I know my strength & love are in You and from You. Please help me find & reside in them so this pride & anger no longer rule me. Then, Lord, I can be Your ambassador in all that I do with others. In Jesus name, I pray. Amen.

REVEAL YOUR PLANS, LORD (SOAP 0123) Jeremiah 29:11-13 (NIV)

2010-09-17T15:58:00.001-07:00

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart.”

---

The Israelites have been carried off into Babylonian exile. Their lands are overrun; their riches plundered; their kings & queens held hostage or dead. Many of their (false) prophets are predicting a short period of tribulation, and Jeremiah’s is the lone voice (from God) telling them that this is not going to be easy. It won’t be a period like that in Egypt, one that lasted centuries, but it is going to last several generations. Jeremiah tells the Israelites, from the Lord, to make themselves as comfortable as they can, to do the best for their families, to be patient. God reassures them, through Jeremiah, that He will bring them back, but it will only be after a period long enough for them & their leaders to really get the point. Then, God says, He will restore them – He will restore them when they turn to Him and really mean it. He won’t be able to ignore them...

---

This has been one of my favorite verses for some time, but I don’t think I’ve truly appreciated it. It’s amazing how the Lord works... ...I’ve known of His promise, of His reminder that He knows what He plans for us / me. But I’ve not really taken it seriously until now. I truly feel like I’ve taken a turn, like I’ve truly turned to Him in prayer & love with all my heart. And I truly feel like I’m seeking Him, and, as a result, I’m finding Him. My prayer time earlier today was more like Communion; I really knew He was right here, and I knew the Holy Spirit. Because, I think, I’m really searching; I’m really trying to know Him with all my heart. I know He knows me; I know He will reveal His plans for me because they are good plans & they will help me glorify Him. I can’t wait...

---

Dear Great & Glorious Lord, my Abba – You are my wondrous Jehovah-Tsidkenu, my God of Righteousness. Thank You for showing me what is Right, for helping me find You. I cannot do any of these things on my own, Lord; I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to even begin to understand. Some days, I can hear You transforming my mind; I can feel You changing my heart. I want all days to be like today, Lord; I want only to serve You, and I pray that You will put me to that purpose. Let me know Your design, Your plans for me, so that I can pursue them, so that I can live in Your will & Glorify You. I offer this prayer & my service & heart, Lord, in Jesus‘ name. Amen.

TERMS OF EXILE (SOAP 0122) Jeremiah 27:19-22 (NIV)

2010-09-16T22:00:00.000-07:00

“For this is what the Lord Almighty says about the pillars, the Sea, the movable stands and the other furnishings that are left in this city, which Nebuchadnezzar king of Babylon did not take away when he carried Jehoiachin son of Jehoiakim king of Judah into exile from Jerusalem to Babylon, along with all the nobles of Judah and Jerusalem – yes, this is what the Lord Almighty, the God of Israel, says about the things that are left in the house of the Lord and in the palace of the king of Judah and in Jerusalem: ‘They will be taken to Babylon and there they will remain until the day I come for them,’ declares the Lord. ‘Then I will bring them back and restore them to this place.’”

---

More warnings from Jeremiah to the people of Israel that they need to be careful about listening to false prophets. Quoting the Lord, Jeremiah tells them that they need to surrender completely to Nebuchadnezzar before the Lord will restore them. Interesting that the conversation about restoration has to do with the stuff of palaces & the temple; important that it’s the Lord who will bring all that stuff back to Israel...

---

I don’t really know why this particular verse spoke to me... I know that it’s about surrender & obedience. It must have been humiliating for Jehoiachin & the Israelite “nobles” to subject themselves to this foreign, pagan king. And they’d placed so much value & importance on the trappings of their positions... God’s punishment is absolute, and He’s reminding them that He’s in complete control – of them & of all the stuff that makes them who they are. This is always an important lesson for me to hear, but not just for my sake; it is also valuable to the sake of our country & leadership...

---

Dear Heavenly Father – I’ve just finished an interesting prayer time with You, Lord. You are Great & Glorious, and I praise & honor You for all You’ve done for all time & for all You are doing in my life. I confess, Lord, that I don’t know or fully appreciate the prayer time we just spent. Some feels like a dream, so I worry that exhaustion & inattention kept me from You; however, I also feel such peace & comfort. I know I was with You, and I know You are always with me. Thank You, Lord. You are teaching me to surrender, as the Israelites should have known. You are teaching me which things should properly be important – they are all things of You & Your kingdom, not things of this earth. Thank You, Lord for helping me; I always want to be & feel this close to You, and I always want to share this with others. I celebrate You, in the name of the One who went to the Cross for all of us so that we can do just that – celebrate You. Amen.

ALL ABOUT “MORE” (SOAP 0121) Jeremiah 22:15-16 (NIV)

2010-09-15T13:12:00.000-07:00

“Does it make you a king / to have more and more cedar? / Did not your father have food and drink? / He did what was right and just, / so all went well with him. / He defended the cause of the poor and the needy, / and so all went well. / Is that not what it means to know Me?” / declares the Lord.

---

God appears to get angrier & angrier with the people of Judah & Jerusalem as He speaks to Jeremiah about them. I know what that’s like. When I get on a roll, all of the past just comes tumbling out, and I feel like it’s just a flood. Here, He issues judgement against the evil kings (specifically Shallum, son of Josiah) for the sins they’ve committed over the years. In addition to their worship of Baal and other gods, their self-aggrandizement & covetousness have the Lord very mad. He demands to know how these kings are doing what He wants them to do; you can hear the sarcasm as He demands, “Are you a king because you’ve got more stuff?” And aren’t these two sins things related? Isn’t covetousness – the acquisition of stuff – just another kind of idol worship? Fact of the matter is, anything that comes between us & God – including those things that come between us & what God wants for & from us – is sinful. I understand that Old Testament anger that Jeremiah describes, but I’m not sure it’s even about whether God is angry or not. All of this is sinful because it separates us from God. Is that what we want? Is all of this other stuff more important than our relationship with Him?

---

It occurs to me once again that all of my sin is – at its core – selfishness. It’s all about that Unholy Trinity: Me, Myself & I. Covetousness is wanting – and stealing is taking – for myself those things that God’s not given me. Lying is about making myself look better than I am. Adultery is about my sexual satisfaction. Murder is about appeasing my anger... Etc., etc., etc. These things separate me from God because they get in the way of my relationship with Him – which is Christianity 101, isn’t it? ...So why do I still do it? Why am I still focused on “Me, first” and not on what my Lord wants from me? I can see so clearly the selfishness in others, but I still find ways to rationalize & justify my own...

---

Dear Heavenly Father – Your Creation is vast & stupendous & more than sufficient for my needs. There is wonder & pleasure & staggering wealth at every turn. All I need to do is look outside myself & see the beauty with which You’ve blessed us all, and I am immediately rich in You. Still, Lord, I’m distracted & obsessed with those things I do not have – many of which I do not need; virtually all of them keep me from attending to my relationship with You & from doing those things which I know You want me to do. Thank You for Your patient guidance; thank You for Your Word & lessons; thank You for Your Son, who has saved me from my past & on-going sin, and who I truly want to – and, only with the help of Your Holy Spirit, will only be able to – serve the way He deserves. It is in His name, Jesus Christ, my Savior, that I pray today & always. Amen.

JEREMIAH’S LAMENT (SOAP 0120) Jeremiah 20:9 (NIV)

2010-09-14T08:38:00.000-07:00

But if I say, “I will not mention Him / or speak any more in His name,” / His Word is in my heart like a fire, / a fire shut up in my bones. / I am weary of holding it in; / indeed, I cannot.

---

Admittedly, I’m taking this entire verse out of context. In his “lament,” Jeremiah complains of the troubles he has with the leaders & citizens of Israel whenever he prophesies as the Lord commands him. In large part, it seems Jeremiah would prefer to not have to talk at all. It’s not that he doesn’t appreciate the message; he would just prefer to not be the messenger. Here, though, he explains why he can’t simply shut up. He tries to keep the Lord’s warnings to himself, but they are too much for Jeremiah to bear; he just can’t stop himself from proclaiming the God’s words. I guess in Jeremiah’s case, this isn’t such a good thing. He ends up getting the tar beaten out of him, thrown in the stocks, tormented & tortured. Here, we see the other side of the prophet’s call to God.

---

Given what I’ve just acknowledged about how prophets tend to be treated, this is going to sound a little weird, so let me be clear: I don’t think I’m interested in being a prophet; I don’t think I’m cut out for the kind of life Jeremiah was living back in the days of King Zedekiah, and I shudder to think how prophets are treated today... That said, I am moved by Jeremiah’s description that the Lord’s “Word [was] in [his] heart like a fire, a fire shut up in [his] bones” that he can’t hold in. Sometimes, I understand this feeling; I am so moved by God and the things I am learning, the ways I am changing, and I want to tell people about it; I want to share it. Other times, though, it feels like it’s my sin that burns from inside, that makes me weary for trying to hold it in. The desires eat at me steadily, bringing my mind back to those things I know I shouldn’t do. Today, I don’t want to focus on the lust or anger that so challenge me. Today, I want to focus on Jeremiah’s description of the Lord’s Word on his heart – a description I would enjoy sharing in some larger part than I do today. This is the kind of relationship I hope for in the Lord; this is the connection I want to have with Him because this is the love I long for.

---

Lord God, my Father; Abba – I love You for Your Glorious Creation, Your protection, Your faith in me & Your Love. You are the most wonderful, and I am so very grateful for knowing You. Thank You for bringing me into Your world of light. As always, Lord, I am sorry for the times I allow myself to be distracted; I’m sorry for the lust & anger I feel that I seem to be unable to control. Please fill me with Your Spirit, Lord, and teach me to hate my sin the way You do; re-fill me with that overwhelming desire to share my love of You with others, my commitment to You. Not only do I wish to become more open, but I want to lead others – particularly the Cueball & the Trophy Wife – by my example, and I know that I cannot become that example without Your guidance, love & without the Holy Spirit within me. Lord, please hear my prayer today & every day offered in the name of Jesus Christ, Your Son & my Savior. Amen.

ALWAYS TRUSTING IN THE LORD (SOAP 0119) Jeremiah 17:7-8 (NIV)

2010-09-13T10:20:00.000-07:00

[God said,] “...Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, / whose confidence is in Him. / He will be like a tree planted by the water / that sends out its roots by the stream. / It does not fear when heat comes; / its leaves are always green. / It has no worries in a year of drought / and never fails to bear fruit.”

---

In this chapter, Jeremiah & the Lord discuss the people of Judah & how they have been behaving toward God and idols. It didn’t occur to me that rejection of the Lord, the turning to idols is necessarily about trust, but that’s the context here. I guess I always thought of it as convenience or preference; the idols speak to a part of our humanity that is common & base but that satisfies the flesh. I know that’s been true in my case. But here, the Lord puts it in the perspective of trust – which is accurate. When we trust the Lord, He provides all we need to be satisfied; when we are satisfied, we aren’t looking at those things of the flesh that He tells us to avoid. (Which He does not because He doesn’t want us to have a fulfilled & happy life but because He knows those things are hurtful to us.) Trust is key here. He expects us to trust Him always; that kind of trust takes time – like a tree sending out its roots – so that we are well-positioned to rely on Him, drink from His waters, during tough times.

---

For many years, my “trust” – my focus, my preference, my impulses / reflexes – was on things of this world, things of the flesh. I trusted my satisfaction to transitory things – the next concert or movie or TV show, the next drink or smoke, the next orgasm; I didn’t put my trust in God. There’s a part of me that excuses: “I didn’t know about God,” and that’s a bit true. I wasn’t raised appropriately in any church; I wasn’t exposed properly to the promises & blessings of the Lord. (Maybe this is one reason that Pastor Cliff suggests I may be too hard on myself...) Whether or not that’s true, I know the Lord now; I know I can & must trust Him for all my needs & desires. Most important, I know I must trust that He will make sure that what is done is done for the best... ...Today, I am still worried about the results of my blood test, the elevated PSA levels. I’ve asked for prayers – not necessarily for healing (although, if I need to be healed, I pray the Lord makes me well) – but to remove the worry. I pray for trust in Him & the peace that comes from knowing He wants nothing but the best for all of us. I don’t have a lot of experience here, so I know my roots aren’t very deep, but I also know God will help me trust in Him for this and for all things...

---

Dear Father God – You are Glorious in Your Power & Your Love. When I consider & understand my small place in the midst of the wonder of all of Your Creation, I am truly fearful, but Your Love makes me whole. I am sorry, Lord, for all those times when I put my trust anywhere else, when I forgot You. My prayer, Lord, is that You fill me with Your Holy Spirit so that I better look to You, always be with You, ever trust You. These are the best ways, today, for me to show You my love for You, Your Spirit, and Your Son, my Lord & Savior Jesus Christ, in whose name I pray. Amen.

SEPARATION & RESTORATION (SOAP 0118) Jeremiah 15:19 (NIV)

2010-09-12T08:47:00.000-07:00

Therefore this is what the Lord says: / “If you repent, I will restore you / that you may serve me; / if you utter worthy, not worthless, words, / you will be My spokesman. / Let this people turn to you, / but you must not turn to them.”

---

Man, is the Lord angry with Judah! Early in this chapter, He tells Jeremiah that He would not protect the people of Judah even if Moses & Samuel begged His mercies. Jeremiah is distraught, reminding God that he (Jeremiah) had been faithful, that his behavior had been right; he begs God’s mercy & protection from his enemies. God’s response is, “Of course I’ll protect you when you’re doing my good work!” And, though His reply to Jeremiah is for & about Jeremiah, I believe it’s intended for all of Judah and all of us. The Lord promises us that He will put us to good use when we are truly sorry for those things we’ve done wrong; He will support us & “restore” us to our previous favor. Then, God tells us, we must not turn to those who are not in Him; we must not be conformed to them, influenced by them. Instead, we must let them turn to us – which they will do, when they see the example we lead & are attracted to Christ within us.

---

I know – as I begin again to restore my attitude, my position relative to God, each time I turn back to Him – that I will be tempted to turn back to people & ways of the world, the flesh. It always happens, and I frequently find it incredibly difficult to resist temptation. My prayers are not empty, or worthless. I pray for myself, but I also pray deeply for my family & my church; by focusing outward, I hope to demonstrate to the Lord & myself the depth of my re-renewed commitment to Him (again). It seems so silly that I keep coming back to this kind of place, but I know that I fall outside of God’s intentions for me; I know I need to repent & turn back. Last week, Pastor Cliff looked at me with that twinkle he gets and asked, “You’re hard on yourself, aren’t you?” The implication was clear: he was telling me to lighten up a little, and it’s good advice. Still, I know – with the Lord’s help – I can do better, and the first step is trusting in Him, surrendering to Him & turning from the world, the flesh. He will – and always He does – restore me; I will live in Him & love Him & serve Him.

---

Heavenly Father, Abba – You are Jehovah-Tsidkenu, the God of all Righteousness, so I know You are the One I must follow. I honor You, Lord, because of that Righteousness and love You, Lord, because You love me & sanctify me & protect me & heal me. Thank You, Lord, for Your forgiveness, and thank You for protecting & providing for my family – the Trophy Wife & the Cueball. Please protect, too, my mother & brothers, none of whom know You. Protect them anyway, Lord, and fill me with Your Spirit so I can live according to Your ways & demonstrate the love & peace You provide so that they can see You in me & ultimately turn to You. This is my prayer, in the name of my Savior, Jesus Christ. Amen.

JEREMIAH'S PRAYER & SALVATION (SOAP 0117) Jeremiah 10:23-24 & 12:3a (NIV)

2010-09-10T14:07:00.000-07:00

I know, O Lord, that a man’s life is not his own; / it is not for man to direct his steps. / Correct me, Lord, but only with justice – / not in Your anger, / lest You reduce me to nothing...

Yet You know me, O Lord; / You see me and test my thoughts about You...

---

At the beginning of his prayer (10:23-24), Jeremiah asks God for correction, but without the anger the Lord has reserved for (and is so deserved by) the rest of Israel. Later, after he’s learned of the plot against him, Jeremiah again asks the Lord to separate him from the those at whom God is angry; Jeremiah understands that God knows his heart & thoughts. These truly represent Jeremiah’s faith – and, through it, his salvation. First, he acknowledges his place in Creation & God’s place as the Lord – the director of our path, the dispenser of justice, the bearer of righteous anger – and he also understands that God can utterly destroy him. Later, he demonstrates the depth of his faith. He reminds the Lord that He knows Jeremiah: “You see me and test my thoughts about You...” Jeremiah knows his thoughts & heart toward God are clear & pure, else he wouldn’t call the Lord’s attention to them. And, for all this, God is faithful to Jeremiah...

---

I wasn’t exactly sure where I was going with this, but it’s turning out to be a solid prayer for me. Intellectually, I know that God is in charge and that His justice is just that: just & fair, deserved. I also know that God can simply destroy me – and I’m grateful that He hasn't (although I’m still not sure I fully grasp the whole idea of unconditional love, which is the only thing that stops Him...). So, where does that leave me with this... I want to move past “intellectually.” I want to, like Jeremiah, know & trust in my heart that my thoughts & love toward God can stand His test. I’ve decided in my mind to love God; now I want it to be with every ounce of my heart & soul. I think, then, I will be better positioned to live in His Grace and Love than I’ve ever been before...

---

My Dear, Sweet, Lord – Your greatest Creation is Love. You are Love. I so honor & worship You because of that, and I am always (and still) so sorry for those times when I turn from You and, instead, pursue the flesh, those ugly, nasty, secret things of this world. I’ve been too consumed recently, Lord, by my lusts & then separate from You in my guilt. I’m sorry for that and am grateful for You filling me with Your welcoming Love. My prayer to You, Jehovah-Rophe, is for my continued healing – in body, in mind, in spirit – so that I can best know You and be certain in Your knowledge of me, so that I can best love & serve You. Please hear my prayer & understand my heart, both of which I offer You in Jesus’ name. Amen.

MY BANNER: JEHOVAH-NISSI (SOAP 0116) Jeremiah 9:23-24 (NIV)

2010-09-10T13:10:00.000-07:00

This is what the Lord says: / “Let not the wise man boast of his wisdom / or the strong man boast of his strength / or the rich man boast of his riches, / but let him who boasts boast about this: / that he understands and knows Me, / that I am the Lord, Who exercises kindness, / justice and righteousness on earth, / for in these I delight,” declares the Lord.

---

Here, again, Jeremiah prophesies the downfall of Israel; I think it’s just a detail that it is Babylon that overruns the Tribes. What’s caused this destruction – which God promises will be near-total, with those who forsook Him “eat[ing] bitter food and drink[ing] poisoned water, scatter[ed] ... among nations ... and pursue[d] ... with the sword until [they are destroyed]” – is their disobedience, their refusal to obey. They face this future, and the Lord gives them yet another chance but counsels them to be careful who they follow. Those who follow God know their wisdom & strength & wealth come from Him; they honor Him by acknowledging & glorifying Him. This who know God know that He is the source of all good things. Here, God tells us not to waive our own flags, toot our own horns. Here, God tells us to raise His banner of victory, to brag about our Lord, our God.

---

Just the other day, I thought about the Sicilian. No false / imagined affection; no left-overs from 25 years ago. No self-conscious, half-embarrassed / -hidden faith; no worries about what she’d think of me as a Jesus Freak. Instead, my thought was along the lines of, “It would be cool if she could know Him.” The context, the prompting of this thought doesn’t really matter here. The point is that I’m growing more & more comfortable with the idea of bragging about Him & my understanding that nothing good that I do is mine; it all comes from God. I’ve been blessed in so many ways – the Trophy Wife, the Cueball, the Wonder Dog, a rich & fulfilling upbringing (despite the myriad problems that pale in comparison to those in others’ lives) – and only now am I learning to truly acknowledge & broast about the source of those blessings. Praise the Lord – because the knowing & the boasting just bring me closer to Him, which is where I always want to be.

---

Heavenly Father... Abba... Jehovah-Rophe – You are my great banner because all good things come from You, including the healing touch of Your forgiveness & deliverance. You are my Healer, my Jehovah-Rophe. It is good that You have so many names, and it is better that I should learn them because You deserve all the praise I can offer. Thank You, Lord. Once again, I have been (torturously) sinful, so I have not been attentive to You. I was shamed, but I am now grateful for Your Love and the Peace I receive from You, Jehovah-Shalom. Please accept my gratitude, and please stay with me, Lord. Today, I need You to do the step-work towards my own healing, so my prayers is for Your presence. Then, as I walk through this, I can & will brag about You. Thank You, God, in the name of Jesus, Your Son, my Lord & Savior. Amen.

IT’S ALL ABOUT THE HEART (SOAP 0115) Jeremiah 6:20 (NIV)

2010-08-26T09:16:00.000-07:00

“What do I care about incense from Sheba / or sweet calamus from a distant land? / Your burnt offerings are not acceptable; / your sacrifices do not please Me,” [declares the Lord.]

---

Jeremiah prophesies Babylon’s destruction of Israel, interspersing his visions with the Lord’s words. Once again, Israel’s rejection of God’s ways has brought His anger on the country. I’m not an apologist, but it’s important to consider what the Israelites have done. We’re not talking about simply turning from God, forgetting to keep certain holy days or eating banned foods; we’re talking about wholesale depravity. The Lord warned the Israelites about other gods because the other gods’ demands were/are horrendous & evil. We’re talking drunken orgies, child rape & mutilation, ritual sacrifice of virgins & children – all in the names of these other gods. Compare how Israel was behaving 2600 years ago to the ways we act today: eradication of virtually all cultural standards, pursuit of money & wealth to the exclusion of anything else, the broad distribution of pornography, encouraged (illicit & legal) use of pharmaceuticals, abortion on demand, general lawlessness. We don’t need to look far to see that we’ve backslid as badly or worse than the pre-exile Israelites. And we need pay attention to the Lord’s admonition: Ritualisms won’t help us; He sees through our rote acts & recitations. He is only interested in what is inside our hearts...

---

I write this not as one judging; I’m no Jeremiah, no prophet hearing the voice of God. I’m just a simple man, a sinner who has engaged in all of the depravity I’ve described – and then some. My concern is for my own heart. I often know I’m going to do wrong before I even do it, but I find myself doing it anyway – sometimes without even so much as a struggle against my conscience or the Holy Spirit (both of which remind me of God’s will). How far gone is my own heart? Am I a hypocrite? Am I lazy & weak? Do I really care? ...I guess that’s what the real question is: Do I really care about God & Jesus & my relationship with them? And if I do, why do I continually cross those lines that the Lord drew so clearly? Is my heart so impure? Am I so filled with depravity & evil that I can’t avoid it? ...Well: I’ve changed my thinking. I know that these things are wrong; I know that I want to stop lusting, lying, cheating, being lazy. Now I can only pray that the Lord changes my heart...

---

Daddy. Pappi. Abba – Although I worship You for the greatness of Your creation, Your wonder & power & awesome existence are exceeded only by Your infinite love & forgiveness, I am ashamed that I still struggle with the idea that I do not deserve them. When I turn to You, I want it to be in true contrition, but I am so afraid that my heart is hard & dark & brittle that I don’t know for sure, that I can’t be redeemed. Please, Abba, hear my prayer. Fill me with Your spirit so that I can know, remove my doubts so I can hear Your voice & understand Your will for me. Teach me & support me so I can truly change. Help me be unafraid. Help me love You properly and, most importantly, accept Your love so I can share it with others. This is always my prayer, in the name of Your Son, my Savior, Jesus Christ. Amen.

THE DOWNSIDE INSIDE (SOAP 0114) Jeremiah 2:19 (NIV)

2010-08-25T15:09:00.000-07:00

“Your wickedness will punish you; / your backsliding will rebuke you. / Consider then and realize / how evil and bitter it is for you / when you forsake the Lord your God / and have no awe of Me,” / declares the Lord, / the Lord Almighty.

---

It’s always enthralling / intriguing starting a new book. The Message translation has some very helpful introductions that set the tone & put the new material in context, and Eugene Peterson’s discussion of Jeremiah is a great example. Writing just before the Babylonian exile, Jeremiah warned the Israelites of their coming problems and held up a mirror so they could all see how they contributed to them. These lines are interesting in that the Lord (through Jeremiah) doesn’t say that He will punish or rebuke the Israelites for their wickedness & backsliding; instead, He tells them that their wickedness & backsliding are punishment in and of themselves. Note, too, here how our English translation uses “awe” instead of “fear,” which is somehow consistent with God’s tone. The Lord’s message is clear: Life is evil and bitter when we reject our Father, a loving & protecting God who wants only good things for us. It’s not His doing; it’s just the way life without Him is...

---

This passage resonates because I’ve long accepted that, “Only good things come from God.” I’ll take it a step further: “All good things come from God.” I’m not convinced that all “bad” things come from the enemy, but I can accept the idea that life on its own is hard; it’s vexing & bitter & lonely & rough. In and of itself, that’s neither “good” nor “bad;” it just is. Life with God, on the other hand, is so much sweeter, so much easier. He doesn’t smooth out all the roughness; He doesn’t remove all of the problems. But He makes dealing with them so much simpler. For me, every time I backslide into sin – whether it be anger (like yesterday) or lust (like today) or sloth (frequently) – my day-to-day life becomes bitter, sometimes even evil. I can make all that negativity go away by simply turning to the Lord, by simply walking with Him, simply seeking His face. When I trust in His goodness & forgiveness & love & Grace, then I can be with Him. As I wrote the other day, I can’t do any of this by myself. I have to have Him with me. But that’s the great thing that I want, anyway. How cool is that?

---

Heavenly Father – The infiniteness of Your wisdom was apparent when You created everything; You knew then all I am trying to learn now. You knew that the guidance You give us only leads to happier lives, and You knew that we would ignore You & try to do things our own way. I’m sorry, Lord, for all my backsliding. And I’m doubly, trebly sorry for all those times when Your Holy Spirit prompts me to avoid sin & I actively ignore You – just like I did this morning. Thank You, Lord, for forgiving me; thank You for teaching me. Please, Lord: My prayer is that You send my Helper, Your Spirit, to help me change my way of thinking, to help me fix the brokenness that leads me to sin. Help me see the good that You’re bringing me so I can focus more on knowing & doing Your will and less on my own failures. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.

STRIVING FOR SPIRITUAL POVERTY (SOAP 0113) Isaiah 66:2b (NIV)

2010-08-23T13:46:00.000-07:00

[The Lord says,] “This is the one I esteem: / he who is humble and contrite in spirit, / and trembles at My Word.”

---

Remember: It was Isaiah who described Jesus as “delight[ing] in the fear of the Lord” (11:3), and I wrote about that fear – awe mixed with love & devotion – in “A Place for the Spirit” and described how I experienced it in “Overcoming Pride & Arrogance.” What a wonderful morning that was! What a glorious experience of God’s greatness & love, and what a humbling moment of understanding my place in His Creation & His Heart... Many years after Isaiah, Jesus taught that the “poor in spirit” are blessed (Matthew 5:3), and D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones, in his superb Studies in the Sermon on the Mount, helps us understand that Jesus was talking about our attitudes about ourselves; He looks into our hearts, our spirits. This is all connected: The Lord esteems “he who is humble,” and that person necessarily will be “poor in spirit” and undoubtedly fully understand what it is to “fear ... the Lord” and (with practice) actually “delight” in that fear. Once again – and the Bible is replete with these references – God is concerned with the nature of our hearts; He is attracted to those of us who understand our respective place in His creation; He finds worthy those of us who do not find too much worth in ourselves.

---

Every now & then, I get these flashes of understanding, these insights into my own character. I’m not talking about my actions or thoughts or beliefs; I’m talking about those times when I get it and truly appreciate that I can’t even change the way I think about myself without God’s help. I just had one of those moments earlier today – and they’re so fleeting that it’s difficult to describe only an hour or so later. I want to change; I don’t want to be the selfish, ungrateful, manipulative, rationalizing fiend that I’ve been all my adult life. I want to change because I know those traits are not good for me – I know they’re destructive – and I know they keep me from being close to Jesus. Not only do I know that I can’t change without His help, this morning I grasped (if only for a second) that I only get His help through His Grace. He doesn’t have to do this; He could simply turn away; the only thing I deserve is derision & separation. But He not only accepts me; He offers His hand, His strength, His help. And here’s the real hard part but the real sweet part: It – His acceptance & strength & help – is best at those times when I get it, when I understand how undeserving I am.

---

Dear Jesus – I honor You & our Father for Your joint sacrifice and for the strength You demonstrate in Your Love & Grace. I want to live & love & forgive like You, and I want to pursue our Father the single-minded way You did, the way You showed us. Thank You – again – for the debt You paid for me; thanks be to our Father for the Grace He shows on Your behalf. Please continue to support & help me; please continue to give me the strength I need to live the life You’ve given me – in Peace & Joy & Love of You, honoring You. All of this I pray in Your Holy & Glorious name. Amen.

RE-REDEDICATING TO REJOICE (SOAP 0112) Isaiah 61:10 (NIV)

2010-08-14T13:21:00.000-07:00

I delight greatly in the Lord; / my soul rejoices in my God. / For He has clothed me with garments of salvation / and arrayed me in a robe of righteousness, / as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest, / and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.

---

Google Isaiah 61 to discover a wealth of ministries dedicated to salvation of the poor & afflicted. No matter their individual focus – whether the poor, battered women or abused children, inmates, etc – they all refer to the chapter’s opening lines: “The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, / because the Lord has anointed me / to preach good news...” And it is good news that Isaiah proclaims in this chapter. Speaking in Christ’s voice, he prophesies the New Covenant (v8), and throughout the chapter, he tells of the redemption of the Lord’s people & Zion’s preeminence. Through Isaiah, God uses glorious language to describe the deliverance & return of His people; although no one of Isaiah’s time would have known of Christ’s life & sacrifice, this chapter describes His promises & blessings to come. Toward the end, Isaiah offers this psalm of thanksgiving (concluding with v11), which makes my heart sing.

---

Six weeks have passed since my last celebratory SOAP post. I’d just attended a stellar men’s event & been moved by the speaker (whose background was very similar to mine) and his testimony. My Friday morning group had just begun a book on connecting with Christ & the Father through focused prayer, and I’d resolved to do better in my pursuit of God, Jesus & the Holy Spirit. See my immediately preceding post, “Yet Another Redemption Plea,” for discussion of my fear, my admission that I cannot do it alone & my resulting re-surrender. If only I could report that the intervening weeks had produced the effect to which I’d dedicated myself... Sadly, no. It often seems these dedications prompt a rash of distractions & sin – from a lack of discipline? from hypocrisy? from a possessing demon? from the enemy? – that drive me from the narrow way. Yesterday, I admitted to Little John that I turn from the Lord in shame of my sins, even though I know (intellectually) it’s unnecessary. The enemy wins another battle... But I’ve again decided I’m not going to let that be; I’m not going to let the enemy keep me from my Lord. I not only want to delight greatly in the Lord, I do. And my soul does rejoice in my God, and I am going to pray to Jesus that He stand between me and my enemy so that I am not distracted again. And He will hear my prayer.

---

Lord Jesus – You are my Savior for all time. You were the only Perfect Man; you are the only Perfect Salvation for me. I love You and want to honor You & You alone with my life. I am sorry, Lord – not only for the sins that abuse your sacrifice but for the shame which I let drive me away from You. I know I only need to thank You – so, Thank You! – and I only need to rely on You. This is my plea, my Lord: I want to serve You & only You; I want to keep You first in my mind & my heart & my soul. Please help me do that. Please change my heart – and do it rapidly – so that I can live humbly in You. In Your wondrous & glorious name I pray. Amen.

YET ANOTHER REDEMPTION PLEA (SOAP 0111) Isaiah 59:1-4 (NIV)

2010-06-27T08:17:00.000-07:00

Surely the arm of the Lord is not too short to save, / nor His ear to dull to hear. / But your iniquities have separated / you from your God; / your sins have hidden his face from you, / so that He will not hear. / For your hands are stained with blood, / your fingers with guilt. / Your lips have spoken lies, / and your tongue mutters wicked things. / No one calls for justice; no one pleads his case with integrity. / They rely on empty arguments and speak lies; / they conceive trouble and give birth to evil.

---

Isaiah still confuses me, its purposes jump around nearly as often as its voices. But after God describes His Savior, the text moves on to those things from which we need to be saved. There is lengthy discussion of fasting & the Sabbath – including their purposes & how we observe them incorrectly – and then, in chapter 59, the focus shifts to sin & the need for confession in order to be redeemed. Here, our sin is described relative to God; we’re reminded of what those sins do to our relationship with Him & how we behave when we are covered in them – we give birth to evil because we are separated from our God...

---

For over a year, I’ve been reminded to complete the fourth of the twelve steps, the personal moral inventory. Talking with Lefty McMurphy the other day, he reminded me that he’d suggested I do that a long time ago, and he’s seen nothing from me. I keep putting it off – at first, actively excusing myself & then just ignoring it; the same pattern of passive aggression that I use with all distasteful tasks – but I am also continually frustrated with my inability to grow in the Lord. Yesterday, I listened to a fabulous teaching by an old friend of our church, and he stressed the need of the same thing. Confession is required for redemption; sin hides God’s face from us. Like King David, I want to seek His face, but I claim to now know how; I just prayed that the other day. Today, I understand that seeking His face requires coming clean; it needs that redemption, which requires the confession. I don’t know how long it will take; I don’t know how much I’ll remember or how hard the enemy will work to keep me from it. I only know that I need to do it and that I’ll fail without the Lord’s help.

---

Heavenly Father – Your strength & glory are what I need for to take these next steps in my walk with You; they will keep me on track & protect me from the enemy. I’ve been reticent in pursuing this part – frankly, I’ve been afraid, and I’m terribly sorry for my weakness & fear. But You promised, Lord; You said You would give me the protection & guidance I ask for. So, I’m here to claim Your help, Your guidance, Your strength. I know I cannot do it alone, and I know I have to do it so I can truly walk with You & see Your face. Lord, please help me; send Your Spirit to guide & strengthen me; cover me in Jesus’ redemption while I do this difficult work, but show me the way to true discipline. It’s time, Lord, that I change; it’s time that we do this work together. I love You but don’t know how; I need you to show me. This is my prayer, Lord, because You taught it & promised it to me, and I’m asking, begging, calling, demanding in the name of my Lord & Savior, Jesus Christ. Amen.

FEED YOUR SOUL (SOAP 0110) Isaiah 55:1-2 (NIV)

2010-06-21T06:34:00.000-07:00

“Come, all you who are thirsty, / come to the waters; / and you who have no money, / come, buy and eat! / Come, buy wine and milk / without money and without cost. / Why spend money on what is not bread, / and your labor on what does not satisfy? / Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, / and your soul will delight in the richest of fare.”

---

In the midst of describing His Savior, God breaks into this invitation to all people. This, I think, is the first time that it is revealed that salvation is available to all – Israelites, gentiles, even pagans alike. Later in these chapters, the Lord explicitly addresses non-Hebrews, but here He begins by describing the pointlessness of looking for anything but the water, food & life He offers. This must have been truly remarkable to the Israelites of Isaiah’s time because they were the Lord’s people; they were the Chosen. Why would God extend these blessings to others?

---

So much of my time, effort, and heart is spent on things that do not satisfy. Oh, they feed some immediate need, but they do not truly satisfy in the long term. For a long time, I could say that about my work – which is one reason that I had such difficulty in some of my jobs. I liked what I did, I’m even very good at it, but it doesn’t satisfy deep down; it doesn’t quench that creative thirst I have to drink of things that are completely new. There’s a part of me that wants to create, but that part’s been dormant for so long that I’m afraid I’ve forgotten how to dream, how to pursue that dream. God’s promise here of quenched thirst also contains a promise for the dream itself, something to pursue. I want that; I need it. It is an answer to a prayer.

---

Heavenly Father – You are the author of all our dreams & desires; You are the Great Creator of all that Is, and that includes our own drive to create. I don’t know where or when I lost that drive, Lord; I used to be consumed by it, back when I wasn’t mature enough to understand what I was doing or how I could use it to glorify You. Thank You for forgiving me for those past days; thank You for re-planting & -nurturing that desire in me now. My prayer today, Lord, is that you encourage me, guide me, help me, to take those next steps. You’ve given me the ideas, You’ve teased my imagination. Now, Lord, for Your Glory, please help me actually fguide forgive me those past daysDear Jesus – I don’t believe Isaiah; I don’t believe that You are “without beauty or majesty” because I know You are the most beautiful, the greatest King. You are my Lord & King, and I am never sorry enough for the way I take for granted Your life, Your death, Your sacrifice. Lord Jesus, I thank You not only for that sacrifice, that punishment You endured on my behalf, but for the Grace I receive because of You. The blessings in my life abound as a result of Your Love, and I owe my all to You. Please help me, Lord, keep that Truth in my heart always, and help me live that Truth every second of every minute of every hour of every day. Because I only want to honor You, in whose Holy & Glorious Name I pray. Amen.

JESUS’ BEAUTY & MAJESTY (SOAP 0109) Isaiah 53:4-5 (NIV)

2010-06-19T08:16:00.000-07:00

Surely He took up our infirmities / and carried our sorrows, / yet we considered Him stricken by God, / smitten by Him, and afflicted. / But He was pierced for our transgressions, / He was crushed for our iniquities; / the punishment that brought us peace was upon Him, / and by His wounds we are healed.

---

Among the most famous passages in the Bible, in Christian theology, this description of Jesus appeared more than 700 years before His birth – written in past tense. All of Isaiah’s fourth Suffering Servant song pierces like a knife; it alone is an indictment of not only those how despised & crucified Jesus at the time of His life, but it convicts and moves us today. We need to be sensitive to the descriptions – that Jesus was without “beauty or majesty,” that He was a “despised and rejected ... man of sorrows” - but we need to know & remember & be both grateful & ashamed of this passage.

---

This is a passage I need to remember, to keep close to my heart. I sometimes am awed by the torture He withstood in those last hours, but I frequently forget my part in it. These things that happened to Him, the punishment He took, He didn’t do in some abstract way. He suffered these things because of my cruelty, my impatience, my unforgiveness, my anger, my sin. I love this line, “the punishment that brought us peace was upon Him” – not us – and it is that peace to which I turn regularly. I need to remember this and be more grateful...

---

Dear Jesus – I don’t believe Isaiah; I don’t believe that You are “without beauty or majesty” because I know You are the most beautiful, the greatest King. You are my Lord & King, and I am never sorry enough for the way I take for granted Your life, Your death, Your sacrifice. Lord Jesus, I thank You not only for that sacrifice, that punishment You endured on my behalf, but for the Grace I receive because of You. The blessings in my life abound as a result of Your Love, and I owe my all to You. Please help me, Lord, keep that Truth in my heart always, and help me live that Truth every second of every minute of every hour of every day. Because I only want to honor You, in whose Holy & Glorious Name I pray. Amen.

LIFE LESSONS FROM THE CUEBALL, 4

2010-06-05T14:38:00.000-07:00

Praise the Lord for squirrels.

Never imagined that line would be even the last on my lips. Particularly in the spring before hawks thin the herd, and those rodents’re everywhere: Chit-chittering among crabapple & pecan branches, their redwood nests; thump-thundering across the rooftop they’ve converted to an elevated thoroughfare; skip-skittering their razor talons up, down, sideways along redwood, yellow pine, burnt cedar fences; carving lawn & landscape for magnolia seed they buried last fall; occasionally smooshed in the middle of the road, having lost an argument with Firestone or Goodyear. All the while, twitching both ends (except the smooshed ones), fluffy cat tail & ratty whiskers, unblinking black pellet eyes, endlessly teasing the Wonder Dog, who sits for hours at the full-glass back door awaiting her chance to fail again with no idea what she’d do if she actually caught one.

(A study in contrasts, that: the Wonder Dog, a motionless model of shepherding patience, barely breathing, ever ready, silent, watching; the fruitless, fidgety, raucous vermin; beauty & the tiny beasts that look cute from a distance but are meaner than sin up close.)

But even the meanest vermin serve a purpose in all of creation, so praise the Lord for squirrels.

–––

“I’m certain it’s all about your definition of ‘is.’”

Groans & guffaws. One looks at me and points, a glittering wink in his eye; the other rolls both of his and snorts. The Cueball, off to one side, swivels his head like he’s watching a ping-pong tournament. The other’s wife carries a platter to the kitchen on the way to fetch coffee, and he says,

“Only you could draw that parallel and expect it to make sense.”

“‘Expect?’” I’m incredulous.

“It’s sarcasm,” the one says at the same instant, to which I quickly reply,

“’Tins’t.”

The Cueball moves only his eyes.

“Oh, you can’t be serious,” the one’s wife says, swirling the last swallow of wine, and he says,

“He’s not. He means it’s not sarcasm.” There’s that glittering wink again. He’s onto me.

Topic’s the Bush Doctrine, post 9/11, and an argument’s brewing. Months ago, W told the world to choose sides – US or terrorists. He said,

We will pursue nations that provide aid or safe-haven to terrorism. Every nation, in every region, now has a decision to make. Either you are with us, or you are with the terrorists.

Then he sent troops into Afghanistan & Iraq, and half of Europe declined to play.

Now here we are, stuffed on ribs & sated on wine, in the comfort of our suburban home, enjoying that state of post-epicurean torpor when opinions are like orifices: as numerous & about as functional. The one criticizing Bush’s uncontrolled cowboy mentality and the other pinning the need of it to Clinton’s uncontrollable willie.

“‘Is you with us, or is you agin us?’” The affected Texas drawl about as effective as either White House’s foreign policy.

A fan of neither, I diffuse with the quip, “I’m certain it’s all about your definition of ‘is,’” juxtaposing Clinton’s ability to parse thought with Bush’s willingness to avoid it.

The exchange has taken less than 20 seconds, starting with an ill-timed pun (aren’t they all?) aimed at Bush’s approval ratings, and the Cueball has watched from the sidelines. He’s in his jammers waiting for Dad to put him to bed.

“Be careful out there,” comes from nearby the sink.

“I am,” I say at the same time coffee emerges from the kitchen, quoting:

“‘Sarcasm is the lowest form of humour.’” She’s balancing too many cups.

“‘But the highest form of wit,’” her husband finishes. “Oscar Wilde.”

“It’s not sarcasm,” I insist, and the first one nods.

“It’s irony,” he says.

“No,” says the sink. “It’s dry humor.” Stretched out like a bad soliloquy – drryyy – the quotes surround the word audibly. “Thinks he’s British.”

Ouch.

“What’s the difference?” Cup carefully placed on placemat.

“Sarcasm expresses contempt,” her husband asserts at the same time I say,

“Sarcasm is evil.”

She glances at me but questions him while the others, including the Cueball, wait.

“And he wasn’t being contemptuous?”

“‘Contemptible,’ maybe.” From the sink; the others snicker.

The one husband ignores the sink & answers his wife: “Not so much.” I shake my head imperceptibly; he plows on. “Irony is more incongruous than satire, less obvious. A connection between things not readily connected.”

She dismisses the distinctionless difference and looks at me.

“Why is sarcasm evil?”

Twinkles all over the table, eyes flashing in the stilling dusklight. I’m unsure if from humor, interest or wine. The Cueball’s silent patience is less commendable than notable; he’ll do almost anything to avoid bed at a time like this.

“Evil men make their tongues as sharp as a serpent’s,” I paraphrase. “The poison of vipers is on their lips.”

She looks at me blankly as the sink calls, “Show off.”

“Psalm 140,” I say, and the empty wineglass weighs in,

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”

A chorus of “woooo”s, and she cites, “Ephesians, chapter 4.”

“Well,” coffee’s on the table, and she’s reclaiming her chair. “I’m sure I don’t get the difference. It’s all just wisecracking to me.”

“Bravo!” from the sink as the Cueball finally speaks up.

“Dad?” I look at him. “What’s ‘dry humor?’” He’s heard that accusation before.

All eyes are on me. There are those opinions again, but this time only mine counts. The wisdom of pre-school has put me on the hot seat.

“Well,” I start slowly. “With dry humor, you’re not told what’s supposed to be funny. There’s no set-up, there’s no ba-dum-bump, no obvious punchline. Just something that doesn’t quite fit, and, because it doesn’t fit, it’s funny.”

I can tell he’s not getting it. He’s just looking at me. Waiting for the punchline, I guess.

“OK,” I say. “Here’s an example.” He blinks. “You wanna hear a knock-knock joke?” He nods, and I say, “OK. You start.”

He doesn’t hesitate: “Knock-knock?”

I reply: “Who’s there?”

Quickly glance around the table. A warning. No one moves.

The Cueball stands there, looking at me. Slowly, I let the corners of my mouth turn toward a grin. He stares. I smile.

He stares some more, and everyone one in the room can see the lightbulb start to come on, like someone inside his head is thumbing up the dimmer switch.

“Ohhhh!” It’s fun to watch the Cueball get it. It fills him up from the bottom of his round cheeks until it brightens his blue-green eyes. “I get it!”

I smile and nod. I can see that he does.

“Dry humor,” he exclaims, “is when only you think you’re funny!”

It’s many years before I live that one down.

–––

Yep. Nuts ‘n’ trees ‘n’ all that. Without squirrels, forests would be pretty small places, indeed.

Praise the Lord.

ABOUT FAITH IN THE DARK (SOAP 0108) Isaiah 50:10 (excerpts from NIV)

2010-05-15T12:16:00.000-07:00

Who among you fears the Lord / and obeys the word of His servant? / Let him who walks in the dark, / who has no light, / trust in the name of the Lord / and rely on his God.

---

Once again, Isaiah presents challenges. Sliding into the 50th chapter, I’m horrified to realize I have no idea who’s speaking. Is this Isaiah? Israel at large? The Lord Himself? Turns out (starting in chapter 49, at least) it’s a kind of conversation between Jesus & His Father. Jesus’ thoughts / perspectives on His life, ministry & last days on earth; He talks to us & God. God replies (most everything inside the quotation marks is Him) and tells us about what’s coming. My heart breaks at Jesus’ lament in 49:4 (“I have labored to no purpose; / I have spent my strength in vain and for nothing.”), but it’s facing the Sanhedrin & Romans in 50:6-9 that is truly moving & inspiring. Only through the faith He relates in 50:10 – the kind that allows us to follow the Lord in the dark, by His light and not our own – that He could do that. It’s through that faith that we’re called to live.

---

I’ve frequently expressed frustration at my apparent inability to (as the Catholics put it) avoid the near occasions of sin & live in my beliefs; I’ve wondered if God gets frustrated with me, too. I’m still unsure, but I’ve been blessed by two ideas that help with redemption / Grace. A friend expressed the same kind of hesitance – that, when we sin (which is a turning from God), we find it difficult to come back to Him, to ask His forgiveness & accept His Grace; we experience a self-imposed distancing from the Lord. My friend told of a pastor who said (in love), “You just don’t get it. Do you know what God sees when He looks at you?” My friend (and I) admitted ignorance; the answer came: “Jesus.” Boy, that choked me up... Then, the Professor shared his “Seven Pillars of Faith,” the third of which involves our absolute belief in our redemption; there’s no need to question or doubt. “Doubt your doubts,” the Professor teaches. Even as faith applies to redemption, we have to walk in the Lord’s light, relying solely on Him. That in and of itself is sufficient reason to celebrate, to Glorify Him.

---

Heavenly Father – Your Strength, Power, Wisdom & Love are awesome. You are strong enough to bear not only my sin but my doubts – even when they are of Your love. I am so sorry, Lord, for my continued obstinacy, my (seemingly endless) backsliding. Thank You for Your continued Grace and the lessons You send to me through others. As some have reminded me over the past week, I can celebrate the progress I’m making because my old self – the one that died & has been replaced by the self born in You – would never have recognized any of these things. I truly love & worship You, Lord, even if I don’t show it, even if my heart forgets it. I long to love You properly; I long to love properly – the way Jesus taught. That is my humble prayer today, Father God. Please fill me with Your Spirit to that my heart can be softened, so You can teach me to Love extravagantly with complete forgiveness & with the power that comes only from You. I ask this in the name of Your Son, my Lord & Savior, Jesus Christ. Amen.

SURRENDER, RELIANCE & PEACE (SOAP 0107) Isaiah 48:17b-18 & 48:22 (excerpts from NIV)

2010-05-08T10:23:00.000-07:00

“I am the Lord your God, / who teaches you what is best for you, / who directs you in the way you should go. / If only you had paid attention to my commands, / your peace would have been like a river, / your righteousness like the waves of the sea. / ... / There is no peace,” says the Lord, “for the wicked.”

---

Isaiah teaches about problems stemming from idol worship, prophesies Babylon’s fall (due, at least in part, to idolatry), predicts the Israelites will have problems if they don’t separate from Babylonian idols, but assures they can be delivered (from the Babylonians and their sin), and reminds them of their special place in God’s Creation. It’s not all about idol worship, but that’s a significant core of Isaiah’s message. Once again, there’s a bit of sarcasm in God’s voice, particularly in chapter 46, when He reminds the Israelites of what He’s done & invites them to compare Him to other “gods.” In the chapter 48 verses above, I can almost hear frustration when the Lord says, “You should have listened to me...” Interesting how we tend to remember those times when we don’t obey. Why can’t we focus on those times when we do? Look at God did for Abraham...

---

This recurring theme frustrates me beyond belief. I often look at what I write, what I do, what I believe, and wonder if God doesn’t get frustrated with me, too. On one hand, I don’t suppose He does. God is love; only good things come from Him; He understands, loves & supports me. Still, He knows that I know that only He is Lord, and yet I still don’t do what’s best. Sometimes I feel like a petulant child – deciding to do what I want despite what the Lord teaches; other times, I just feel like a failure – when I can’t accomplish the thing I want. Either way, it’s because I’m not relying on God; I’m not surrendering complete control of my life; I’m not honoring Him with devotion & obedience. I don’t think it’s a sign I don’t love Him, more an indication that I’m still learning how to love properly. Either way, I’m not enjoying the peace God promises because I behave wickedly – evilly, sinfully, unrighteously. I know I can’t be without sin, but I also know I can & should be a proper disciple...

---

Dear Lord – You are Creator of all things and, therefore, know what is Good & Righteous; You are the Giver of Life & Peace. I still awake frustrated that I’ve not honored You with every moment of every day of my life – far from – like You deserve, and I am sorry that I am so lax about my own disciplines. I am afraid of the word “hypocrite,” and I pray that my faith can outgrow this laziness, lack of focus & inattention as well as every doubt that I may have. I pray, Lord, that You forgive me these continuing sins and that You fill me with Your Spirit so I can overcome the sinful nature that I’ve ingrained in myself so deeply. Please help me, Lord, learn to look to You, to trust You, to rely on You, even in those times when the enemy is hardest at work in me. I long to be that dedicated follower of You – not just in word but in every deed. Please look into my heart, Lord, see my clear desire & intention, and help me live a better life in You. This is my prayer, in Jesus’ name. Amen.

HE NEEDN’T GET ANGRY (SOAP 0106) Isaiah 43:24-25 (NIV)

2010-05-05T10:27:00.000-07:00

You have not bought any fragrant calamus for me, / or lavished on me the fat or your sacrifices. / But you have burdened me with your sins / and wearied me with your offenses. / I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, / and remembers your sins no more.

---

It’s unclear to me whether Isaiah is talking here to the Israelites of his day or of the future, but I’m certain that he’s relating to them the Lord’s frustration & disappointment. I have a different take on this passage than others’ (including, possibly, Eugene Peterson’s from The Message) because I’m not sure that God is necessarily angry with His people. To me, He sounds resigned & tired; the language – “burdened” and “wearied” – isn’t even what I would call frustrated. I just see the Lord shaking His head and saying, “We’ve been through this so many times before...” Still, the passage is less about His frustration (angry or not) and more about how we take Him for granted – no matter what He does for us, no matter how faithful He is in forgiving us. What a testimony to His love...

---

Each day, I wake up and tell myself that I will live my life for Him; each day, I slide away before lunchtime & end up focused only on myself. Yes, I tithe, but I’m afraid that it’s become a habit, rather than an honor, rather than me recognizing, honoring, loving God with a portion of the gifts with which He’s bestowed me. Like so many of the loving people I’ve had in my life, I sometimes get to the point where I take God for granted; I forget that He’s forgiven me for all the ways I’ve offended Him – worse, I forget how I’ve been forgiven. I’ve (twice) referenced Big Daddy Weave’s “Killing Me Again,” and it’s a song & sentiment that I need to keep in mind – if only out of love for Jesus and the Lord. Just because God “remembers [my] sins no more” doesn’t mean that I have to forget them. Don’t get me wrong: I’m not suggesting that I live in abject shame all the days of my life – God doesn’t want that, either – but I do need to keep in mind & be thankful for all He’s done for me and, as a sign that I truly love Him, do those things that I know He likes.

---

Dear Lord – I know You are the Holy, Wonderful, Glorious God of my entire existence. I am sorry that I do not regularly honor You with life – You deserve every minute, every effort. I feel drawn close to You, Lord, and then I stumble & push myself away. I know – particularly when I read passages like this from Isaiah – that You don’t want that from me; I’m sorry, and I want so much to be closer to You. This always sounds so selfish – and I admit that, at some level it is – but that’s not all it’s about. I want to be close to You, Lord, so I can be a better example, role model, spiritual leader for my family, my friends, my colleagues, my Scouts, everyone. Please help me with that so that we can all bask in Your Love & Grace & Glory. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.

ANOTHER SHEPHERD AGAIN (SOAP 0105) Isaiah 40:11 (The Message)

2010-05-03T13:23:00.000-07:00

Like a shepherd, He will care for His flock, / gathering the lambs in His arms, / Hugging them as He carries them, / leading the nursing ewes to good pasture.

---

Celebrating the Israelites’ (predicted / prophesied) return from Babylonian exile, Isaiah invokes 23rd Psalm imagery of the Lord as shepherd – and man as sheep. This is a wonderful analogy, I think; it shows us how distinctly separate from God we are; it demonstrates how utterly reliant we are on Him. Moreover, it tells us how He cares for us, how He loves us, how tender He is with us. Throughout his prophesies, Isaiah reveals nature of God; he tells us of His anger at being disobeyed, His frustration with our insistence on worshiping idols, His discipline in allowing us to be displaced and threatened, and, ultimately, His care & protection & love. These three chapters of Isaiah – 40, 41 & 42 – are brimming with imagery of God’s majesty & power, the Lord’s unequaled Glory. They’re truly wonderful, like sweet, cool spring water to a parched traveler through the desert life of anguished selfishness & ego here on earth.

---

Do I want to be likened to a sheep? A helpless, guileless, defenseless, thoughtless animal without so much sense as to feed itself? Well... Yes; I do. Yesterday, Pastor Cliff taught on Psalm 23 (and today, I read Isaiah 40 – yet another example of the Lord’s sense of humor), and he talked about the unflattering sheep metaphor, which is a common one in both the Old Testament & New. I laughed along with everyone else because Pastor took a light-hearted approach to it, but today I’m thinking again. If I’m to completely surrender to the Lord, then – at some level – I need to be like a sheep. Don’t I? I mean, without Him, I am helpless. Aren’t I? This is a basic struggle I’ve been fighting within myself since I turned to the Lord. There’s so much that I try to do on my own – even now, I’m struggling with typical lust-filled thoughts & rationalizations, and I know that I will fail, I will backslide, I will hurt my relationship with God if I try to fight the fight on my own. I cannot do it; I’m not strong enough. I’m not strong enough, smart enough, sufficient enough to do anything by myself. I can only accomplish with His help, His support, His guidance, His Grace.

---

Dear God, Heavenly Father – You are my Lord, my God, my Everything because You are the Holy of Holies. Lord, I am sorry, sorry, sorry for all of the sinful thoughts in my head, the wicked inclinations of my heart, the evil actions of my hands. I am not worthy of Your Grace, and I am continually sorry for my desperate failures. Nonetheless, Lord, I am grateful for all those times when You pick me up, when You comfort me, when You remind me of the patience, love & glory You share with me when I am with You. Thank You, Lord, for giving me yet another chance. My prayer, Lord, is to be Your sheep, Your lost lamb. Teach me, God, to rely on You and only You. Teach me to be the sheep, helpless, guileless, defenseless, and utterly dependent upon You. This is my prayer, Lord. In the name of Your Son, my Holy & Glorious Savior, Jesus Christ. Amen.

HEZEKIAH’S PRAYER (SOAP 0104) Isaiah 38:2-3 (NIV)

2010-04-29T09:27:00.000-07:00

Hezekiah turned his face to the wall and prayed to the Lord, “Remember, O Lord, how I have walked before you faithfully and with wholehearted devotion and have done what is good in Your eyes.” And Hezekiah wept bitterly.

---

After all of Isaiah’s prophesies (many of which are about the future destruction of Hebrew lands because of the people’s idolatry), we’re treated to the story of Hezekiah’s faithfulness & the Lord’s support against the Assyrian king Sennacherib. God kills 185,000 Assyrian men & drives Sennacherib away from Jerusalem, and Hezekiah is blessed. But next, Hezekiah becomes deathly ill, and, upon hearing that he will not recover, he prays this brief reminder & plea to the Lord. This is huge for pre-Christ believers; if I understand correctly, Hezekiah’s hope for eternity is to be in death until the final judgement – he has not been saved and will be judged according to his deeds. God hears this prayer & cures him, giving him another 15 years of life, but Hezekiah then forgets the face of the Lord; he becomes prideful – if only for a moment – when visited by envoys from the Babylonian King – and doesn’t share with them the miracle of his recovery. For this sin (and those of the Hebrews’ continuing idolatry), the Lord allows the great exile.

---

Ever since I came to the Lord, I’ve experienced similar failings as Hezekiah’s. I try hard to follow God faithfully, to be devoted to Him and do what is good in His eyes. Truth be told, I rarely last more than a day or two before returning to my own wicked, sinful ways. As with Hezekiah, my sin is almost always driven by pride & selfishness. Whenever I stop to consider, I am sick with that; I don’t understand why I can’t break away. I remember falling to my knees & willing my life to the Lord; I know the sweetness of that surrender. I understand that paradox – through weakness comes my strength – the oxymoronic nature of my faith. Still, I return to Self. Argh! It’s frustrating because I can’t seem to change... ...But that’s part of the problem, too. Isn’t it? I’m trying to change myself; in my submission to the Lord, I’m trying to be in charge. The Peruvian reminds me that I can’t change my heart; only God can do that. If I change my mind, change the way I think, then God will do the rest. I don’t want to make Hezekiah’s mistake, so changing that thinking is my focus & my prayer.

---

O Lord Almighty, God of Israel & Everything – You are enthroned between the cherubim, and You alone are God over all kingdoms of the earth. You have made heaven and earth (Isaiah 37:16), and I worship You. I know, Lord, that I have not got my heart right. I know I am ever failing, and I know I am not strong enough. I am sorry, Lord, for my weakness but also for my insistence on doing everything myself. Please hear me changing my mind; please help me keep it changed; please change my heart. Help be become bankrupt, broken in spirit (Matthew 5:3), Lord, so that I can learn to delight in the fear of You (Isaiah 11:3). Then & only then can I be sure to be always doing Your will. This is my prayer, Father God, in the name of my Savior & Lord, Jesus Christ. Amen.

AT HIS FEET (SOAP 0103) Isaiah 33:2 & 33:22 (NIV)

2010-04-26T12:26:00.000-07:00

O Lord, be gracious to us; / we long for You. / Be our strength every morning, / our salvation in time of distress. / ... / For the Lord is our judge, / the Lord is our lawgiver, / the Lord is our King; / it is He who will save us.

---

I’ve found Isaiah quite difficult, which shouldn’t be a surprise. Contextually, I believe I understand the first sections – the prophecies stemming from Israel’s & Judah’s pagan worship, the predictions that God would abandon His protection of the chosen people. Having read the histories – Kings & Chronicles – I get it; this time, it doesn’t even seem redundant. What’s difficult is applying it to my life, getting from Isaiah’s words those principles that I can use to change, to grow in the Lord. Saying “I get it” sounds so arrogant, particularly since I still have such a hard time with lust, idolatry & covetousness & pride, but I do get it – intellectually. I guess the point is that, on the one hand, I find it perplexing that the Hebrews continued to have such a hard time, generation after generation, but, on the other hand, I can’t seem to keep it straight from one week to the next...

---

...Is this going to be my life from here on out? Am I going to continue to backslide, feel guilty, repent, swear to do better, be tempted & then backslide again? I recently told the Peruvian that I don’t want to always focus on the frustrations, the vexations, the tears associated with my past & my challenges in growing in the Lord. I don’t want to focus on the sins but on the virtues – after all, there are seven of each. My challenges are the same as they’ve always been, but now I’ve got the added challenge of straining to hear that still, small voice and – even more difficult – following what it tells me. Temptation is strong, but God is stronger. I am weak, so I must rely on the Lord. So... The scripture in today’s SOAP has to be my prayer: I pray that my Lord will be gracious; I pray that I long for Him every day, that I look for Him every morning to provide my strength throughout the day, especially when I’m distressed, when I need His salvation. I look to Him because He is my judge, my lawgiver, my King – but mostly I look to Him because He loves me & I love Him.

---

Dear Father God – I honor You. I worship You. I fail in my attempts to show You always; I fail in my heart as well as in my deeds, but I truly, truly do venerate You. I am sorry, Lord, that it’s taking me so, so, so long to get this right... ...I also have to trust You, God. I know You have a plan for me and I need to rely on You to reveal it to me as it’s appropriate. Please help me take each day as it comes; help me learn to look to You, to rely on Your Will, to seek Your face before all other things. Please help me actually live the dedication of my writings: soli Deo gloria. This is my prayer – it should be my prayer every day – offered in the name of my Lord, my Savior, my Holy Love, Jesus Christ. Amen.

REMEMBERING MY PLACE (SOAP 0102) Isaiah 18:4 (The Message)

2010-04-10T12:20:00.000-07:00

For here’s what God told me: / “I’m not going to say anything, / but simply look on from where I live, / Quiet as warmth that comes from the sun, / silent as dew during harvest.”

---

In his predictions of destruction of the great civilizations, Isaiah explains that it will happen because the people “have forgotten God” (17:10), and he describes how they’ve replaced Him with the worship of other gods & things. Idolatry has destroyed the relationship & caused the Lord to turn His back. And, He tells Isaiah here in chapter 18, He’s done talking about it; He’s not going to remind people again. Just before this verse, Isaiah describes some signs to watch for, but I think the point here is, we must be paying close attention...

---

I don’t think this means the Lord is unwilling to talk with us, that He’s no longer here for us – certainly not in this time protected by the Blood. But I think it shows us how badly we can hurt Him, how frustrated & lonely & disappointed He can be. When we turn from God & idolize things of our own making, our own desires, our own lusts, we hurt Him. Here, He’s describing the attitude we might adopt ourselves when we’re deeply hurt by someone we love. It’s a kind of surrender; He’s not going to fight us for affection or attention. I think we’ve seen this attitude from Jesus, too. Matthew 10 describes Jesus sending out the 12 to bring the good news to the “lost sheep of Israel,” and He tells them to look for those who are receptive. “If anyone will not welcome or listen to your words,” He says in verse 14, “shake the dust off your feet when you leave...” Later (in verse 34), He tells them not to “suppose [He had] come to bring peace to the earth ... but a sword.” This is consistent with Isaiah’s prediction: The Lord will destroy, but he will only destroy those who refuse to believe, who refuse to put Him in His proper place in their lives. Jesus tells us there’s no need to be obnoxious or argumentative; just give the news, present the chance to receive it and be saved. And, for those who would be saved, the message is clear: Accept & don’t forget.

---

Dear Father In Heaven – You are truly my God. You are Glory. I haven’t the words; I do not know how to say how much I love & honor You. I’m sorry for that, and I’m sorry – again & always – for all those times when You are not first in my mind, my heart, my soul. I do recall that moment on Thursday when I understood, when I could delight in the fear of You, when I looked & saw & thought in poetry... ...all because of Your love. Thank You for that, Lord, and please, please, please help me not forget. Please help me – in the name of Your Son, my Savior, my Devotion – to always remember. Please help me make the right choices that are pleasing to You, less selfish, more honorable. Because I need to do these things for my family – so the Cueball can know You better, so the Trophy Wife can be more secure, so we all can be closer to You. Please help me make this more than words. Please help me make this life – whatever time You have left for me – all about You. Fill me with Your Spirit, Father God, so I can do it. Crack me open & clean out all the garbage & help me be & stay Holy. For You. This I pray in Jesus’ name. Amen.

OVERCOMING PRIDE & ARROGANCE (SOAP 0101) Proverbs 8:13 (NIV)

2010-04-08T07:30:00.000-07:00

[Wisdom says,] “To fear the Lord is to hate evil; / I hate pride and arrogance, / evil behavior and perverse speech.”

---

First, a note: I’m moving forward through Isaiah, but I’m also trying to read a proverb a day. Usually, I’ll journal about my core reading (today was Isaiah 13-15), but this verse from Proverbs 8 spoke to me in context of my struggles with pride & arrogance and what they say about my relationship with God. As I prayed this morning, I looked to see a bright scythe moon floating above black trees silhouetted against the midnight blue dawn and immediately looked away, nearly breathless in worship & praise for the beauty the Lord created. For that fleeting instant, I understood the “fear” in which Jesus delighted – how vast & wondrous is His creation; how insignificant I am in it; how, despite all that, He loves me. I cried again because I’m not worthy of that love but I know I can’t reject it; I accept His love & love Him in return. These are the moments to which I cling; they confirm for me that my faith is true. And then I read this line...

---

Yesterday in “A Place for the Spirit,” I wrote about that fear – that awe mixed with love & devotion – and how Jesus delighted in it. And how I longed for it. Today, I felt it and understood that my struggles with pride are very much related. If only I could develop that sense of awe, that fear; if only I could delight in it as Jesus did, then pride would be erased. This worshipful love, this devotion to the Lord is egoless – it must be. We don’t hate evil because we’re afraid of God’s wrath; we hate evil because there’s no room for it in the space where we are truly awestruck & in love with God. I do hate my pride & arrogance because they separate me from the Lord; sin keeps me from the understanding that flashed so sweetly through me this morning. I want always to look into God’s Creation, into His Love and think in poetry; I want always to be in awe of Him; I long to delight in that fear. That, I think, is what it means to truly love God.

---

Dear God – Thank You for that worship time this morning. I know the wonderful knowledge of You comes only from You, however small & fleeting it is. I confess my desire to live in that delight is purely selfish at this point – I want it because it is so delicious – but I also understand that it is through that relationship that I can be a strength to others, an example of the kind of person You want us to be. Thank You for all You do for me; thank You for moving me along in my changes. My prayer today is for others: I pray the Trophy Wife has the time & energy to come to know you the way I am learning. This translates to, “Please bless me with productivity that I may support her with provision & rest & ease of mind. Please also help me help my friends and colleagues in business & in their walks with You. All these things I ask, Father, in the name of my Lord & Savior, Jesus Christ. Amen.